The One That Got Away’s Brother

Remember my great love the pink fur vest that got away? (if not, take a quick read here if you want)
Well, meet his brother.  Ok, that’s just a little weird.  But ever since that vest, it seems everywhere I go there is a fur vest staring me in the face.  If it’s not a fur vest, it’s those dang polka dots we talked about.
So, I caved.  I had enough on my gift card to cover all but $10 of this vest and to be honest, since it’s just been a bad couple of weeks, I chose to spend the money on this vest instead of drowning my sorrows and money into food.
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I was hesitant to wear it but I can’t describe to you how I feel when I put it on.  I feel sassy.  I feel a little powerful, in a barbaric, cave woman kinda way.  It doesn’t matter if you love me in it or hate me in it. I have actually brought a few pieces into my closet that I wouldn’t typically be brave enough to sport out in public.  I’m even opening myself up for more criticism by putting my hair in a ponytail.  What?  A fat girl, adding a furry vest to her body AND putting her hair up?  Then, she has the balls to tell the whole internet that she doesn’t care what they think? I won’t even argue that it’s not my most flattering piece of clothing.
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What I will argue, is my peace of mind.  And you should argue yours too!  I love this look.  I really do.  And I love the peace of mind I have when I declare (and genuinely mean it) that you can’t change my mind or convince me that I shouldn’t wear it.
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I don’t even have all the words to describe the most interesting work being done in me yet!  I am the most at peace I have EVER been.  I am excited because I know without a doubt something so big is coming.  I just have to stay the course and do the work.  Part of that work is minimalizing anything that holds that work up or isn’t moving me forward.  And the number one offender of all of that mess is self-doubt and self-hate, which is usually based on someone else’s opinion of me.  Nothing will interrupt my peace of mind faster than negative thoughts towards myself.  When your own body is physically attacking itself with illness, it’s easy to let the mind attack as well.
I love what Valerie Burton posted recently.  I plan to practice these daily since life seems to be trying like mad to knock me down (in the areas of physical health, love and such).  So repeat these after me, throw your hair in a ponytail (it’s actually my fav pic in this post) and sport a big furry vest, all while telling haters to take a hike! 🙂
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The One That Got Away

You know how sometimes you just know?  You KNOW that was the right job to take.  You KNOW moving to that new city was just right.  You KNOW that coffee and caramel and whip cream all go together.  You just KNOW.

Imagine walking into a room and just KNOWING that what was across the way was meant for you.  Sure, you might pass by it trying to convince yourself that your mind is just playing tricks on you.  You try to amuse yourself with other distractions as to forget about what you knew when you first walked in.  You try to ignore that feeling in the pit of your stomach and the increased beats of your heart.  You might even try to fill that space that you KNOW is supposed to be filled with just this one thing, with other things instead.

But sometimes you just know.  So, finally you drift over to that part of the room where THAT THING is waiting on you.  You reach out for just a soft touch and before you know it, arms are intertwined and you lose all inhibition.  

That folks, is what it felt like when I went into Target recently.  This furry vest drew me in like a moth to a flame.  I tried other areas of the store for comfort.  I am not supposed to be buying new clothes anyway so I needed to just put it out of my mind.  Ok, maybe I’ll buy something new, but there is no reason for me to own a pink furry vest.  I will just buy shoes instead.  Nope.  Nothing satisfied.  I finally go over to try the vest on and convince myself that it just didn’t look right.  I didn’t need the added layers on my body.  Where would I really wear it to anyway?  We just weren’t a match, I told myself.  It would never work.  

 

So, I left it. Hanging here for someone else to love.  I’ll never be the same.  

Even though this was maybe written a bit dramatically for a fur vest, it resembles my life more than I care to talk about.  I cannot keep letting things get away just because I convince myself that I shouldn’t have them!  If you KNOW something, if you feel it in all your bones and your heart beats faster for it…..then you have to go after it.  It doesn’t have to to work.  It doesn’t have to be the greatest thing you’ve ever done.  But it cannot go unapproached.  It just can’t!

Farewell pink furry vest of greatness.  I will never forget the lesson you have taught me.