Wearing the Things

America.  Here’s the deal.  I did NOT want to show you this outfit.  As much as I love sharing myself, especially my closet, some aspects are a real struggle to put out there.  The good days are good.  People seem to align to your way of thinking and the interwebs join in chorus of agreement that the look I chose for the day is “on fleek” (is that still a saying amongst you young ones?). The bad days, well, they’re not my favorite.  The days when people think because you are putting yourself out there and you are a blunt person, that they can take liberties in being blunt with you in telling you they don’t like your outfit, or if they were you, they wouldn’t wear this or that.

img_0280
One of my biggest “problem areas” physically is my legs.  I have written about them before (remember that guy that called them log legs? Read here if you want).  What’s bigger than my fear of criticism for wearing this style of shoe when I have such big ankles, is my stubbornness.  I am determined to overcome my own stigmas I have attached to myself and to come to a place where when I walk in a room, others can’t keep from catching some of the enthusiasm and fierceness I plan to exude! The stubborn came out in full force when I spotted these shoes on the shelf last year.  They fit, they’re red and they scream “wear me everywhere you can and own every step”!!!  Every voice in my head was saying “ugh, you can’t wear that type of shoe because of your ankle” but all I could concentrate on was that one tiny voice that would wait til it got quiet and then whisper “who. flipping. cares.  These shoes were made for you, dollface”
 img_0282
Up until today, I have only worn them with jeans to mask at least a little of the legs and create the illusion that I “deserve” to wear them, just like someone with smaller legs.  Wow, that’s hard to type out loud.  It’s been in my head for a while…….I have literally had thoughts that I didn’t deserve to wear something because I’m not as little as they typical people who sport these looks.  And it’s as ridiculous for me to read my own typing of that, as it is for you to read it on your screen.
But……
 img_0277
Slowly but surely……and thanks to a lot of inspirational chicks who have “paved the way”………I have gotten more and more brave to sport certain looks and it’s feeling better and better every time that I do!  Today is one of the bravest days of them all!  There was a time, a few years ago, that I would’ve walked into a room and had women stared like this morning, I would’ve immediately thought “oh no, they think I look hideous.  I knew I shouldn’t have worn this.  They are probably going to talk about how fat I am.”.  Today, when I stopped by the store and noticed stares, my head immediately went to “oh good, they see how cute this is too!  I bet they want to know where I got these shoes.  I wonder if they think I’m a famous person since I’m so snazzy this early in the morning”!  Do you know how much work that took but how INCREDIBLE it feels.  My mind simply feels lighter and more joyful.  It starts there and leads to me being kinder than normal, more enthusiastic and definitely more energetic.
img_0281
I ramble all of that to say this:

I took the VERY LONG way around in all that “find yourself”, “love yourself”, “be comfortable in your own skin” mess that we all are supposed to arrive at.  I took the long way and choose to tell you about it in hopes that if you’re on your way, you get there a little quicker than I did.

img_0279
I can’t describe the feeling, but it’s simply awesome when you arrive there.  I physically feel different…..peaceful…..unstoppable…..almost too selfish in the aspect of not caring a single bit what is going on around me.  I wish I could say that I feel this way consistently, but unfortunately, I don’t. Further truth be told, not long ago, I let a really big jerk affect the way I feel and make me question myself.  THAT makes me furious, but that’s also for another blog🙂 and I’m just too happy right now to write about a hot fireman who turned out to be your stereotypical douchelord.
That deserves a bit of a music break🙂 This song is perfect for this blog and a little light dancing🙂 Go ahead – do it!
I cling to the good days.  I document them and use them to remind me not to let the bad days win.  I have no secret weapons or magic potion to this whole living in my own skin thing.
  • I just try to be nice to me.
  • I try not to apologize for it.
  • I own myself and my attitude daily (even if it’s bad or misunderstood and misperceived).
  • I wear the things
  • I celebrate the wins and steps forward
  • I force myself to learn from the steps backwards and not to camp out there very long
Wear the things that make you feel amazing and wear them unapologetically, dang it!!!!!!  I PROMISE you that it will be a small start to a huge ripple effect.  I mean that with all my heart.
If you know nothing else about me, know that there are few who can deny that I am genuine and overly passionate in what I believe.  I believe that every single person should love every single thing about them and NOBODY has the right to impose anything but love and kindness upon them.  If putting my “log legs” out there and rambling about what goes on in my crazy head helps one person to believe that even a fraction more than they did before they started this blog, I win…..and the jerks lose🙂
The End.
If this got you as fired up  as it did me when I typed it🙂  Read some other good ones where I “was woman hear me roar”….aka, I wore the things!

