Foreign Parenting for the Faux Mom

Taking on the adventure of hosting a 16 year old foreign exchange student for someone who has never had kids is not for the weak. I didn’t think that I would have too much to say about it. Then, I looked in the mirror and remembered who I was talking to. OF COURSE I have a lot to say!
I decided to start logging the journey via this blog since my normal writing material of dating adventures has come to a screeching halt (mostly because I am choosing to believe my current non-existent dates, patience in distance and growing as a person is going to work out better than any of the previous sport dating did)! It might have also migrated to this part of the interwebs because one status update to capture the daily “log” was monopolizing my friend’s Facebook newsfeeds. So, come along with me on this short journey. It cannot possibly be dull!!
Meet the sweetest teenager in the world. Monica is staying with me from Spain for the school year!

   
 
Now, on to the notes!
Case of the Mondays parenting notes 8.31.15:

1. It will most likely only be funny to me, but, I was explaining that I hate the M word to Monica tonight but she wasn’t understanding. We let it go and a bit later she wants me to explain “dat word moisty” to her again. Ha. Moisty does make moist a little more tolerable I suppose!
2. Tanker (The best dog in the world. Just look at that face!) had an accident in her bathroom (It was quite terrible actually after he has been a bit “inactive” in the bowel dept lately). She volunteers to clean it since I was cooking dinner. I hear gagging and dramatics coming from the bathroom and cannot stop laughing. I tell her to grab the mop and I will show her how to load it. She brings the vacuum. American home ec lesson to follow. 

  

3. I clicked on two parent articles that I saw friends had shared. And read them intently….cause I am a real faux parent now…and that’s what we do….read about how to be a smarter parent right?
4. I wrote. With an actual pen on actual paper. It felt so so so good. I can’t wait to look back on these journalings when I am 80 and remember such good times. At 80 they probably won’t be “memories” as much as completely new information since I will most likely be senile by then. I just hope that I can fill in the gaps between journal entries since my average time is about 1-2 years apart for each entry!!!
5. As I typed this, I sneezed. If you have ever heard my sneeze, imagine it way louder and completely unexpected. Monica will probably never be the same. (Someone actually recorded it once when I had enough warning to give them and I have attached it here for your judging pleasure. And NO, it is NOT “that” kinda sound pervs)!!!

     

  

Click HERE to hear the sneeze

The maxi pad and the doggy diaper (another oldie but goodie)

I know!  I cheated again!  BUT, I was worried with a busy weekend and the potential of being gone to my niece’s state ball tournament and getting caught up in that excitement that I would fail to post 🙂 Cause, it’s not hard to distract me ya know!  Anyway, sure do miss this dog and laugh every time I remember this story.  Poor dog to have to put up with such a scattered human!

4/2010

Well, leave it up to me to think I have come up with the most genius idea on the planet only for it to turn out a total disaster.

Tanker has had this “excited pee syndrome” (yes, it’s a real medical term even though I just made it up) ever since I’ve had him.  For some reason (I’m sure because I’m a horrible dog mommy), it has gotten a bit worse lately.  I’m trying to research and learn how to fix it but in the meantime, I purchased a doggy diaper.  I try to put it on him when I take him to other people’s houses out of respect for those people’s carpets.

It’s amazing how a creature that weighs barely 9 pounds, drinks water strictly twice per day, can pee this much.  He pees when someone first pets him, he pees when he gets rubbed on the belly, he pees when I first get home and am trying to let him out.  It’s amazing.  Sometimes he even pees so much when I take him out, he falls because he has hiked his leg for so long.

The doggy diaper is a denim type material and is washable.  Plus number one, it’s washable.  You buy separate inserts that are essentially panty liners, place those in the diaper, and place on your dog.  Spontaneous pee is instantly less of a problem.

I haven’t had the diaper in my possession due to leaving it at a friends house and just got it back today.  I did not realize however that I am out of the liners that go in the diaper.  Petsmart is the only place I have been able to get these and they are closed for the night.

SO………insert genius plan here.  Since I am a woman and have been blessed with the gift of a visit from Mother Nature once per month….I have enough femine product to make a padded mattress!  So, why not just use one of my maxi pads as a liner in his diaper?

Well, I’ll tell you why.  Because my “overnight”, Always brand, double thick, extra-thick winged maxi pads take up the whole diaper and when wrapped around LITTLE Tanker, hilarity ensues.  I have zero idea how this happened but his back legs were automatically sprawled out  so far apart that he couldn’t walk unless he literally hopped on his front legs and swung his butt around from side to side.  I couldn’t recreate it if I tried.  I would’ve loved to have videod it or to have taken pictures but I’m pretty sure the animal curelty peeps would be at my door quickly.  Tanker is looking at me like I’ve completely lost my mind and that he would probably attack me if it wasn’t so much trouble to drag the maxi pad with him.

Oh well, it will have to do for now.  I put him in his bed hoping that he’ll be ok.  Until……I hear this horrible comotion going on in his cage.  I promptly go to his aide to find him without the diaper on, and his feet stuck to the sticky part of the pad.  I swear he looked like a yorkie on a padded white surf board.  As horrible as I felt about putting him through it, I have to admit that I almost peed myself!!!!  He of course does not find this amusing.

I finally get it off of him and decide that for tonight, the diaper will have to go and I’ll have to deal with any spontaneous pee.  Poor, poor Tanker!  No wonder I don’t have children of my own!

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