- Break out the DVD player and hook it up. I had previously played it through AirPlay on my Mac. Time elapsed: 15 minutes – we couldn’t get it to work. Who knows why.
- Put Introduction to Yoga for Beginners back into Mac and load up AirPlay. Make it through 7 minutes of DVD with a decent attempt at the moves.
- Stop for 3 minutes to talk about how this doesn’t seem beginner-isn at all.
- Try the next 3 moves in hopes that, over the last 10 minutes, you have caught on and the rest of the DVD will make you look like a real yogi. Breathe louder as you do this and the kid will think you are legit.
- Take a break for the next move/sequence. This dude is crazy if he thinks this is beginners. Explain to the kid that it’s not that you need a break, it’s just hard to see exactly what he is doing so you are going to readjust ourself.
- Do 1 more move. Try not to fall. Take a 5 minute break to teach your Spanish student how to say “Yoga” in American. 🙂
- Vote to try one of the other DVDs. Let’s try Hath and Flow for beginners. It mentioned relieving stress, so I’m always in for that! Do not show fear to the kid. Hit play with a confidence that lets her know “this is going to be fantastic”.
- Attempt the move where you raise your leg straight back in the air behind you, then bring your knee to your nose. All while you’re on your hands and knees/legs. Think to yourself “clearly this dude has never tried this with DDs and a flabby stomach in his way. The knee is NOT making it to this nose. Not today.”, but refrain from saying it out loud in front of your kid.
- Make a mental note to ask your yoga instructor during the next class exactly how many times she is willing to see you in person in a week versus you having to go through another failed DVD session. Make a second mental note to put the DVD set online to sell. Wait a day, if nobody buys it, give it away.
- Look up just to check on your kid, only to see her stick her leg up, try to lean forward into somewhat of a pushup pose, and fall flat on her face.
- Laugh hysterically for ten minutes. Embrace your core during laughing to get an extra ab or two. Because that ten minutes of laughter was more than any of the DVDs have done for you thus far.
- Carry your book to bed and stretch out while reading.
Look, I’ll be honest. The smallest thing on my body are the holes in my ears for earrings. That is a cold truth.
I’m not advocating that you accept me wearing a thong bikini on the beaches of Brazil. I wouldn’t wish that upon anybody…..
I am, however giving myself permission to stop convincing myself that I can’t wear something because someone said so.
Insert cute polka dot scarf here.
it’s only the beginning. I started with polka dots around my neck and now I feel like every polka dot outfit I come across in the stores is begging me to try it on. I caved and tried on one dress and folks, it took my breath away. Not because it was scary, but because I actually don’t look like I am carrying octuplets with it on. Can we all agree that even though it’s not typical, this maroon and coral combo is legit? Especially these shoes that I forgot I had!
My whole life has been a ridiculous web of lies convincing me that I can’t do something. And it’s all solely based on someone else saying that I shouldn’t. It doesn’t always get said directly to me (I mean, I have never received a direct call from Gucci, but…..) and it doesn’t always get put so bluntly. But it happens. And ultimately, it’s my own fault for letting any part of me believe them for even one second!
Here are some of the ridiculous things I have let myself be convinced of. I am curious to hear some of yours!
- You can’t wear skirts because your legs are too thick.
- You can’t write that book because you don’t have time and you’re really not that good. Nobody will even buy it because you can’t have a best seller without a big publisher.
- You can’t wear that furry vest because it just makes you look like a sheep dog (that’s a good blog “a-comin”).
- You won’t ever save money because you were never taught money management.
- You can’t go sleeveless because some kid might innocently get caught in the crossfire of an arm swing and die.
- You have to keep your hair longer so people don’t concentrate as much on your round face.
- You will only ever have an average love that you will have to just settle for because the real big love isn’t for girls like you.
- You will never get to speak in front of people and do the type of public speaking you want because only skinny girls do that.
- Nobody will listen to your story or learn from your journey. You aren’t liked enough to have people help spread your message.
- You just need to accept that you will always be average.
Doesn’t that just make you mad and sick and a host of other things reading it? Simply ridiculous! So glad that even though those thoughts still creep in from time to time, I stand on an AWESOME promise that I AM ABSOLUTELY meant for great things and I ABSOLUTELY will do them!