Fancy Pants and French Don’t Mix…

Biggest accomplishment today? Hailing a cab in the pouring down rain in Barcelona. Pretty much a city girl now! :-) 

I love that no two cab rides here have taken the same route! Its afforded us to see other parts of the city , albeit speedy! 
It was a national holiday here so the town was actually quite “dead” so to speak. Shops were closed. The streets weren’t busy. 


And then it started raining. And. It. Has. Not. Stopped. 


Not to worry, we still enjoyed the city. I am amazed at Gaudi’s work here! I will let a preview of the pics do the talking (even though they don’t do it justice) until I get my “real camera” pics loaded. Speaking of, it has been so weird to use an actual camera. And the stress of not being able to upload pics immediately …oy vey are we spoiled!!!



Gonna be honest. Wasn’t sure what to expect for the evening….we had mixed plans…

And then we went to Shoko, at the recommendation of our hotel staff. It was great cuisine (as you can see)….and at midnight, it turns into a dance club. Nothing says burn off the calories we just fed you, like taking away your table and turning it into a dance floor. They also offer at table massages. What an indulgence!!!!


We sat by some French guys who were friendly enough to have some convo and drinks. They even invited us over to the “other side” once the club started. One of them, Alex, could possibly be the funniest guy I have met in a while!! We laughed. We danced. We barely understood each other. We told them it was my birthday. There were language barriers. They thought we were from Texas (because foreign people know Texas way more than Arkansas apparently). 
Biggest regret of this trip is not having the video of them singing. 


Fast forward to getting invited to hang with them in the VIP Section. All fun and games til you sit there like the fat girl at the prom. It was almost the worst….I literally sat there alone, watching everyone have a grand ol time and be hit on. Then I met the two nicest girls from England. They were gorgeous, down to Earth and just kind, which couldn’t have come at a better time (I wish I had pics of them instead of so many of the jerks)!!! As you can see in this pic, I am not hideous……..so why would I let 3 French guys make me feel that way (the 4th guy didn’t, he was the funny one, the one second from the right). 

Here is the thing, ladies (and men who might relate as well)…..even in a foreign country, a million miles away from home, when people are being completely shallow jerks…you HAVE to love yourself. You HAVE to stop negative thinking dead in it’s tracks. You cannot sit and cry while the world is literally dancing around you. Literally. The city of Barcelona cannot be having the time of it’s life while you’re having a pity party on the VIP couch. Unacceptable. You have to accept that some people are assholes and you have to dance anyway. You have to be thankful that you are experiencing a once in a lifetime opportunity that many other will never have. And sometimes, it’s just time to grab a cab back to your hotel and know that you are just fine. 


Sleep tight, America! Tomorrow, we take on Madrid!!!!! Can’t wait to get back there and spend my last few days here with the best family!!!!

Dear Guy Who Stood Me Up Tonight…..

To the guy who stood me up today:

😎

Thank you for doing that. No, really. I mean it. It’s been a rough week. I felt better enough to shower and curl my hair a little, line my lips and “smokey my eyes” for you. It was the first time this week that I felt good about my appearance.


I wondered if you would notice my new lipstick. I mean, you wouldn’t know it was new. But maybe you would just notice a brightness to them in general. I used a new perfume. It was the perfect mix of flowery and sweet. Don’t worry, I only sprayed once. I didn’t want to overwhelm you with loud smells. I imagined which topic of convo we would start with and imagined my smile and witty comebacks in the mirror (yes grown women do that). I even played my “hot date” playlist while I was getting ready to get me in a great mood….as I blew my nose and coughed 4 million times. You know what I was most excited about? That my shoes are too big. Crazy, I know. But apparently since I have lost weight and don’t stay as swollen as much, my shoes are too big. Who would have ever thought!!


