Loving a Big Girl Q&A

Have you ever wondered if you can you love a bigger girl, guys? The answer is yes. Today, on top of a great Shopping In My Closet outfit, I bring you a little Q&A that might help bring a little clarity. Hope this helps! Be sure that you share this with friends. You too, big girls. The world needs awareness and answers to these important questions 😝

1. Will loving a big girl kill me?<
nswer: No. You won't die. However it should be noted that a girl of any size could make you wish you were dead, if you cross her.

2. Should I hide my food when I first date a bigger girl? <
nswer: No. We do not want your food. We are perfectly capable of getting our own. You should, however, hide your food if you are a grown man that lives off of Cosmic Brownies in a box and Mountain Dew, because you are the going to land a woman with that.

3. Should I tell my big girl that she is big? Even if it is out of love? <
nswer: No. Do not insult her intelligence. Unless she is blind, doesn't have a mirror, or has never passed by a window, this subject should never be addressed by you. You think she doesn't know she is big?What would be big would be the size of the mistake you make by thinking you are holy enough to bring this to her attention. Refer to number one's ending statement.

4. Will a big girl crush me while we are making love?<
nswer: Well, first let me ask you some questions. Do you weigh less than 50 pounds? Are you Channing Tatum? I think you need to worry less about her crushing you and more about how you can make her wish she never had to leave the bedroom.

5. Will a big girl increase my grocery bill if we become serious enough to grocery shop together? <
nswer: Yes. Because most likely she will require you to purchase something more adult, than those Cosmic Brownies and Mountain Dew.

What if I really start to fall in love with a big girl? <
nswer: Well, then don't screw it up.

7. Will washing my big girl’s clothes require more laundry detergent?

Answer: Nope. Not anymore than your crap-stained underwear might.

8. What if my friends make fun of me for dating a big girl?<
nswer: Two things: first, make 100% certain that you are equivalent to Channing, so that your judging the hotness of the girl you are dating is completely justified. Next, break up with your girl immediately. Because surrounding yourself with friends like that CLEARLY indicates that you do not deserve the love of a big girl to begin with. Lastly, gather yourself and your friends and find the nearest cliff and have a jumping off of it party.

9. How can I get my big girl to lose a few pounds for me? I really like her, but she would be even prettier if she could just drop a few pounds. You know, for her health. <
nswer: you can't. What you can do is take your tiny little brain and find a mirror. Stand in front of the mirror and repeat after me…"It's not about me. It's not my journey. I should work on not being the biggest tool on the planet."

10. Are all big girls as funny and cool as you, Alicia? Do they look as good shopping out of their closet and sporting this cool faux leather jacket as you?<
nswer: sadly, no. Probably not. I'm kidding. There are tons of us out there!! The coolness over floweth!!


Writings on the wall….or mirror :-)




