It was not an earthquake….Operation Naughty Body is Back!

Screen Shot 2014-03-09 at 8.55.46 PM

I would have never thought that I would ever be sitting here typing (with more excitement than I can convey in print) about LOVING a running clinic.  But I do.  I have tried every gym program, membership, workout dvd, etc and NEVER WANTED to actually go as much as I do this FREE clinic!  I am not going to get too ahead of myself, but I might even do some jogging on the off days!

Anyway!  Here are observations from today’s clinic.  Please note, these are just observations from a random-minded girl and not meant to be used in judgment of others : )

  1. Even though when the whistle blows to run and I pick up my pace feeling every single ounce of fat jiggling (especially in the hip region) could be mistaken for the earth shaking, I assure you it is not.  I will however admit that after that feeling today I have seriously considered putting a spanx in my gym bag for next time.  You know what keeps me going despite that disgusting factor?  That the fat is moving.  Even if it’s up and down and around and around.  It’s still moving.  And that is better than it sitting still on the couch.
  2. When you don’t have a pocket, you entertain other areas for storage during your run.  For instance, today, I decided to stick my chap stick in my bra.  Not just any bra mind you, THE BEST heavy-duty sports bra for the “well endowed” woman.  I tuck my chap stick (which is one of my running necessities) in the side of my bra, which seemed like the perfect solution.  Until I forgot about it after and pulled a very melted tube from my bra when I went to change.  Fail.  Lesson learned.  I am not above a fanny pack at this point.  I cannot wait to lose enough to buy those cute pants with hidden pockets.
  3. Since this was only class #2, I am really trying not to be too hard on myself.  Normally if I fall behind, or slow down, I beat myself up and ultimately just quit.  But, today, even though my new friend Jennie (remember her?) was able to rock out her sessions and get ahead of me, I still kept going.  And, I am totally blaming it on the fact that she is much taller than me and has a longer stride! : )
  4. Today’s route had hills.  I see no reason for any human to ever jog up a hill.  Even if being chased.  As a matter of fact, if a bad man up a hill were chasing me, I would probably just stop, turn around and ask what it is he really wants and give it to him.  That’s how much I don’t want to run up a hill.  Yet, today, I ran up a hill.  Some may call it an incline, but it was a hill.  Trust me.  If it goes from flat ground to any sort of elevation, we are declaring it a hill.  Ok?
  5. Monday is an optional day for people to gather and run if they would like.  I am sad that I am missing tomorrow’s run with the ladies.  In fact, I just re-read that to make sure I meant it.  And I do mean it.  This point in itself speaks volumes for the changes that are happening with me.
  6. I felt great after.  I did not feel the need to call an ambulance.  I did not whine about it.  Surprisingly, I wanted to find as many people as possible to talk to about joining me for the next clinic day!

Basically, I think what is happening here folks, is that I am becoming someone different.  And I think it’s for real this time (after many failed attempts).  Not that I needed to be someone different when I am pretty cool “as is”, but being someone who is SO MUCH better than I was before is turning out to be pretty neat!  In the quest for world conquering, I am going to be way better at it with all the new energy I have!!! Woot!!!  Be nice to yourself!  Be better than you used to be!


Women can run…..without being chased…

“The miracle isn’t that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.”

― John BinghamNo Need for Speed: A Beginner’s Guide to the Joy of Running

Screen Shot 2014-03-06 at 10.10.53 PM

Tonight was the first of a series of 10 week classes that help women run….on purpose.  It’s a free clinic sponsored by Women Run Arkansas and they host these clinics throughout the state.  Having seen personal testimony of a dear friend who has literally transformed in front of our eyes, and contributing some of that to this great program, I thought I would give it a try.  I mean, I need to move because apparently, according to trainers (and science I suppose), sitting on the couch doesn’t burn calories.  Honestly, I can’t even tell you why I have wanted to become a runner.  Always have.  I look at other runners and want my body so badly to go in that motion for that amount of time.  Yet, time and time again, I fail miserably.  Even though I have completed a legit half marathon, the mental war inside my head leads me to be a super flake.

BUT….NO MORE….since I am doing the detox, cleaning out the toxic people and restoring myself in 2014, I decided that I WILL conquer this running issue.  I had no idea what to expect when I showed up tonight.  It was almost too overwhelming.  At one point I even wanted to go back to my car and grab my phone so that I could document all that I was taking in!