Then you were a no show.


I take dating disappointment way better than I used to. I was probably more bummed that I put all that effort into getting ready just to have to wash the makeup back off. I was worried about us being a match on a few levels anyway. You could’ve been a little bit more courteous and actually given me a head’s up that you wouldn’t make it. But you definitely aren’t the first to do that to me. For about 4.2 seconds, I actually wondered what I did to make you lose interest before our first date.


Then I got a text from a friend who needed a visit and drinks. I almost changed out of my outfit and threw my hair in a ponytail to go meet her at the pub down the road. That’s when it hit me. I decided not do either of those things. I kept it all on and met her for a bit.


 And you know what? I realized that I have fallen way too far into not giving myself any effort unless it is a potential date or advancement of some relationship (business or personal). I worked really hard to get away from that once. I cannot believe I was headed back there again.


Don’t get me wrong. I love my jammies, ponytail and makeup free face a lot. A whole lot. But what I need to love and value more are those dear to me….and myself. And both of those things deserve good makeup, good perfume, great hair and good outfits WAY MORE than some first date does.


So, I walked into that pub like I meant it. I laughed and loved on my friend. She encouraged me without even knowing I needed it. Something that would’ve never happened if I would’ve been out trying to impress you. I think I was trying to fill a void with you after being sick and pouty and lonely this week. A void that I know damn well couldn’t be filled by you.


Thank you for standing me up. Through it, I am reminded being alone doesn’t mean that I can’t be “satisfied” through genuine time with dear friends. I am realizing how truly tired of dating I really am. I am starting to see that my time and heart would be better served with so many other things I have been wanting to do…and could spend time doing if I wasn’t trying to prove to the world that there is someone decent left and someone decent who will fall in love with me. I realize how tired I am of always being the one to initiate and progress the conversation and relationship. It gets awfully quiet when you wait on someone to text you first or finally ask you out and initiate real plans. I am reminded that I can put makeup on and curl my hair on a random weekday, in between nose blowing sessions, just because I want to. I was reminded of a path I promised to never take again and can now look at my map and explore another road.


If I ever do run across you again, I will gladly by you a drink to thank you for tonight.

  Fatty McFaterson Is No More

I have struggled lately cause I haven’t seen any big changes recently. But I knew it was my fault for not working as hard the last few weeks. I never care about being “thin”. I just want to be healthier. I truly mean that with everything in me. And being mentally healthy is just as important. Because I can tell you that in some of these before pictures, the ugliest thing about me was the inner struggle much more than the outer appearance issues. It feels SO GOOD to be working hard again and slowing down enough to make wiser choices for myself.


When you see yourself everyday, it’s hard to notice changes when they don’t seem to come in the form of 20 pounds dropping over night. I even noticed that I was falling back into old tricks of trying ridiculous angles on my outfit pics to try and look the smallest. I did not want to do that again. It is SO IMPORTANT to me and at my core to be authentic and real. It’s who I am. So the last thing I wanted to do was start deceiving with my pics. That alone was motivation to get my butt back in gear.
But, when I came home after work today to an apt of teenagers and one who hadn’t seen me in a while made more than one comment about how different I looked, I thought I would go through old pics and make comparisons. Man, am I glad I did. To you, it may not be THAT big of a difference. To me, it’s A WORLD of difference. What is crazier to me is that these comparisons are only from October to now!
 It’s almost a completely different face – less puffy, better complexion…and do you see that happy? Oh the hurt you don’t even know about that was dwelling within me in that top 3rd pic!!!!

 

 It’s a healing difference – even though it had been a couple of months out of a break up in the before pics, there was still SO MUCH anger and hurt. I still get a little angry about it. But the new faces….those are healing faces. Those are faces that are excited about life and that have owned where she is at….determined to be a better than ever face.