I publicly declared yesterday that I was taking a hiatus from Facebook for the month of June.  Sure, it may not seem like a big deal to most.  But for someone who could basically work for Facebook as much time as I spend on there, this was a pretty big declaration indeed.  As cheesy as it may sound., I need to spend time with me and not with the life I lead on Facebook.  I said in recent blogs that I know I am at the part of my journey to being a more awesome me where I am forced to experience “alone”.  And to truly soak that up, I need to get rid of a few things that get way too much of my time (i.e. Facebook) and give that time to things that do not get very much attention (myself mentally and physically……ANNNNDDDDD the books and journals collecting dust on my shelves).
In my first day “off” from Facebook, I have realized that it is my thumb’s second nature to “click and scroll”.  I think my thumb may be having more withdrawals than I am!  What I have not been admitting to myself is that diving into Facebook, sharing my life as an open poster, knowing I make people laugh or sometimes just shake their heads, is that I use it as a disguise or distraction.  I probably really do it so that I don’t have to address the writing on the wall.
You see, I have built a wall that would rival the Great Wall of China.  I think I was laying one brick at a time in my younger years.  Then, I think in the last couple of years after experiencing a physically and mentally abusive relationship, I just called in the concrete and iron workers and told them to work double time to build a wall so big, so tall and so hard around my heart that nothing would ever hurt it again.  I wanted to build whatever device I had to so that I NEVER encountered the hell on Earth that the abuse and time following brought.  It didn’t take long to put that wall up.  However, I decorated it nicely so that everyone thought that I was fine and bouncing back nicely.  I decorated it with lots of dating to show I was “ready” to get back out there.  I decorated it with service and volunteering so that people would see how big my heart really is.
Then, I let self-doubt in.  I let one bad date after another take a piece of the wall with them when they went or I sent them on their way.  And myself and old man self-doubt took out some spray paint and went to town on writing graffiti on the wall.  The worse thing was, I wrote it on my side of the wall and stayed on that side.  I didn’t come out to the side where people were passing by and looking at my decorations.  I stayed on the inside and stared at what was written there.  And it was not nice.  It wasn’t nice at all.
  • “You’re never going to find anyone.  It never fails when a guy meets you in person he only wants to be your friend because of how fat you are.”
  • “You got lucky in getting the job you have now.  It’s only a matter of time before you’re too old and some young person replaces you.  You really don’t know what you’re doing”
  • “If you would just lose about 50 pounds, you would get to do the welcome video at church like you have always secretly wanted to do.  Or maybe, that guy will FINALLY like you for more than just a friend”
  • “You are so annoying.  You are selfish.  What your ex friend’s mom said about you was right.  There is a reason she unleashed on you.  It was built up frustration cause nobody knows how to tell you how awful you are.  Sure, she has issues, but everyone likes her better so don’t even look at her that way.  You never remember important things in regards to your friends.  Every time you talk to them the convo ends up about you.  Nobody likes that, they are all talking behind your back I’m sure.  Actually, you just talk too much in general.”
  • “Nobody reads anything you write.  You are never going to finish that book, so just give it up”
UGH….It makes me sad to even type those things.  I would simply not allow any of my friends (or anyone for that matter) to talk about themselves like that.  It freaks me out to even be that transparent with the world that I have let those thoughts run me.
THE GOOD NEWS IS……..the writings on my wall my say the above…….BUT…the writings on my mirror (that has just enough room now for me to see my face to put makeup on in the morning), the notes from true friends (and even some strangers), the words in some REALLY good books I am reading……they all assure me that my writings on my wall are false.  Within all of these things, there is a resounding and unconditional love that I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around.  Yet, I am clinging on to every single thing spoken or written like no other.  I believe them.  I really do.  And every day, it gets easier and easier to paint over the nasty things written on my wall.  In that painting process, I am starting to see joy, a remarkable peace I didn’t know I could ever feel, happy, and most importantly kindness.  The even greater thing is that with all of those new things, I catch myself ever so often taking down part of the wall and breathing a little better.
The alone time is forcing me to face the bad and admit to myself that I have not been kind to me.  The beautiful thing is that in that same alone time I feel change for the better!  I cannot wait to see what happens next!  If you’re reading this as someone who “knows someone”who has not been kind to them, and you have maybe just “blown it off” or hoped it would pass, I encourage you to lift that person up somehow.  Even if it’s just post-its on a door or mirror like my friend did for me last week.  Even though she did it to help remind me of a big day ahead, I have still not taken them off my front door and love to see them as I head out each morning!  If you are the person being unkind to you STOP IT.  Stop it right now!  You were created by an amazing creator who makes nothing but beautiful things.  To think anything less of yourself is an insult to Him!

Yes, the wall is still up.  But hang around for a bit and I just might hand you asledge-hammer to help me knock it down.




Broken baby maker……

Sometimes I have so much running through my head that I get overwhelmed with where to even start to blog it all 🙂  So I just don’t.  And before I know it, a few months has passed since my last post.  THEN, I come across someone else’s blog that makes me wonder if they have been secretly camping out in my head and recording my thoughts for me.

