Pete and Repeat – The Boys That Won’t Go Away

Hooray for a new week!  Some of my favorite outfits are up on deck this week to show you from shopping in my closet as well as some of my favorite stories and life lessons to go with them!  You’re going to see lots of repeats this week.  That was what made putting these together so fun, that I had so many pieces that worked with so many different things!!! 

In the theme of repeats, I figured we might as well talk about repeat boys.  Before your mind starts wondering to places it shouldn’t in reference to repeats (especially you people from my home town that know what a stupid teenager I was), let me clarify.  I mean those repeat offenders that you keep letting back into your life when they have proven so often that they don’t deserve to be there.  You know, the ones that you just can’t seem to cut ties with?  Maybe you’re not always the one bringing them back in, but when they show up, you don’t object.  If repeat offenders were one of those punch cards that when you fill up you get free food, I would have been able to feed my whole family last week!  Was there an old flame haunting convention in town and I missed it?IMG_5086

I am going to try really hard to make this short and sweet when every typing bone in my body could get started and not stop until at least a few chapters were written on just this subject.  In my complete education from the School of Hard Knocks and extreme lack of education in the area of psychology and other “guru doctorness”……here are my reasons/revelations as to why the only repeats I want in my life moving forward are good outfits, good movies and good songs on loop!  Although the following is more of a “me preaching to me” session, I am guessing there is someone else that needs to read it too!

  1.  You only have one heart.  It’s so fragile.  And every time you choose to use it to invest love into someone, you give a little piece of it away (or in my case a big piece).  Whether you want to admit it or not, you literally carve out a piece of it for the person you are choosing to love.  With an organ so very fragile, shouldn’t we take extra care of it and be careful how we give it away?  Because, even though we can glue it back together, or give it some kind of repair when it breaks, it will still never be the same.  Rarely does the person who took that piece you gave them, ever give it back in the same condition it was given in.  If they didn’t handle it correctly the first time, why would we allow them to have another piece.  What happens when you have given so many pieces of your heart away that you have nothing left when the right person does come along?  
  2. You are giving them permission to not change.  So, you broke the ties once (or maybe they broke them for you).  You finally begin to heal and realize that you are moving on in a better direction and that there is new opportunity for you to grow from it (or at least I hope that is the case for you).  Now, for whatever reason, they come knocking on the door of your heart again.  Maybe you invited them back out of loneliness.  Maybe they are coming back out of their own loneliness.  Either way, they’re back and your choice on whether you let them back in or not sends a louder message than you know.  Of course there are the situations where one actually does change and things actually can be repaired.  Often, those are more the exception than the rule.  Remember, the ties were broken for a reason.  And more often than not, you allowing repeat back in sends the message of “You don’t really have to change, I’ll let you back in and my guard will eventually fall enough for you to start the old habits of mistreating me again.”  Be careful of the message it sends to your own heart as well.  You could very well be letting it know “hey heart, I know you were working really hard to repair and move on, but we are gonna go backwards for a bit.”  I am not proud to admit that some have gotten not just one repeat trip, but a few.  IMG_5091
  3. You are delaying your real prize!  When you combine one and two above, you get delay.  See, whether you see it or believe it now or not, there is that one purpose that ONLY YOU are supposed to be.  It wasn’t made for anyone else, so nobody else can receive it.  Same goes for that “one person for you”, if you will.  It’s perfectly ok that you take a rugged path to get there or that you take your time.  It’s even fine to have the hiccups of going through a few wrong people.  BUT, if you don’t move from them and you allow them back, you are only delaying the greatest happening of your life.  You just are.  Man, that hurts to type and swallow for me right now!  I will tell you that finally truly believing that I deserve what is supposed to be for me and believing that there really is something THAT GREAT coming, has made it much easier for me lately to “cut the cord” a lot quicker with repeat bad things in my life (whether it be relationships of any kind, food, unhealthy thoughts, etc).  I want to get to the good that I know is there waiting and I do not want any more delays that I bring upon myself!  Make sense?
  4. You are risking an avalanche.  When you allow the repeats and give just that tiny opening for the brokenness to come back in, it is almost inevitable that it will affect other things in your life as well.  In my situation, it just opens the flood gates for negativity and it usually starts with me attacking myself.  It’s not secret that I am already battling that daily as it is.  It took more restraint than you know not to make this post about all the horrible things I see in these pictures (huge legs, puffy wrists, seven chins, etc).  But, if I take a stand against not allowing repeat “bad heart treaters” in my life, then that includes repeat self-hate.