Still so far to go. But still so much difference already. I will always be under construction. It’s just so nice to have a different approach to the project lately. Peace, determination, forgiveness of myself (still working on the forgiving the ex part) and the expectation that the new greatness coming, isn’t going to happen overnight…..those are the beautiful descriptions of Alicia 2.37923 😝


I recently had the opportunity to take some really hard truths given to me from a friend and go 400 steps backwards…or finally do something different. The old Alicia would’ve taken the truths spoken and dwelled, cried, ate my emotions and over analyzed for who knows how many days. I would’ve talked to a hundred others trying to get confirmation that those things couldn’t possibly be true. I would’ve decided that I might as well give up on ever being different.

Screen Shot 2016-02-10 at 9.22.32 PM
Instead, I took it to the treadmill and opened a book I never finished about how successful women think differently. And it just so happened that my last bookmark from where I left off was on a segment about strengths and weaknesses. We should be aware of weaknesses within us, but we should concentrate and grow from our strengths…not from constantly trying fix a weakness. Well if that train wasn’t on time, I don’t know what was!!!
See, once again, not a big change to speak of for someone else to read…but a HUGE change for me. i would dare say that it is one of the things I am most proud of in a long time!!
So, THANK YOU for watching me change and being so willing to embrace it and for letting me be me…authentically…and now authentically smaller🙂

The Adele Hangover Explained

I cannot remember a time when I anticipated a human’s existence as much as I have the return of Adele.  I tried to prepare myself as much as possible.  I even entertained the thought of waiting til Saturday to download the album (psssh – puh-lease) just so that I could be completely and emotionally available to soak it up.  Instead, I downloaded at 12:34 in the morning, listened to it as many times as I could before I crashed at 2:30 a.m., wrote about it and now the only thing I am preparing for is the crash of the internet she is surely bringing with her today.
Screen Shot 2015-11-20 at 10.48.32 AM
I am legitimately suffering from an Adele hangover.  And in an effort to help you navigate the emotional roller coaster you are about to go on when you hit play, I have given you a brief recap of each song.  It would be silly of you to think you were going to download and listen to only a couple of songs.  So you’ll need to be sure you read this going in.
anigif_enhanced-23843-1427311479-39.gif
Overall, I expected another sad album that would leave me in the deep pit of despair while drowning my candy cane flannel pajamas in my wine induced tears.  Instead, there were moments of “yeah, you can shove it mr ex…..” and hope, and acceptance of the life that was….and that I’m gonna be ok.
GLORY GLORY Adele.  You could not have done a better job.  I’m actually concerned about you as a person.  The attention you are about to get is going to be overwhelming.  I hope you don’t wear yourself out.
Screen Shot 2015-11-20 at 10.26.22 AM
Without further delay, let’s get started.
By Track:
1.  Hello – there isn’t much left to say about this one.  Unless you have been living under a rock, you have already heard this one and are clear on her message.  At this point, we should all have this one on our list of songs to belt out in the car.  I am hoping, if you are a seasoned Adele fan, that you have already worked through the emotion of this one.

 