Here are a few observations for what they’re worth : )

  1.  I knew the director and I would get along fantastically when she said “I mean ladies, you HAVE to have a good bra.  You can go to Victoria’s Secret, but the only thing that fits me there is the lotion”……..soul sisters unite!
  2. Just because your car thermometer says its 55 degrees outside, doesn’t mean that it’s completely true.  It also doesn’t mean that when it gets dark, and there is still snow on the ground that it won’t get colder.  Lesson learned.
  3. I show up and much to my surprise there are TONS of women there.  They announced that over 200 registered.  I would guess that about 75 of those showed up tonight.  Immediate intimidation number one.  Yikes!!  I mean there were old ones, young ones, skinny ones, not so skinny ones, top of line running gear ones, and even a granny sporting a gold chain (no lie).  I have never been shy so I assume that it will take me approximately 4.35 seconds to make friends.  Not so.  I stood there by myself, freezing in my short sleeve shirt, with that sad puppy look on my face telepathically telling the other women’s “i want to be your runner friend”.  No dice.  One lady even went to her car to get me an extra jacket that she had.  I was certain that we were about to be “besties for the resties”……..but nope, false alarm.  She was an intermediate runner and left me in the dust.
  4. But, if these ladies who are all shapes and sizes and ages can do it, then by golly so can I!  THANKFULLY as we started our warm up walk, I ended up by two sweet ladies who hung with me for the rest of the class.  I shared with them my detox struggles and then realized……”whoa, what is happening?  Who is this girl?  What are these words coming out of my mouth about health and wellness versus wine and chocolate?”.  I have scheduled a MRI of my brain STAT.
  5. I was so nervous about the whole process that I literally wanted to corner my two new friends and make them pinky swear that they would be my friends, show up for the classes, and never leave me.  I refrained from such proclamation but did find a way to work Facebook into the mix and am anxiously awaiting their friend requests.  ALSO, one of them lives in the town I am moving to shortly and offered to walk/run outside of the clinic.  See!!!!!!! It’s fate right?  I mean, I can’t make a relationship with a man/boyfriend work out to save my life….but Jennie and I will be scrapbooking and wearing BFF necklaces before you know it (do they even make those anymore?)!
  6. I ran and didn’t even realize it was time to stop running.  AND I COULD STILL BREATHE when it was done.  Hold on to your seats folks, but I even talked while jogging.  This is huge.
  7. I should be a spokesperson for the sports bra I have started wearing.  It’s like a spanx for your boobs.  They literally don’t move.  I’m actually afraid that when I go to take it off my boobs might just pop out so fast that I will be injured.  To go from wearing two cheap sports bras in an effort to “keep them contained” to one heavy duty piece of equipment has made this experience completely tolerable.
  8. It seems like when women come together with a common struggle or common cause, that we are all just a tiny bit nicer to each other.  Except the one lady with a gazillion dollars worth of veneers, botox and neck lift in her face.  She was just plain judgey Jane.  I held myself back from tripping her.
  9. Tomorrow I will ache and probably walk like I’m 93 years old.  But the show must go on.  I have a function to attend where the need to put my best “oh you want all this now that you realize how bad you screwed up but it ain’t gonna happen, but I’m gonna look hot just to dig a little bit” foot forward : )
  10. When I survive this clinic and go to the “graduation” 5K event, I will be sporting a cap and gown.  You have no idea what an accomplishment this will be for me!  To run without being chased.  To run a 5K and still be able to breathe.  To soak it up as therapy and an escape from everything else in my life for a few minutes each week.  These are the things that I will cherish in this journey.  You have to start somewhere.  It’s way  past the time that I truly and really focus on a better me.  I have a whole world to conquer and I plan on doing it in a smaller jean size, some red high heels, and a few curls!

Here is survival picture number one of hopefully many to come!  Why I am so comfortable sharing such an awful selfie with the interwebs for anyone to see is beyond my comprehension.  I am hoping that it’s a sign of progress in my “liking me” journey.  Be nice to yourself.  It’s vital. 🙂

photo (1)

Girl…you snow craaazzzyyyyy

Ok, so round 327 of being iced in this year has gotten to my brain so much that I’m turning my titles into plays of other phrases.  Which, happen to be pretty funny to me, but I doubt you all reading this are on the floor laughing.

In being trapped inside for what feels like the 898th day (even though it has really only totaled about 13 thus far I think), I forced myself to get a lot of randomness out of my head.  I promised myself I would not be lazy and give in to the temptation to nap in between conference calls.  I promised to apply a lot of check marks of completion to my ridiculously long to do list.  And, I promised to not ignore my random thoughts today.  I firmly believe these “snow days” are a divine conspiracy to make me slow down.  So, today I decided to embrace it.  After a random call with a friend to get some things off my chest and attempt to do it in a humorous manner, she noted “girl you are so crazy, the things that come out of your mouth”……no….I am “snow” crazy……and I am “snow” sick of this weather.  Ok, I’ll stop.  Here are some things that are “snow” random in my head these days J (sorry, just HAD to do it one more time)

Boys:  late last week a guy emailed me on a dating site I’m on to say hello in the form of a poem.  When I checked out his profile, I found that he apparently had a vision from God that lead him to this dating site and to put at least 4 pages worth of info about himself in the “About Me” section.  Maybe it was a little mean, but out of sheer boredom, I replied and asked that based on what he said in his profile and the fact that he reached out to me did that mean “I was the one”.  He quickly replied “yes, you are”.  Wow.  Could this be it?  His next message informed me that his vision from God was very clear of me lying on a bed, in my pajamas with my shoes off (which leaves me wondering who lays in bed with their shoes on in their pjs), smiling at him.  He was very clear that it was me.  Hmmm…really?  No thank you.  Don’t you think that if God himself so clearly laid out “the one” for you, that he might also inform that person in some way as well.  Maybe the postcard is delayed, but I haven’t had any indication that he was the one for me.  In addition to that, if you knew for sure it was me…….then why did you need to make such an in depth profile for everyone to read.  Wouldn’t you just make a general profile and save all the juicy details about yourself for our private convo?  That’s just my take.  I have not heard from him since that last email so I’m guessing he had another vision that counted me out of the running.