That was the case when I came across this jewel of a blog (see link below to read for yourself).  🙂  It’s a great read.  Not only for anyone who might struggle with this issue but also for those who watch others struggle and aren’t sure how to look at the situation.  She says exactly what I think about it 🙂

I literally just had this convo with a coworker earlier yesterday about my struggles when I hear the mistreatment of a child and would give anything to have one……but….I literally hope and pray daily that I will never have to stand before God and ask him “why not me”….because my hope is that I see the purpose in not being able to have children and fulfill that purpose that was intended for me thus completely voiding the need for him to explain himself to me 
So, I get up daily, seeking that purpose….and loving on any kid that comes my way. Maybe that’s all I’m supposed to do. Maybe I am supposed to love on so many that having one of my own would’ve distracted me from that  Isaiah 55:12

Thank you Natasha for sharing your spirit with us!!!  Click here to read!

P.S.  Look at all these ca-uuuuuutttteee kids I already get to love on any time I want!!! 🙂  Who wouldn’t be happy with that??

kid collage

Dungeons and Douchebags….What’s in a name? Picking the right dating name

I probably should’ve started the series with this since that’s one of the first fields you have to pick in creating an online dating profile.  But….I honestly didn’t think about it until I saw today’s “who wants to meet you list” in my own dating notifications.  There it was, “muffdivindaddy69″……..once I saw it, I knew I had to address it.


While I think that the “nickname” portion of the profile can be one of the most fun yet challenging parts of creating your online dating presence, I also think that not enough thought and attention has been given to it.  OR, people in general are reverting to some puberty induced teenage brain activity that makes them think presenting themselves as “muffdivindaddy69” will “bring all the ladies” to his house.  The name you pick is equally as important as the pic you choose.  These two things are usually what pop up in search results so you want to be sure you are soliciting the right attention.
Below are my opinionated tips on things to watch out for in choosing an online dating “name”
1.  Don’t be so cryptic that nobody is going to get what you are talking about.  So, you have this inside joke with your friends that includes some weirdo nickname they gave you.  That’s great!  I love nicknames too!  However, if no one outside your circle of friends is going to know what you’re talking about, don’t use it in your name.  The argument could be made that it would spark conversation and you could explain yourself in that conversation.  However, you risk the chance of being looked over completely.  It’s like when you’re behind a car with a custom license plate.  A bunch of letters together that are supposed to say something clever……..so you follow the person past your exit cause you just need that extra time to figure out what the heck they are trying to say on their plate.  Wait…I’m the only one who does that?  Oh, ok.
2.  Don’t be dirty.  Just stop.  It’s not cute.  And you are supposed to be an adult.  Even if a girl is surfing the profiles looking for a good time with a masked gunman, it is highly likely that your immature attempt at naming yourself something that involves “69” is going to get her excited to look at your profile.  It’s just tacky, immature, and a host of other things.
3.  Avoid the words “prince”, “romance”, or proper names of products such as “Chevy”, “Ford”, etc.  Using the words “prince” and such make it look like you’re trying too hard.  Every guy on the internet wants me to think he could be my prince charming.  And I would venture to say that most women are way over that theory these days.  We know Disney movies lied to us about the fairy tale.  We are still trying to recover.  Using proper product names could lead us to assume you are so caught up in that product that you would be willing to name a child after it.  Which also ties into my previous advice not to include pictures of your truck in your profile.  We admire your loyalty to a brand/product and your passion for it, but we don’t want to compete with it from the get go.
4.  Be catchy and use this as an opportunity to let me know something about you.  For instance, my name is “dame-against-lames”.  Although it could be perceived as a thousand different things I’m sure, I chose it to indicate “look, I’m so over lame-o’s on this site so just know from the second you pull up this profile, I’m against lame interaction”.  It should send the message that you are probably going to have to be “quick on your feet” to catch my attention and get me to respond.  It also probably tells you that I have been online dating enough to have met a lot of guys………and that’s ok too I guess.
Ultimately, it’s your name.  Call yourself whatever you want.  But be prepared to explain it in some cases.  And in some of those cases, your explanation might not be enough to save you.