tumblr_mar94tk30M1rp4mbk.gif

2.  Send My Love (To Your New Lover) – IF I have to pick a favorite right this second, it’s this one. It’s just where I am at.  I’m hurt and a little angry at my ex.  He promised things and dragged me through empty promises and a few years of making me think I was asking too much or crazy for expecting to be treated like a decent human being worth someone’s effort (he didn’t even put effort into replying to the break up text).  He has already moved on with his new love who I’m sure is wonderful and making him the happiest person on the planet (so you can see where her line of “You set me free.  Send my love to your new lover.” has a ring to it for me).  I have dwelled on hearing about him do all the nice things he does to win someone over up front and how I wasn’t enough to make him keep loving me past that.  This song single handedly, in a matter of 3:43, got me over that.  I’m proud to say I’m now in the phase of, “have fun with that mess.  It will wear off and you’ll see the real him. And I’ll just be over here remembering that I am enough and I have great things ahead.”  Thank you Adele.  I will send you a check for the therapy and I’ll be singing the lines of “I’m giving you up. I’m forgiving it all.  You set me free.” allllllll day.
Screen Shot 2015-11-20 at 10.37.29 AM.png
3.  I Miss You – I didn’t know I could miss someone right next to me.  But the next time I am actually with someone, this song will probably be all in my head and I will secretly be doing a video montage that has a “seize the moment” theme.  It will be a mix of the passion from the early days of Fitz and Olivia from Scandal, a flash image of that one time a guy and I made eyes at the airport that clearly said “we would be explosive together”, and the short imagination that I have the body of a Victoria Secret model walking across a semi-dark room in slow motion.
4.  When We Were Young – This song says “We had some good moments.  It was kinda like a storybook.  I wasn’t expecting to run into you.  I didn’t know I would feel this way when I saw you again.  So I need to tell you about it, if you have a sec.  But please don’t try to win me back. Let’s just have a quick moment and move along.”  This has the potential to make me really miss someone from way back when who, at the time, seemed like the greatest thing ever.  I could easily have a few drinks and be swayed into thinking they still might be that great………until his wife and 4 kids walk up and he says “get er done”………gotta be careful with this song!🙂
Screen Shot 2015-11-20 at 10.27.38 AM.png
5.  Remedy – I needed a break from my own love life. The songs were making me too raw.  So I chose to look at this as an ode to all my kick butt friends.  Maybe a little out there.  But I couldn’t take myself to imagining this song being played as a message to my groom standing at the end of the aisle waiting on me to walk down (side note – you can bet this will play at 9/10 weddings you attend in 2016).  But I could let myself think of all my “core people”.  Especially the ones in rough times right now.  I want to be the Remedy for them.  Cheesy? Maybe so.  But I love my tribe.  This song makes me happy to have them.
6.  Water Under the Bridge – Second favorite.  Sadly, also applicable to at least 5 of the past guys I’ve dated.  Instead of talking to my friend about how “they always drag me along, drop me, but then realize I wasn’t that bad after all, and come back around.” or “they just keep me hanging cause they can’t decide.”, I’m just gonna put this song on and wait.  This song will also be applied to my shower dance routine.  It just has a good beat and I have killer hip moves in my shower concerts. It just seems natural to incorporate.
Screen Shot 2015-11-20 at 10.39.06 AM.png
7.  River Lea – For every person who tries to tell me how to live my love life, this song is for you…..well, the first couple of lines are anyway.  The rest of them are for every dating situation that I sabotage before they even have a chance to turn into something good.  It’s an apology before we even get started.  Because of who I am, I will probably leave.  But it’s ok.  I’m ok.  And you will be too.
giphy.gif
8. Love in the Dark – At first, I thought Adele was relating to every girl who has despised being naked in front of a man in the light.  But then, I realized, that once again, she must have followed my most recent ex and I around.  She puts a simple “We have to be done here.” to beautiful music.  At least in the song, when she is being brave and trying to leave on the best note as possible, she gives the hint that the guy doesn’t want her to and tries to make her stay for 5 seconds.  I can’t say the same for my situation.  But thanks to her, it’s makes me think it’s ok.  We’ll move on.  We’ll live our different adventures and be better for it.  But, for the record, I still don’t want to be naked in the light in front of anyone.  Ever.
Screen Shot 2015-11-20 at 10.32.58 AM
9.  Million Years Ago – Regret.  Loneliness.  Longing.  Only listen to this one if you can sit in front of a window, looking into a field, reminisce on your past journey and then shake it off.  It will be too easy to listen to this one and get stuck.  Don’t do it.  Fight it.  This song is the only permission you have to do something crazy immediately following. Book a skydiving adventure.  Write a book real quick……do something.  Anything.  Hurry before you dwell so hard on what you never did that you never come out of it!
tumblr_inline_mfwzl6X1v31raqsyv.gif
10.  All I Ask – You all just thought she was going to address exes in this new album. Nope. She throat punches you with taking friends to the next level too. Get out of my head, lady. I will not conspire with you! This song will tempt you to confront someone you “think” you might have more feelings for.  Don’t do it.  Don’t leave your heart at their door and ask them to hold you like they are more than friends.  This can’t work out well for anyone.  We’re all scared that we might not love again, Adele.
(I believe she meant something totally different than I interpreted – maybe like a “If this has to end, let’s not make it a mess.  Let’s just soak it up in case we don’t ever find another love.”  But in Alicialand – you get a different spin.)
11.  Sweetest Devotion – I let you in.  I wasn’t expecting to like you.  You came in with a hammer apparently and tore down some walls when I wasn’t looking.  And that turned out pretty cool.  You make me want to be a better person.  I value your opinion.  Let’s do this. I’m all in.  
See, she gives us a happy ending.
giphy.gif
And this is why it should’ve been perfectly acceptable to call in to work with an Adele hangover today.  We should also just cancel all awards shows next year and throw one big Adele award party.
The End.