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As usual, I rattled way more than I intended to!  I hope that you get what I am saying and that you truly understand how precious you and that big ol’ heart of yours are!  Let’s end the repeat boys right there and get over to some good repeats, like this outfit! 🙂  This chami was purchased for less than a Sonic drink and goes with SO MANY things in my closet!  First up, is how it looks with this cardigan.  Don’t you just love a long cardigan?  I will have to have the same talk with myself as I do every year.  I will stand in the mirror and say “Alicia, you cannot wear a cardigan every single day this fall/winter.  You have to give the other great pieces in your closet some love too!”.  

Before you go, can we also just please take a minute to drool over these FABULOUS shoes and that great hat?  My exchange student insisted that I bring the hat into the wardrobe family and I am so glad she did!!  These shoes.  Well, these shoes are filling a hole that no man could fill anyway right now! :p 

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Dear Guy Who Said “I can’t date you because of your log legs”…..

You should see me now!

Ankles.  Can we talk about em for a sec?

I happen to hate mine.  I hate my legs in general, actually.  I remember a long time ago in high school an older lady told me what pretty legs I had.  I just wish I would have had enough brain cells as well.  Because if I did, I could’ve maybe realized how important it was to work hard and develop a lifestyle of healthiness and not have the “log legs” I do now.  Log legs.  Isn’t that a terrible phrase?  It’s exactly the phrase that a guy used for a reason he couldn’t date me past the first date.
I remember that date like it was yesterday.  He was a lawyer from Tulsa.  He drove to meet me and we had a lovely dinner at a great local restaurant.  It was the first time I had really dressed up for a date.  I wore the cutest “little black dress” and heels. I felt so pretty.  Our convo at dinner was a great, stimulating combination of quick wit and total sarcasm (my favorite).  He wasn’t someone I would’ve thought that I would’ve liked, but I did.  Then, as we are walking to the car after dinner, he says “I just got an email from work.  Looks like I am gonna have to go.”.  Huh?  When did he even check his phone?  I never left the table and never saw him on his phone.  And when did lawyers get urgent emails on a Saturday night at 10pm and have to jet out of the parking lot like a race car driver?  Whatever, dude.  Clearly we weren’t going to be going out again.  He could’ve just disappeared into the moonlight.  But he didn’t.  He sent a text the next day saying that he was sorry, but he didn’t think we were a match and he just couldn’t date someone with log legs.
Took me a long time to get past that one. Obviously, I am still hanging on to it a bit because I am still talking about it.  I even catch myself wondering what he would think now.  I’m way bigger than I was 7 years ago when he last saw me.  What word would he use to describe something bigger and stumpier than logs?  I think if I saw him today, I wouldn’t even say the snarky things that normally cross my mind.  I think I would just look at him and smile and think to myself “You silly little man.  I hate that you are missing out on who I have become.  But then again, you and your overly hairy arms and Tommy Bahama shirts don’t deserve to see who I have become”.
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That story is all I thought about as I loaded the pics of this outfit.  Add in my discomfort in tucking in my shirt and exposing my untamed stomach to you and the you get Alicia ascending into self-hate at a rapid pace!  Shame on me for giving it that much energy.  As with any other bad thoughts, self-hate, or worry that start to creep in, I play the truth game.  Luckily, playing it with this saved the day!
Truths:
  1.  This outfit is awesome.  Possibly my new favorite outfit.
  2. I do have large legs.  They hold me up.
  3. I do have large ankles.  They also keep me upright (most of the time)
  4. I look great in this outfit
  5. I need big limbs to carry around big awesomeness
  6. So what that I tucked my shirt in.  People do it all the time.  You can too, Alicia!
So I made a deal with my legs/ankles.  You guys keep carrying me around, and I’ll keep working to lighten your load.  And I will never bring around a guy who talks to you like that ever again!
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FashioKNEEsta Follies

