Wearing the Things

America.  Here’s the deal.  I did NOT want to show you this outfit.  As much as I love sharing myself, especially my closet, some aspects are a real struggle to put out there.  The good days are good.  People seem to align to your way of thinking and the interwebs join in chorus of agreement that the look I chose for the day is “on fleek” (is that still a saying amongst you young ones?). The bad days, well, they’re not my favorite.  The days when people think because you are putting yourself out there and you are a blunt person, that they can take liberties in being blunt with you in telling you they don’t like your outfit, or if they were you, they wouldn’t wear this or that.

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One of my biggest “problem areas” physically is my legs.  I have written about them before (remember that guy that called them log legs? Read here if you want).  What’s bigger than my fear of criticism for wearing this style of shoe when I have such big ankles, is my stubbornness.  I am determined to overcome my own stigmas I have attached to myself and to come to a place where when I walk in a room, others can’t keep from catching some of the enthusiasm and fierceness I plan to exude! The stubborn came out in full force when I spotted these shoes on the shelf last year.  They fit, they’re red and they scream “wear me everywhere you can and own every step”!!!  Every voice in my head was saying “ugh, you can’t wear that type of shoe because of your ankle” but all I could concentrate on was that one tiny voice that would wait til it got quiet and then whisper “who. flipping. cares.  These shoes were made for you, dollface”
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Up until today, I have only worn them with jeans to mask at least a little of the legs and create the illusion that I “deserve” to wear them, just like someone with smaller legs.  Wow, that’s hard to type out loud.  It’s been in my head for a while…….I have literally had thoughts that I didn’t deserve to wear something because I’m not as little as they typical people who sport these looks.  And it’s as ridiculous for me to read my own typing of that, as it is for you to read it on your screen.
But……
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Slowly but surely……and thanks to a lot of inspirational chicks who have “paved the way”………I have gotten more and more brave to sport certain looks and it’s feeling better and better every time that I do!  Today is one of the bravest days of them all!  There was a time, a few years ago, that I would’ve walked into a room and had women stared like this morning, I would’ve immediately thought “oh no, they think I look hideous.  I knew I shouldn’t have worn this.  They are probably going to talk about how fat I am.”.  Today, when I stopped by the store and noticed stares, my head immediately went to “oh good, they see how cute this is too!  I bet they want to know where I got these shoes.  I wonder if they think I’m a famous person since I’m so snazzy this early in the morning”!  Do you know how much work that took but how INCREDIBLE it feels.  My mind simply feels lighter and more joyful.  It starts there and leads to me being kinder than normal, more enthusiastic and definitely more energetic.
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I ramble all of that to say this:

I took the VERY LONG way around in all that “find yourself”, “love yourself”, “be comfortable in your own skin” mess that we all are supposed to arrive at.  I took the long way and choose to tell you about it in hopes that if you’re on your way, you get there a little quicker than I did.

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I can’t describe the feeling, but it’s simply awesome when you arrive there.  I physically feel different…..peaceful…..unstoppable…..almost too selfish in the aspect of not caring a single bit what is going on around me.  I wish I could say that I feel this way consistently, but unfortunately, I don’t. Further truth be told, not long ago, I let a really big jerk affect the way I feel and make me question myself.  THAT makes me furious, but that’s also for another blog 🙂 and I’m just too happy right now to write about a hot fireman who turned out to be your stereotypical douchelord.
That deserves a bit of a music break 🙂 This song is perfect for this blog and a little light dancing 🙂 Go ahead – do it!
I cling to the good days.  I document them and use them to remind me not to let the bad days win.  I have no secret weapons or magic potion to this whole living in my own skin thing.
  • I just try to be nice to me.
  • I try not to apologize for it.
  • I own myself and my attitude daily (even if it’s bad or misunderstood and misperceived).
  • I wear the things
  • I celebrate the wins and steps forward
  • I force myself to learn from the steps backwards and not to camp out there very long
Wear the things that make you feel amazing and wear them unapologetically, dang it!!!!!!  I PROMISE you that it will be a small start to a huge ripple effect.  I mean that with all my heart.
If you know nothing else about me, know that there are few who can deny that I am genuine and overly passionate in what I believe.  I believe that every single person should love every single thing about them and NOBODY has the right to impose anything but love and kindness upon them.  If putting my “log legs” out there and rambling about what goes on in my crazy head helps one person to believe that even a fraction more than they did before they started this blog, I win…..and the jerks lose 🙂
The End.
If this got you as fired up  as it did me when I typed it 🙂  Read some other good ones where I “was woman hear me roar”….aka, I wore the things!

Hiding in my closet

What do you do when it’s officially fall but not officially the cool fall weather you need to break out the heavy stuff? You wear this amazing dress…..

This gem has been hiding in my closet too long! Actually, if I am being honest, I want to hide in my closet today too! Since I am an adult who has silly responsibilities such as bills and a faux child, hiding is not an option for me today. (Wah wah wah…..)  
What do you do when you are tired, overwhelmed, dealing with a disease that is currently kicking your butt and just don’t feel good? You put this amazing dress on. You also:

  • Take a deep breath
  • Tell yourself that you are allowed to not be perfect
  • Give yourself permission to retreat
  • Be as kind as possible with society and just be as quiet as you can
  • Rest
  • Be honest with those around you – not mean – just honest. It’s ok to say “I’m not ok today”
  • Tap into those encouragers and supporters around you
  • Push through the day with the promise of a long, hot bath when you get home

Here’s to a great Tuesday with a great dress that fools me into feeling fabulous!!

P.S. I love the hint of yellow in this dress and the fab glasses! 