Dungeons and Douchebags: I’ve Never Dated a Curvy Girl

First, let me just tell you how incredible I feel today!  I have been waiting for just the right time to pull out this amazing dress, that fits like a glove if I do say so myself, and today was it!  I was lucky enough to score this dress for FREE and to say that I feel pretty fantastic in it, would be the understatement of the year. Can we just take a minute to admire the awesome details all over this dress before we jump into douchbaggery?🙂 I will just hang out here while you check it out (isn’t the embroidery so very awesome??).
IMG_5306File_000
Since I am feeling so incredible, and strong, I feel like today is just as good as any to address some dating tips for the men folk.
Recently, I was talking to a guy that I had hoped would lead up to a meeting and great convo over coffee.  He was an older gentleman and according to his pictures, quite handsome.  He looked a little worn to be honest, but I didn’t mind…….my hope was that it meant he was a rugged individual who would be able to climb a tower to rescue me if necessary (ok, that is a stretch, but I’m feeling animated today).
We had talked before but it fizzled out (which should’ve been my first clue).  This time, he decides to say “Can I be brutally honest?”.  I always brace myself when I get a text like that.  You just never know where it’s headed from there.
File_000File_001
After our conversation, and his surprise that I wasn’t completely offended, he has not contacted me again.  We text a few times, only because I initiated the conversation.  This is the part where I realize early enough that he is “just not that into me” and move along.  And I will.  Because I am strong enough to…….especially in this dress today!
File_001

When you explain to a woman that you can’t date her because of her size, what you are really saying is:

  1. I hold myself in such a regard, that I think I am extremely handsome and therefore in a higher regard than you as a fat person. There is a 99.999% chance that you would not qualify for People’s hottest men. This thinking (whether you realize you are doing it or not) makes you a jackass.

  2. Not that number 1 wasn’t enough to just stop, let’s discuss a few more. You are saying that you have no ability to invest time. Cause you might discover that the fat girl is working on herself everyday. Not necessarily to be a skinny minny…but to be a better, healthier version of herself. If she is as strong, ambitious and kickbutt as I happen to be, then she is also probably working towards conquering the world and realizes she needs to be the best version of her to do so.  Because she is most likely self aware enough that she needs to be her best…..what your statement says is that you are not willing to invest time and be a part of that improvement.

  3. You are clearly not self aware. Cause unless you are walking around with zero body fat, the title of Mr. Olympia, and the servant heart of Mother Teresa, you need self improvement too. The difference is, that girl was probably willing to invest the time in you and would’ve probably loved you despite you not carrying the Mr. Olympia title.

  4. You are insecure. You need a “pretty” person to validate yourself. And you probably couldn’t have handled this girl anyway. That might seem a bit dramatic, but I promise you that deep down (maybe deeper for some than others) that plays a part. Maybe you are worried what your friends would think…..again…insecurity.

Do I care that you don’t want to date a bigger girl?  Really, I don’t.  Not even a little bit.  And I have no desire to launch a war against all men who don’t want to date big girls.  What I DO want to do is make you aware that we don’t care and that while you probably think we are crying in a corner over your decision, we are really thinking the above.
Do us a favor and don’t even engage. We aren’t here to make you feel better or like you are saving us. And we are probably too fabulous on our own journey to derail it for you. We won’t morph into the naughty body you are looking for overnight. And there is a huge chance that we don’t want to.
File_002
For those of you just joining us, I have been shopping in my closet in an effort not to save money.  So, we couple that with other randomness to bring you these blogs🙂  Check out my Shopping In My Closet Project here!  Take a look around!

