Change is in the air…..

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Whew, this one turned out to be longer than intended.  It’s worth it (or I think it is), to hang in there…….take a bathroom break, do some stretches…..whatever you need to, but hang in there with me! 🙂

I really want to avoid the word “resolution” or any variation of “New Year’s resolution”.  I know it works for some people to make those lists and stick to them.  I admire those folks that diligently sit and layout how things will be different in 2019 and follow through.  I LOVE a good list (I’m just terrible at following them).

I used to want to be one of those people.  However, one of those people, I am not.  And I highly suspect that amongst all of those Facebook posts I have seen, that declare all the sappy and super wholesome new things they promise to do……that there are many who won’t make it any further than I would, if I did make a “resolution” list. I gave up setting myself up for failure long ago (well in the area of New Year’s resolutions lists anyway).

With all that said, I still love what the “new year” signifies in the area of “starting fresh”.  We all know you can do that any day, but I try to embrace what this season brings, even if I go against the grain of the official resolutions listing.  Change is part of the standard for this time of year and even though I’m poking a little fun at the declaration part of it, I love the atmosphere that it brings, even if, in most cases, it doesn’t last past March :p

I also feel like “New Year’s resolutions” have an air of “what I have to do better because I really messed up the last year”.  Whether that’s true or not, or whether I’m way over analyzing, I don’t like to look at things that way.  Sure, I made mistakes.  Of course last year was challenging in some ways (hello…..broken ankle, surgery, 21 screws, pneumonia, flu, new job…..and so forth).  But it wasn’t “bad”.  It just showed me how much more I can do and make better for this new year.

ANDDDDD, with all of the even more rambling said, I’m throwing in some contradiction and giving you a list :).  I guess there really isn’t even a way to avoid calling them resolutions, but for the sake of my rebellion against them, we are just going to call this “what I’m choosing differently for 2019”.

Even though the list is mine……part of it and part of me wants you to realize you should/could do it too.

feelings

Tell people how I feel, no matter what the outcome is.  Easy enough to type and easier to be confused by this one, if you know me.  I’m usually always speaking my mind.  But, surprisingly enough, when it comes to making sure people truly know how I feel, I don’t share nearly as much as I probably should.  But 2018 showed me in more than one (and mostly terrible) way that life is too short.  It showed me that 41 years is of no matter when a friend has to die.  It showed me that too much of what I keep to myself, is because I either expect the same profession back, or I am scared of the reaction of the other person.  It’s time for those fears to be squashed.  It’s time to “say the things” with no expectations in return.  In doing that, it frees me and what the other person chooses to do with it, is on them….and whatever that is,I will be fine….because robbing myself of being true to who I am is only robbing me, never the other people. 🙂 Just say the damn words.

report the good

Report the good.  We are so quick to complain or make sure management knows when we aren’t happy.  We want resolution for our pain and suffering, whether it be on a big scale or when our order is messed up at the drive-thru.  We sometimes assume when we get good service, or a good product, etc, that it’s part of their job or that “they” know everything is fine.  I think if we started making it known when we receive “great”, that it might just help in drowning out and eventually erasing so much of the negativity in our lives.  I, for one, could use a heavy dose of being more grateful and looking through a happier lens. Plus, you never know when you doing this will help the person receiving the praise.

pause

Pause and intentionally choose differently.  Even when it’s comfortable.  I’m NOTORIOUS for acting first and thinking later.  Though I have improved, this area still needs a lot of construction!  I’m determined that it’s not the 900 year I-49 expansion type of construction :P, but it needs work, nonetheless.  I have seen and tasted the sweet glory in little areas when I choose to pause first, pray and choose differently than my normal AND WAIT it out.  I can’t say it’s comfortable……actually it’s grossly uncomfortable for me.  But, if I want differently (and better), I have to DO differently (and better).  I don’t know that I have ever had this much conversation with myself (or God) before making the simplest decisions, but I definitely am feeling wiser for it and I want that to continue! I have to find the balance between who I am at my core (an Aries who is flighty, loves “the in and new thing” and bores easily) and weighing long term versus instant gratification.  I also have to stop letting things derail me.  I promise you the devil smells it when I’m on the right track and he sends me all kinds of distractions (that usually work – i.e. boys who seem like they are dateable).  Gotta “stay woke” as the young kids say……or do they still say that?

process

Learn to like chores and the process.  To build on to the above, I learned a lottttt about “process” this year and how important doing the little things are. I will put off a chore for an embarrassing amount of time if any social activities invites are thrown my way.  I have little desire for admin duties, process and chores.  My type is just not built that way.  I justify it with the fact that time with people is what I thrive off of and that you can’t get that back, yada yada yada.  When you shatter your ankle and can’t even pee by yourself for 3 weeks, you sure get a different perspective on how important process is.  Believe me when I tell you that you can’t put one foot in front of the other until you do all the other steps (no pun intended).  I have a whole new appreciation for “process” and chores. I have no idea how I will get better at being consistent and disciplined in them, but it’s on the list to give it the ol’ college try.  Tips appreciated 🙂

invest in the list

Invest in the list, list of people that is.  I have always had a lot of “friends”.  I’ll spare you the sap and quotes about finding quality as you get older and realizing how important having a “core tribe” is.  I love fiercely and wish I could love the same amount of “fierce” on every single person I know.  But I can’t.  We weren’t build that way.  All I can do is be kinder to every person I interact with.  But, if I’m going to do this life alone thing that seems to be happening, and if I can’t guarantee that the nieces are going to take me in when I get older (kidding, kind of)….AND…..at the rate that people really do come and go and disregard relationship (friendship or otherwise)…..then I have to do better at figuring out which people deserve my time, the real me and my fierce love.  I love using social media for the masses and I love people (really, interacting with people is my favorite thing).  I even have gotten to a really good place where I assume that most people that follow or interact with me have good intentions and think I’m awesome :).  I truly don’t care about those that think otherwise.  But I also have to be realistic that no matter how much I love others, they aren’t always going to feel the same about me or give effort to a relationship with me. And honestly (as my niece pointed out), I can’t just give all of me right off the bat to people.  Why do the people that love me most have to share me, or see me be spread thin (and not give them what they deserve) with someone who doesn’t see my worth, etc?  They shouldn’t have to.  So, I have my people list and plan to work on it.  I hope they hold me accountable!

