Fatty McFaterson Is No More

I have struggled lately cause I haven’t seen any big changes recently. But I knew it was my fault for not working as hard the last few weeks. I never care about being “thin”. I just want to be healthier. I truly mean that with everything in me. And being mentally healthy is just as important. Because I can tell you that in some of these before pictures, the ugliest thing about me was the inner struggle much more than the outer appearance issues. It feels SO GOOD to be working hard again and slowing down enough to make wiser choices for myself.


When you see yourself everyday, it’s hard to notice changes when they don’t seem to come in the form of 20 pounds dropping over night. I even noticed that I was falling back into old tricks of trying ridiculous angles on my outfit pics to try and look the smallest. I did not want to do that again. It is SO IMPORTANT to me and at my core to be authentic and real. It’s who I am. So the last thing I wanted to do was start deceiving with my pics. That alone was motivation to get my butt back in gear.
But, when I came home after work today to an apt of teenagers and one who hadn’t seen me in a while made more than one comment about how different I looked, I thought I would go through old pics and make comparisons. Man, am I glad I did. To you, it may not be THAT big of a difference. To me, it’s A WORLD of difference. What is crazier to me is that these comparisons are only from October to now!
 It’s almost a completely different face – less puffy, better complexion…and do you see that happy? Oh the hurt you don’t even know about that was dwelling within me in that top 3rd pic!!!!

 

 It’s a healing difference – even though it had been a couple of months out of a break up in the before pics, there was still SO MUCH anger and hurt. I still get a little angry about it. But the new faces….those are healing faces. Those are faces that are excited about life and that have owned where she is at….determined to be a better than ever face.


Still so far to go. But still so much difference already. I will always be under construction. It’s just so nice to have a different approach to the project lately. Peace, determination, forgiveness of myself (still working on the forgiving the ex part) and the expectation that the new greatness coming, isn’t going to happen overnight…..those are the beautiful descriptions of Alicia 2.37923 😝


I recently had the opportunity to take some really hard truths given to me from a friend and go 400 steps backwards…or finally do something different. The old Alicia would’ve taken the truths spoken and dwelled, cried, ate my emotions and over analyzed for who knows how many days. I would’ve talked to a hundred others trying to get confirmation that those things couldn’t possibly be true. I would’ve decided that I might as well give up on ever being different.

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Instead, I took it to the treadmill and opened a book I never finished about how successful women think differently. And it just so happened that my last bookmark from where I left off was on a segment about strengths and weaknesses. We should be aware of weaknesses within us, but we should concentrate and grow from our strengths…not from constantly trying fix a weakness. Well if that train wasn’t on time, I don’t know what was!!!
See, once again, not a big change to speak of for someone else to read…but a HUGE change for me. i would dare say that it is one of the things I am most proud of in a long time!!
So, THANK YOU for watching me change and being so willing to embrace it and for letting me be me…authentically…and now authentically smaller 🙂

Passion for People

Pardon me for a second while I preach.
Today I had the chance to have a long chat and share my observation and advice to a friend. It was raw conversation. I was told things that made me hurt and angry for my friend. Yet I was also faced with some of my own insecurities and hurt that I like to pretend doesn’t exist. No holding back. It was colorful, blunt, and although I avoided using caps lock, I am certain that there were a few pauses where I looked around waiting for an “AMEN” and “hallujah”.

I am not versed enough in my vocabulary to find the right words to describe what it stirred within me. My heart is still beating fast and furious and the conversation happened over an hour ago. I LOVED IT. I don’t think I have ever allowed myself to admit or accept that I am overly passionate about people until this conversation. And I couldn’t be more excited about it!!! I LOVE PEOPLE. And I want with all that is in me for people to love themselves.

Maybe its because I fought so hard to fall in love with myself. I, of course dont mean “in love” in a cocky “I am God’s gift to the planet” way. I mean in a “you are of value and you have a purpose and a lot to offer the planet” way. Maybe it is because I never want to see someone so broken that they have a melt down at a stop light and can’t physically push the gas pedal to go through. Either way I cannot ignore the passion nor do I want to any longer. I am sick of negative people I know trying to impose their hate and general classifications of people onto me. Hi, my name is Alicia and I genuinely love people and I am so sorry if you don’t. Please take your misery elsewhere.

This is all a constant work in progress. Its a conscious decision that I have to make every single day (and some days I fail miserably at it) to be kind to me. But I know it’s worth the effort. I promise you that I am leaps and bounds better than i was two years ago. And I promise you that if you would exercise kindness and positivity toward yourself a little each day, you would grow leaps and bounds too!

If I were being honest, when I told my friend to rid himself of people who do not bring out the best him, I would have to admit that my stomach turned knowing there are a few people I could stand to get rid of for the same reason (people I consider important in my life currently).

Anyway! That all brings me to this. If I could stand in front of you today with my fired up spirit I would tell you the following. And I would mean it with every fiber of my being even if you were someone I wasn’t typically a fan of. I also recognize after today’s conversation that I owe myself the same talk as much as my friend needed it. Nope. None of this is earth shattering or new news to anyone. What may be new to someone reading this though is the permission to know these things without apology. And I believe that there is some human on the planet that needs to read this in this way. 🙂

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– Be intentional about changing to progress toward a better you. Be honest with yourself that you absolutely cannot continue in the manner that you have.