You and Your New Girlfriend Can Suck It!

IMG_2890
Today, I am unstoppable.  It’s a dangerous place to be for someone with my drive and personality.  When you wake up feeling this good and confident, you can take over the world.  And usually, you do, for that day.  The dangerous part comes in when you have so much confidence and excitement for the day that your cares and give a crap meter breaks.  You are more likely to take on that tough situation with a little more gumption than normal.
IMG_2890
That’s where I am at today.  My name is Alicia, and I am unstoppable.  I have an amazing outfit (which we will touch on in a bit), good hair, sparkly bracelets, and I feel great (which is few and far between these days with this new illness bullcrap).  And all of that makes me dangerous.
IMG_2904
MAYBE, just maybe, typing this out loud will keep me from going “all out” today.  We can hope.  But I have an overwhelming urge to address a lingering topic in my life and doing it in this fabulous outfit just seems right.
We all know I love furiously.  That’s the problem with my personality.  When I go, I go hard.  I’m in 410% and sometimes it’s more than disappointing when I don’t feel like the person on the other side is in the same amount.  We’ve talked before in previous blogs about my need to keep my heart in check.  I can’t keep giving it away or I’m not going to have any left for the actual right person that comes along.
Lately, I seem to be the one left standing alone while past suitors latch on to great new relationships.  The typical stuff seems to happen.  They don’t want me or commitment, but then they all of the sudden find THAT woman that makes them do everything they said they would never do and ride off into eternal bliss sunset.  OF COURSE I am not delusional enough to think that it really is that perfect.  But, let’s be honest, when you’re hurt, it sure seems like it.
IMG_2905
BUT TODAY.  TODAY, in all that is fabulous within me.  With all the truth that I know about me and the over abundance of feel good, I address this in my life.  TODAY is the day that worrying about or comparing myself to the new girl (or any other girl) stops.
IMG_2907
I’m sorry I wasn’t for you.  Maybe I was too strong.  Maybe I was too clingy.  Maybe I was too much in general for a host of reasons.  Maybe you knew that you couldn’t keep up with me or be the top notch man I deserved.  Maybe you didn’t like my size.  WHATEVER the reason, that’s on you.  And it’s ok.  Because you not wanting me doesn’t make me less awesome.  TODAY is the day that I say that out loud and give zero cares.
IMG_2906
Today, you and your new girlfriend can suck it.  I will just be over here looking amazing in my great outfit and working on being a better me.  Working towards the best me, actually.
*Disclaimer:  for all the Nosey Roseys out there – this is not directed at one particular man.  There are plenty of exes in my life lately that have gotten way too much of my energy and comparing.  To the exes – don’t get butt hurt.  You’re the ones who didn’t want me, so don’t sit there and pout that I’m writing about it.  :) 
IMG_2909
Stopped typing for a sec to see if maybe I had developed a remorse for tying the above and being too blunt…..nope… :p
NOW – about this outfit!  I caved and tried Gwynnie Bee.  It’s a clothes subscription much like Stitch Fix, but for plus sized women.  Honestly, they drove me nuts on email and I was about to unsubscribe until they offered me a free month.  Of course, they send me this greatness in an effort to pull me in further……and it’s almost working.
  • The jacket is sheer.  The tag even says “M”, as in medium, which I appreciate (even though I accept that I’m not)
  • The skirt, well, it’s just heaven.  It fits like a glove.  It’s comfortable.  And I NEVER thought I would love a slit in my skirt, BUT I DO.
  • I added my own jewelry, cami and heels and VOILA, you see the awesome result.
  • Bonus:  my nails just happen to be glittery too!
I repeat, I am unstoppable.  :)

The Only Time Floppy is a Good Thing….

IMG_4999

Is when it is in reference to a floppy hat or floppy disk. 

