Today was exhausting. My body just doesn’t do well in situations like this and things in general just weren’t going my way. The time with family tonight sure turned my frowns upside down. I am thankful. I mean that with every fiber of me.
1. I am soooo thankful that I made the decision to come when I did. It means so much to be able to say goodbye. Today made it clear that chance has passed so I will cherish that I made it in time.
2. Stories. Oh my word. Anyone who knows me, knows there are plenty of Yell Co stories in my arsenal. But the ones I have heard tonight for the first time are awesome. I rarely get to spend good soul time with my uncles, and I don’t think people really share stories anymore. But to be unplugged from technology in these late nights when we can’t sleep and hear story after story has been awesome. It feels weird to say that since it has only happened because of sadness…but I Wish everyone could meet my Uncle Lewis and hear him talk.
3. Speaking of stories, tonight we covered noodling (my fam did it way better than those tv shows), hunting, mountain lion debates, uncle don’s new addiction to FB and my most fav of all, dating. The love and respect between my aunts and uncles is so cool. Watching them tell me their love story and see them go down memory lane is beyond sweet.
4. I have had some pretty great examples of couples love and the power of never giving up. The men in my family have set a really high bar. Probably why I am still single…because I expect what my grandparents and aunts and uncles have. Even if I stay single forever, I have still experienced great love, even if it is second hand. And that’s good enough for me!
As fun as it is to post the dating dramatics and shopping in my closet outfits, my writing (which honestly has always been more for my own therapy than if one person read it or not) lately has been to release and process the fact that I am facing my grandmother’s passing.
It’s probably a bit morbid to think that this is what I asked for. No, of course I didn’t ask for my grandmother to go through this that will end in her passing. She is my favorite person I have ever known and I could fill up so much of your time bragging about her. But I did ask for a slow down and a reset. I did ask for more time with my family and to bring some appreciation and perspective back into my life. And that is certainly what is happening. It’s not easy. And I am not saying my train of thought is for you to agree with. But I am saying that even in the saddest of times, there is a lesson. You get to choose whether you grow from the experience and learn a lesson or whether you wallow or even go backwards. I am choosing to learn.
I am fortunate to be able to spend these last moments with her. I feel even more fortunate that even in the little sleep we are getting, that I am getting alone time with her in the later hours after everyone has gone home.
Tonight, her hands are telling the stories.
These hands. My goodness they have been through some stuff.
They have worked themselves to the bone as a farmer.
They have cooked no less than 10,000 of the best meals you have ever had.
They have stroked my hair as a little girl while I laid in her lap during church and listened to my pop teach.
They have been firm on my butt maybe once or twice.
They have wiped tears and been the best comfort when my parents were mean to me 😝
They have prayed while the heart ached over the loss of her forever love.
They have been the kindest hands I have ever known…..
Is when it is in reference to a floppy hat or floppy disk.
I wasn’t aware I even had a love for either until my exchange student demanded that this hat come home with us a while back (isn’t it a fantastic hat…..and I’m completely swooning over the layers of necklaces). The other floppy love isn’t as much about the floppy disk as it is the times when they were popular. Ok, maybe they were never popular. We just didn’t have any other choices. But, the times that the floppy disk lived in, well, they just seemed simpler. I think we all go through spurts of longing for simpler, don’t we? I actually associate floppy disks with my dad. He was a computer teacher at the time and we had what seemed like a gazillion of them laying around. See, I’m already going back to simpler memories. My dad seemed to make everything simple.
Life is busy. We are moving so fast towards whatever, that we lack the ability to be simple. Sometimes that leads to a state of just “blah”……know what I’m sayin? I am a prime example of this in so many ways that I have lost count. When I get to going too fast, if I’m being cheesy, life just gets a bit floppy. The difference in me now is, that I try to be very aware. I try to slow down every once and a while and examine where I am allowing too much floppy and work towards improvement. I quit beating myself up a long time ago for getting to a state of floppy. Forgiving yourself is important. I just try to note it, stop it at the first acknowledgement, and move forward. What do you do?
Here are where floppy isn’t good for me……Can anyone relate?
- Floppy Friends – It’s taken me a really long time to be ok with not feeling obligated to keep friends around that aren’t good for me. Nobody has to be a jerk about it but I simply cannot allow friendships that are a flop to continue.
- Floppy Boys – I have no idea when it happened or what switch was flipped, but it has been really cool to try the approach of actually being direct and intentional about my dating life. Sure, it has cut a lot of guys out of the mix, but that’s more than ok. I cannot allow myself to give parts of my heart away to someone who gives me floppy effort (or no effort at all). I was SO SCARED to take this new approach for myself, but so far, I am pretty pleased with how it’s going.
- Floppy Habits – they gotta stop. They just do. It is more important than ever, with my recent diagnosis, that I make good choices. If it doesn’t work for the good of my health, or the good of my life goals, it absolutely cannot become a habit in my life. I accept this as a constant work in progress for me! I know that if there is one crack in my life, floppy will creep in and take over before I turn around. Obviously, I am not 100% every day, but having a good army to stand guard helps!
I’m thinking I need to track down a few old floppy disks and keep them handy as a reminder that I can’t let anything but my cool hat get too floppy!
Let’s have a great week. Want to?