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– Accept that you will always be a work in progress (Sure I need to lose a few pounds and by few i really mean about fifty. But I can’t be controlled by that solely). But always be “progressive”. Be aware of what you need to work on but never let it control you or hold you back from being awesome.

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– Know that not everyone will understand your work. And they don’t have to. It isn’t for them. If they aren’t a fan of your journey just consider them the coal you need to fuel you forward. 🙂

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– It is NEVER ok to be unkind to yourself. NEVER.

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– Do not create a vicious cycle or fake flaws for yourself. It is dangerous to fall into a cycle of “I will be happy if/when this or that happens”. You start filling voids with material things that are only temporary fills and eventually there is nothing that will ever satisfy you. Sadly that often bleeds into going through one human heart after another and never being satisfied. You create a hurt factory that will have a morning shift and a night shift. And you will wear your own heart out in the process causing you to miss out on something really great.

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-You are no good to anyone else if you are no good to you. And to create lasting friendships with good quality people we have to be good to ourselves. Once again, if you aren’t, you begin filling voids with temporary people.

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-Know that when you slowly destroy your own self worth that you are also robbing the planet of something great. There is something about you that the planet needs and is supposed to get out of you being here. You rob the planet when you don’t share the great in you!

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Of course I could go on and on and you could spend bazillions on books by people who are way better experts than myself. But sometimes we just need to know from another human that it is ok and we all struggle.

If you are in a solid place with yourself, congrats. If you’re watching someone you know go on a journey to change themselves for the better and overcome self hate and insecurity, be kind. Be supportive. Be patient. Be quiet if you have to. But by all means, do not hold up progress. Do not keep someone from becoming a better human. Remove yourself for their own good if you can’t be anything but a hindrance.

You are dismissed 🙂

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It was not an earthquake….Operation Naughty Body is Back!

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I would have never thought that I would ever be sitting here typing (with more excitement than I can convey in print) about LOVING a running clinic.  But I do.  I have tried every gym program, membership, workout dvd, etc and NEVER WANTED to actually go as much as I do this FREE clinic!  I am not going to get too ahead of myself, but I might even do some jogging on the off days!

Anyway!  Here are observations from today’s clinic.  Please note, these are just observations from a random-minded girl and not meant to be used in judgment of others : )

  1. Even though when the whistle blows to run and I pick up my pace feeling every single ounce of fat jiggling (especially in the hip region) could be mistaken for the earth shaking, I assure you it is not.  I will however admit that after that feeling today I have seriously considered putting a spanx in my gym bag for next time.  You know what keeps me going despite that disgusting factor?  That the fat is moving.  Even if it’s up and down and around and around.  It’s still moving.  And that is better than it sitting still on the couch.
  2. When you don’t have a pocket, you entertain other areas for storage during your run.  For instance, today, I decided to stick my chap stick in my bra.  Not just any bra mind you, THE BEST heavy-duty sports bra for the “well endowed” woman.  I tuck my chap stick (which is one of my running necessities) in the side of my bra, which seemed like the perfect solution.  Until I forgot about it after and pulled a very melted tube from my bra when I went to change.  Fail.  Lesson learned.  I am not above a fanny pack at this point.  I cannot wait to lose enough to buy those cute pants with hidden pockets.
  3. Since this was only class #2, I am really trying not to be too hard on myself.  Normally if I fall behind, or slow down, I beat myself up and ultimately just quit.  But, today, even though my new friend Jennie (remember her?) was able to rock out her sessions and get ahead of me, I still kept going.  And, I am totally blaming it on the fact that she is much taller than me and has a longer stride! : )
  4. Today’s route had hills.  I see no reason for any human to ever jog up a hill.  Even if being chased.  As a matter of fact, if a bad man up a hill were chasing me, I would probably just stop, turn around and ask what it is he really wants and give it to him.  That’s how much I don’t want to run up a hill.  Yet, today, I ran up a hill.  Some may call it an incline, but it was a hill.  Trust me.  If it goes from flat ground to any sort of elevation, we are declaring it a hill.  Ok?
  5. Monday is an optional day for people to gather and run if they would like.  I am sad that I am missing tomorrow’s run with the ladies.  In fact, I just re-read that to make sure I meant it.  And I do mean it.  This point in itself speaks volumes for the changes that are happening with me.
  6. I felt great after.  I did not feel the need to call an ambulance.  I did not whine about it.  Surprisingly, I wanted to find as many people as possible to talk to about joining me for the next clinic day!

Basically, I think what is happening here folks, is that I am becoming someone different.  And I think it’s for real this time (after many failed attempts).  Not that I needed to be someone different when I am pretty cool “as is”, but being someone who is SO MUCH better than I was before is turning out to be pretty neat!  In the quest for world conquering, I am going to be way better at it with all the new energy I have!!! Woot!!!  Be nice to yourself!  Be better than you used to be!

OPERATION NAUGHTY BODY IS BACK AND IN FULL FORCE!!! 🙂