IMG_4999I wasn’t aware I even had a love for either until my exchange student demanded that this hat come home with us a while back (isn’t it a fantastic hat…..and I’m completely swooning over the layers of necklaces).  The other floppy love isn’t as much about the floppy disk as it is the times when they were popular.  Ok, maybe they were never popular.  We just didn’t have any other choices.  But, the times that the floppy disk lived in, well, they just seemed simpler.  I think we all go through spurts of longing for simpler, don’t we?  I actually associate floppy disks with my dad.  He was a computer teacher at the time and we had what seemed like a gazillion of them laying around.  See, I’m already going back to simpler memories.  My dad seemed to make everything simple.  

Life is busy.  We are moving so fast towards whatever, that we lack the ability to be simple.  Sometimes that leads to a state of just “blah”……know what I’m sayin?  I am a prime example of this in so many ways that I have lost count.  When I get to going too fast, if I’m being cheesy, life just gets a bit floppy.  The difference in me now is, that I try to be very aware.  I try to slow down every once and a while and examine where I am allowing too much floppy and work towards improvement. I quit beating myself up a long time ago for getting to a state of floppy.  Forgiving yourself is important.  I just try to note it, stop it at the first acknowledgement, and move forward.  What do you do?

Here are where floppy isn’t good for me……Can anyone relate?  

  1.  Floppy Friends – It’s taken me a really long time to be ok with not feeling obligated to keep friends around that aren’t good for me.  Nobody has to be a jerk about it but I simply cannot allow friendships that are a flop to continue.
  2. Floppy Boys – I have no idea when it happened or what switch was flipped, but it has been really cool to try the approach of actually being direct and intentional about my dating life.  Sure, it has cut a lot of guys out of the mix, but that’s more than ok.  I cannot allow myself to give parts of my heart away to someone who gives me floppy effort (or no effort at all).  I was SO SCARED to take this new approach for myself, but so far, I am pretty pleased with how it’s going. 
  3. Floppy Habits – they gotta stop.  They just do.  It is more important than ever, with my recent diagnosis, that I make good choices.  If it doesn’t work for the good of my health, or the good of my life goals, it absolutely cannot become a habit in my life.  I accept this as a constant work in progress for me! I know that if there is one crack in my life, floppy will creep in and take over before I turn around.  Obviously, I am not 100% every day, but having a good army to stand guard helps!

IMG_5002

I’m thinking I need to track down a few old floppy disks and keep them handy as a reminder that I can’t let anything but my cool hat get too floppy! 

Let’s have a great week.  Want to?

IMG_2149

Casually Sequined

IMG_2573

When is it ok to wear sequins to work?

Answer:  It is always ok to wear sequins to work.
One of my fav go to casual outfits.  Covered in feathers today and my hair is cooperating.  It’s gonna be a fantastic Friday for sure! Great tops, fabulous old-school clock necklace and awesome chunky bracelet.
Oh, and a selfie with my dog, because, duh….🐾❤️
IMG_2587-0
I’m feeling extra casual and random today but this outfit makes me feel like I put way more effort into being cute than I did.  It’s ok to say out loud that you’re cute, ya know.  You can do that and you can mean it.  If you don’t feel like you can, just put some sequins on your body and you will magically be transformed into a sassy, confident individual!🙂
IMG_2576
Here are my top five random thoughts about sequins and other things today:
1.  Sequins are better than boys today.  It’s the first couple of days in a long time that I haven’t thought about my last heart break.  I am moving along from it in way healthier ways than ever before (because, unfortunately, this is the 3rd heart break from the same person).  The way I felt when I put this sequined top on (and the one I wore a few days ago) is honestly better than any guy has made me feel in ages.
IMG_2592
2.  Why do we not feel worthy of wearing something sparkly in every day life?  We should.  Because maybe some extra sparkle is just what this crazy world needs right now.
3.  I hope the people who put sequins on clothes are happy people.  I like to think they are working somewhere that is full of rainbows and unicorns and happy music is playing while they apply them.
IMG_2581
4.  If someone doesn’t appreciate a little sparkle from you (no matter what form you bring it in – sequined clothes or otherwise), then you don’t need them in your life.  And this sweet life is too short to let those people linger.
5.  If you aren’t leaving people in a better condition than when you came across them, then you aren’t doing life right.  So, get to it!
IMG_2592