  

Loving a Big Girl Q&A

Have you ever wondered if you can you love a bigger girl, guys? The answer is yes. Today, on top of a great Shopping In My Closet outfit, I bring you a little Q&A that might help bring a little clarity. Hope this helps! Be sure that you share this with friends. You too, big girls. The world needs awareness and answers to these important questions 😝

1. Will loving a big girl kill me?<
nswer: No. You won't die. However it should be noted that a girl of any size could make you wish you were dead, if you cross her.

2. Should I hide my food when I first date a bigger girl? <
nswer: No. We do not want your food. We are perfectly capable of getting our own. You should, however, hide your food if you are a grown man that lives off of Cosmic Brownies in a box and Mountain Dew, because you are the going to land a woman with that.

3. Should I tell my big girl that she is big? Even if it is out of love? <
nswer: No. Do not insult her intelligence. Unless she is blind, doesn't have a mirror, or has never passed by a window, this subject should never be addressed by you. You think she doesn't know she is big?What would be big would be the size of the mistake you make by thinking you are holy enough to bring this to her attention. Refer to number one's ending statement.

4. Will a big girl crush me while we are making love?<
nswer: Well, first let me ask you some questions. Do you weigh less than 50 pounds? Are you Channing Tatum? I think you need to worry less about her crushing you and more about how you can make her wish she never had to leave the bedroom.

5. Will a big girl increase my grocery bill if we become serious enough to grocery shop together? <
nswer: Yes. Because most likely she will require you to purchase something more adult, than those Cosmic Brownies and Mountain Dew.

What if I really start to fall in love with a big girl? <
nswer: Well, then don't screw it up.

7. Will washing my big girl’s clothes require more laundry detergent?

Answer: Nope. Not anymore than your crap-stained underwear might.

8. What if my friends make fun of me for dating a big girl?<
nswer: Two things: first, make 100% certain that you are equivalent to Channing, so that your judging the hotness of the girl you are dating is completely justified. Next, break up with your girl immediately. Because surrounding yourself with friends like that CLEARLY indicates that you do not deserve the love of a big girl to begin with. Lastly, gather yourself and your friends and find the nearest cliff and have a jumping off of it party.

9. How can I get my big girl to lose a few pounds for me? I really like her, but she would be even prettier if she could just drop a few pounds. You know, for her health. <
nswer: you can't. What you can do is take your tiny little brain and find a mirror. Stand in front of the mirror and repeat after me…"It's not about me. It's not my journey. I should work on not being the biggest tool on the planet."

10. Are all big girls as funny and cool as you, Alicia? Do they look as good shopping out of their closet and sporting this cool faux leather jacket as you?<
nswer: sadly, no. Probably not. I'm kidding. There are tons of us out there!! The coolness over floweth!!

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FashioKNEEsta Follies

Now that you’ve been following the blog and are all caught up on the great shopping in my closet project (if you have no idea what I am talking about, click here), I am excited to share what I come up with.  What I am not excited about is my inability to talk about it.
I have plenty to say.  That’s never a problem.  But I struggle in the world of fashion blogging.  I’m not even trying to be one of those.  I am just stupid excited that I have cool things in my closet to mix and match versus draining my bank account for new stuff all of the time.  I studied great fashion bloggers far and wide.  They talk in fantastic detail about their outfits, the brands they wear, the occasions to wear them, the story behind the purchases…..all very fashionably romantic.  It seems no matter how hard I try to come up with a story or a great bunch of words in relation to what I am wearing, I fall short.  Every.  Single.  Time.
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Chances are, whatever I am wearing was on sale, from a store that was probably on my way somewhere, that I forced myself to stop into, because…..I honestly hate shopping.  It doesn’t make sense.  I know.  I am a girl, of course I like shopping.  Nope.  For various reasons (I’m poor, I hate the inconvenience of the mall, etc), I just can’t make myself like it.  I have instead decided to just post the pictures of the outfits and chat with you about other random things.  Is that cool with you?  Yes?  GREAT!
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I accept that I will never be a fashionista.  It’s a burden only an elite few can bear.  The word fashionista did make me think of knees though (and it actually made me think of it while I was peeing – which is where I do my most genius thinking).  I have great respect for knees.  You can’t hate something that essentially holds you up.  Mine deserve more respect than most, because, let’s be honest, they are carrying around a few extra poundage than most.  I guess it only makes sense that with all the pressure they are under, that sometimes they buckle.  The fact that they never buckle at a good time is when I struggle to still love them.  For example, last night, I had a killer outfit on and pulled into the grocery store to own some food shopping like a boss.  Being there at a busy time encouraged me to walk taller and strut with a little extra confidence on the off chance that the future Mrs. Me was inside awaiting my arrival.  Then I went down.  Not downtown to listen to music or have a few drinks.  Down as in down on my knees (and not by my choice).  It felt like I had an audience of 4,239, but turns out it was only 7.  As usual (I fall a lot more than I care to think about), I picked myself up, acted like there was something in the middle of the floor that tripped me up, and moved on to picking out the perfectly ripe bananas.
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Today’s outfit:
I am pretty certain that I will wear this dress til the threads are barely staying together. It will never go out of style in Alicialand!
And these boots……..they have been screaming from the depths of my closet to come out for the fall. I like to imagine that when I stand in my closet trying to figure out what to wear, they are jumping up and down like Donkey from Shrek saying “pick me, pick me”…..It’s going to be a great fall with these guys!!
Kudos to all of you who this fashion thing and make it look so good.  For the rest of us, grab something out of your closet and wear it with the confidence that if you fell in the banana aisle, you would still rock it!