just say no

Say “No” more often, stick to it and be ok with it.  I think this one is self-explanatory.  I also think I have to stop explaining when I do say it.  Sometimes “no” is for self-preservation.  Sometimes “no” is to protect me from making further bad decisions.  Either way, “no” has to be a necessary part of my 2019.  If you know me at all, you know I can’t even schedule a lunch with someone easily because I stay “overbooked”.  That’s nothing to brag about.  But, again, if I want differently, I have to do differently.  That starts with saying “no” to more things and being ok with it.  I have big things to do and I can’t do them, if I’m chasing instant gratification and worrying about missing out.  It all ties in to the whole appreciating the process and remembering the long term benefit thing.  I’m writing this for me to reference….not you :p

use the gifts

Be ok with my gifts.  Lastly, this.  Actually, no.  Don’t be ok with them.  Be PROUD of them.  Be THANKFUL for them.  Be a GOOD STEWARD of them.  I recently had a session with a coach who asked me to describe my “board members” in my life (love how she labeled them) and what about each of them made me consider them so important in my life.  I went through all the attributes and then she threw me a curve ball.  She was writing them down as I was talking and said that I’m attracted to those traits in those people, because I have those in me too.  Tears.  It’s SO HARD for me to hear anything good about myself (working on it). I appreciate it more than ever, though.  I have good in me.  I do have gifts.  If I look back and think about it, or relive certain instances, I am at my best when I see all those gifts being used.  It’s not a new concept. When you are who you are, you attract so much good to you.  I’ll be damned if I hide those anymore because it makes someone else uncomfortable.  I will no longer walk in a room, watch someone else give me those judgy looks when they are watching me tell a story or interact with others and get quiet or back down.  If anything, I’ll tell more stories and laugh a little louder.  I bet if you took a look at your gifts and used them a little more boldly, that you’d see some “new good” too 🙂

So, that’s it.  Tell me I’m not the only one who reflects during this time and has some of these same thoughts too? 🙂

I reserve the right to amend or add at any point.  For now, I’m gonna buckle up and see what kind of tricks 2019 has up it’s sleeve.  I wish you the best in your list too :)!  I hope you find all the happiness you’re searching for and that 2019 brings all that you want it to!  I’m cheering for us all!

I Don’t Need You

I started out with this outfit solely to just throw something on and be present for a Monday.  I actually think that I accidentally grabbed it in a pile of stuff from my mom’s the last time I was home to visit (sorry mom).  But, for a Monday with little motivation, it would do.  Plus, I am pretty sure it’s one of my dad’s old shirts and when you miss your dad every single day, nothing he wore is considered out of style, right? 🙂
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When I added this blingy necklace (that I got for the crazy low price of $5) and threw on my booties, I suddenly fell in love with what I was wearing today.  Add in some great hair and a refreshed attitude and you have yourself a pretty snazzy lady today!  Then, as per usual, the voice of doubt showed up.  Today, it wanted to make me think twice about bling and plaid and should I really be wearing these booties with my big legs/ankles.  Thankfully, it didn’t stay around long once I replied with “I don’t need you”.
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That got me thinking, what else do I not need.  I mean, it’s one thing if I need to hear a voice of reason when I’m being ridiculous (although, as we have established, plaid and bling are not ridiculous).  It’s a completely different thing if the voices are a constant chipping away at you.  I took a quick inventory and decided to make a list of what I don’t need these days.  You should take inventory too!  What’s on your list?
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1.  I don’t need negativity in any form.  None.  Zero.  Whether it comes from my own head or from the voice of others, it cannot be allowed.  Does it happen anyway?  Sure.  But, it’s up to me to nix it at the first breath of it.
2.  I don’t need to compare.  I cannot get tied up in caring what another girl looks like, how pretty and seemingly perfect an ex’s new girlfriend is, or if someone else looks like they have it all together.  I often get mad that I seem to require so much work on myself.  Whether it be to undo past damage or to be in a place where I am “good enough”.  I feel like I should be in a better place and doing way more work at the service of others instead of myself.  But, the beautiful thing about MY journey is that I am being used (in a good way), even when I don’t see it.  I cannot continue to compare myself to anything other than who I was the day before.  And even then, I should only be comparing to evaluate the progress that I made from yesterday.
3.  I don’t need to chase.  I know that this is a time for me to just be still.  I know that if I continue in the disciplines that I am working on now, that I will actually become like a magnet and the things that are supposed to come my way will be drawn to me.  I don’t know about you, but when I really soak that up, it’s pretty exciting!
4.  I DO need lots of rest.  I DO need lots of hugs.  I DO need lots of laughter.  I DO need to make sure I am not concentrating too much on the “don’t” and that I squash it at the first sight of anything to derail me creeping in.  I DO need these fresh, beautiful flowers that were waiting on my desk when I got to work (what a great Monday morning starter, huh?)!  I DO need to do things that breath life and happiness in my little corner of the world.  And I have to be conscious of that daily!
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So, what’s the one thing you know you don’t need anymore of?  Share it with me and let’s send it on it’s way!!!