Telling You I Am Angry…..


Who believes in the saying or even scripture that says “do not let the sun set on your anger”….or “don’t go to bed angry”?  I know that I used to say “you better let me go to bed angry, cause chances are in the morning I will forget I am even mad”.  This seemed like a good approach to me considering my memory of anything these days lasts a total of maybe two minutes.  The trouble with that same memory that I seem to NOT have is that at random times, random memories pop up and a week later I would remember I was mad when I should’ve been long past it.  This leads to over thinking and a host of other things that we won’t address in this note.
I have struggled with the concept of not going to bed angry for several years now.  I have read all these expert’s opinions on it.  I’ve studied it spiritually.  I have asked others what they do.  Yet, not a lot seemed to be the awe inspiring answer that lead to a solution that worked for me.  And all that seemed to result from me being angry was that I couldn’t sleep.  Now when I finally fell asleep, I did usually forget like I state above.  But I ignored for too long the fact that I wasn’t falling asleep because I was just stinkin mad.
Often, when I am mad, I feel like at least one person should know and hear why.  In fact, I usually think at least three people should know.  And rarely, did those people include the actual person that made me that way.  I have spent countless hours wasting mine and other’s time “venting” about what I am so upset about.  And if I were to be completely honest with you, I would have to admit that it was all in an attempt to rally troops in my favor and confirm that my anger was completely valid.  I had been wronged dang it and anything less than a protest with beautfiul signs proclaiming it just wouldn’t do.
But, now, as I sit on this plane ride home after being disconnected from my life for ten days, and reading a book called The Happiness Project, I am lead to a different view of “don’t let the sun set on your anger”.  This whole trip, I have been forced to be more aware of me before I have been able to act on anything.  I have been in a country where I did not speak the native language.  So thinking before communicating has bascially been mandatory.  And in doing so, I have realized how poorly of a job I do of thinking about all things involved before reacting or speaking.  I cringe as I type the following to you, but what I realized is more often than not, 90% of the problem, probably was me.  GASP!!!
So what I am now thinking is this: Not letting the sun set on your anger DOES NOT mean you have to let the person you are angry with (or anyone else for that matter) hear your soap opera declaration of the anger.  What it means is that you have to have or find peace before you lay your head down to sleep.  And telling the world isn’t the only option you have.  So consider a few things outside of argument.
If you’re spiritual, have you prayed about it?  God can handle your anger and blunt conversation better than any human can 🙂 So talking it out loud with him and yourself might help relieve initial tension and anger.
Did you look at your role in the situation and is there anything differently you could’ve done?
Will what you’re so upset about matter at a different time?  Tomorrow?  A year from now?
Do you value the relationship with the person more than the issue at hand?
What are the good things that you could learn from the situation?
What could be going on with the other person’s life that caused them to act the way they did towards you?

Dress Rehearsal

Dress Rehearsal

Well HELLOOOOOO there! Long time no chat! I would love to declare that I’m back on to be so diligent in posting and such…..but, that would most likely be a false promise 🙂

To be honest, I have been struggling a lot lately. Not with anything major….but with just enough to make me think I shouldn’t be on here. And we all know that’s not true right? I mean, that’s the point of this….for us to all walk together. And if I’m not transparent even in my struggles with you, then I am robbing you of the chance to either learn from it with me, lift me up, or set me straight 🙂

Anywho! I chatted with the dearest friend today who so gently pointed out my need to control 🙂 She was such a great help, I thought everyone else needed to enjoy it too!

The honesty of my friend today when she said “you’re trying to have control. If we have control over the bad things, then we will see them coming and they won’t hurt so bad. Sadly that’s not true” was just what i needed. And her quote couldn’t have been more perfect! To add on to that, when you are always expecting the bad to happen (because that’s what’s happened in the past right) it’s all you start to see. And that, quite frankly, is beyond exhausting. Literally.
There was a time when my faith was at its strongest that I worried about nothing. The peace that kind of state brings is amazing. I can’t wait to get back there 🙂