 Oscars:  I missed the red carpet and the whole show for the most part because I was watching Dallas Buyer’s Club.  However, my observations of what I did see are that the women looked beautiful, the men looked handsome and the speeches were great.  The one thing I noticed (and noted in yesterdays blog) is that everyone that wins is in such a rush to thank everyone and make it through their incredibly long list of names before they are rushed off stage.  What is wrong with assuming that someday you will definitely win an award and just starting to thank those who you feel “made the list” now?  So, I am randomly going to start thanking people so that when I get my big award, I can use the time to breathe, be grateful and say something absolutely epic that sparks as many articles/updates/shares as Matthew M saying “I thank God”.  And…I’ll save that topic for another blog someday : )  Today I would thank my church camp leader Terry Gregory.  She grabbed me at one of our camps and said “some day you are going to be a great leader”.  That was the first time in my life I can remember anyone thinking or believing anything like that about me and speaking it out loud to me.  I’m not sure I have accomplished it yet, but I think of that moment almost every single day.

 Detox:  Accckkk!!!  Today was the first day of a trainer guided 21 day detox program.  The problem?  Well, there are a few.

  1. I am a procrastinator.  So, did I, knowing the weather was going to be bad on Sunday, make my grocery list and shop early so that I could prepare the meals I needed?  Nope.  Of course I didn’t.  Thankfully I did get some fruits and veggies so I can make it on those til I have a clear weather day to shop.
  2. Also, in my procrastination, I did not do an inventory of what I had and get rid of the “bad stuff” that is in the house.  For example, Ben & Jerry’s Pistachio ice cream.  Full pint.  Just sitting there whispering “eat me, it’s ok, you’re trapped inside”.  It should also be mentioned that I bought my team at work a whole box of Butterfinger Cups (THE BEST NEW CANDY EVER) and planned on delivering it to them to eat today.  Since our office was closed, they sit on my table begging for my attention.
  3. I am guilty of being an emotional eater.  It seems like when someone like me puts myself in a situation like this, the first few days, all I think about is flippin food.  But I know that this is what is best for me and I am SO EXCITED about some great things that I know are going to happen for me this year.  I want to be as prepared for those as possible and be of clear mind and body : )
  4. I am a horrible cook.

 Exercise:  I signed up for a “women can run” clinic that starts this week.  I have no idea why I am so obsessed with becoming a runner.  I hate it while I’m doing it.  I can’t imagine what I must look like moving “all this” at a pace faster than a brisk walk.  But, it’s new, and that’s another promise I made for 2014.  I must try something that makes me uncomfortable and no matter how bad I hate it, I must complete it.  It’s a 10 week course with a “graduation” run at a 5k event for this group (Women Run).  If I am actually able to still breathe when this time comes, I have decided to run in a graduation cap and gown! Glittered support signs welcome.

As I sit here looking out the window at the BRIGHT blue sky and untouched snow, I just find peace.  My mind is busy with lots of noise but my heart is full.  My hope is that even though this blog basically has zero point (other than to fulfill the promise to myself to write every day for 30 days), that you feel inspired to sit down for a few minutes and let your random, “snow crazy” side out! : )


Duck Face Fitness Gal

I have been so sick this week and not even remotely felt like working out much less walk, run, bend over to stretch…nothing…..

BUT…I knew if I didn’t do SOMETHING from today through Sunday, I would be charged $5.00 per day by the gympact app I use (which is awesome by the way). I reasoned with myself that it was only 30 minutes that I had to do and at least it was cold outside (I HATE the heat). PLUS, dr’s and antibiotics have not touched whatever funk I have contracted so maybe a freezing jog will.

And there I went. AND GUESS WHAT? IT WAS GREAT! I mean it was hard. And I’m not sure if I helped or hurt my sinus situation…..but it was great. Oh…it doesn’t stop there folks….I KEPT JOGGING. Like faster than walk, non-stop jogging an extra TEN MINUTES past my app workout. Um hmmmmm….true story.

So when you think you can’t, you really can. That’s your sappy lesson for the day. You know what i love about loving myself and this whole revolution? I SEE CHANGES….all over.

I initially took this pic as a joke to send friends, but why not share with the world. This week has been hard. I ate bad, was lazy, and felt absolutely rotten. But tonight….tonight I ROCKED. 🙂

This my friends is the face of a girl who thought she felt good enough to run and was wrong. But did it anyway. And ran beyond the designated workout time. HUGE STEP. ROCK ON duck face fitness gal. R O C K ON!