Now that you’ve been following the blog and are all caught up on the great shopping in my closet project (if you have no idea what I am talking about, click here), I am excited to share what I come up with.  What I am not excited about is my inability to talk about it.
I have plenty to say.  That’s never a problem.  But I struggle in the world of fashion blogging.  I’m not even trying to be one of those.  I am just stupid excited that I have cool things in my closet to mix and match versus draining my bank account for new stuff all of the time.  I studied great fashion bloggers far and wide.  They talk in fantastic detail about their outfits, the brands they wear, the occasions to wear them, the story behind the purchases…..all very fashionably romantic.  It seems no matter how hard I try to come up with a story or a great bunch of words in relation to what I am wearing, I fall short.  Every.  Single.  Time.
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Chances are, whatever I am wearing was on sale, from a store that was probably on my way somewhere, that I forced myself to stop into, because…..I honestly hate shopping.  It doesn’t make sense.  I know.  I am a girl, of course I like shopping.  Nope.  For various reasons (I’m poor, I hate the inconvenience of the mall, etc), I just can’t make myself like it.  I have instead decided to just post the pictures of the outfits and chat with you about other random things.  Is that cool with you?  Yes?  GREAT!
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I accept that I will never be a fashionista.  It’s a burden only an elite few can bear.  The word fashionista did make me think of knees though (and it actually made me think of it while I was peeing – which is where I do my most genius thinking).  I have great respect for knees.  You can’t hate something that essentially holds you up.  Mine deserve more respect than most, because, let’s be honest, they are carrying around a few extra poundage than most.  I guess it only makes sense that with all the pressure they are under, that sometimes they buckle.  The fact that they never buckle at a good time is when I struggle to still love them.  For example, last night, I had a killer outfit on and pulled into the grocery store to own some food shopping like a boss.  Being there at a busy time encouraged me to walk taller and strut with a little extra confidence on the off chance that the future Mrs. Me was inside awaiting my arrival.  Then I went down.  Not downtown to listen to music or have a few drinks.  Down as in down on my knees (and not by my choice).  It felt like I had an audience of 4,239, but turns out it was only 7.  As usual (I fall a lot more than I care to think about), I picked myself up, acted like there was something in the middle of the floor that tripped me up, and moved on to picking out the perfectly ripe bananas.
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Today’s outfit:
I am pretty certain that I will wear this dress til the threads are barely staying together. It will never go out of style in Alicialand!
And these boots……..they have been screaming from the depths of my closet to come out for the fall. I like to imagine that when I stand in my closet trying to figure out what to wear, they are jumping up and down like Donkey from Shrek saying “pick me, pick me”…..It’s going to be a great fall with these guys!!
Kudos to all of you who this fashion thing and make it look so good.  For the rest of us, grab something out of your closet and wear it with the confidence that if you fell in the banana aisle, you would still rock it!

Shopping In My Closet

I should’ve titled it “Coming Out of the Closet” just to watch my small hometown peeps go crazy thinking they were about to get major Alicia gossip…..but I have to think of my mother 😝

ANYWAY

In an effort to be a better me this year, I decided to start trying to improve finances by grounding myself from new clothes. I have enough clothes to open my own small boutique (no I am not exaggerating). I decided to make whatever I already had work and only buy something new if it was necessary (or if it was free). Thus, the shopping in my closet launch.  
So far, I would just snap pics of whatever outfit I was wearing for the day in an effort to show others that:

1) you can still be fashionable and create out of what you already have

2) big girls can be cute too

3) cute doesn’t have to mean expensive all the time (but I will not deny the happiness a spend brings every now and again).


This has been so much fun. And people have been so much nicer than I expected, that this weekend I got a bit braver. I spent the weekend really digging into just how much I could put together. I enlisted the help of a friend to use my pro camera for more legit pics (orrrrrr maybe I just wanted to feel like I could hang with those other cool fashion bloggers – no worries though- I am not claiming to even hold a candle to that group). We had a ton of fun and from my 2×2 camera screen I REALLY liked what I saw. The process itself was exhausting though. Who knew??!!
Yeah. So, I REALLY liked what I saw (and hopefully you will too. Pics shown here are a collection of what I have put together in past posts)….until I loaded them on my computer screen.

Not the prettiest, definitely not the skinniest…and sadly working on repairing some damage and harsh words from someone that I thought cared…..

I have felt so disgusting and was not kind to myself. I had no idea these health issues and other factors would do such a number on me. I have felt “not good enough” for a while now.


THEN I REMEMBERED that I have cute clothes to cover it all up with 😝. As Anita Renfro says “If you can’t lose it, decorate it!”
I decided that I will give hurtful people and horrible thoughts about myself no more energy. Skinny or fat, my heart is still the same size (I don’t mind being a 2x in that department)!!!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Shopping in my closet has been fun. After this weekend of putting more stuff together, I can ground myself from shopping just a bit longer!!
Sharing my whole body with the interwebs is HARD (especially when I am the biggest that I have ever been). So thank you for letting me share and thank you for being kind!! Can’t wait to show you what I dug out this weekend! It’s going to be a fun week!


Genera Shopping In My Closet Project notes:

1. There will be repeat pieces. But isn’t that what makes it so cool (that I can mix up so much)?

2. Be nice. Be nice. Be nice.

3. You don’t have to like what I do. You do you. But you don’t get to make me feel bad for me doing me and feeling confident about it.

4. Share! Share! Share! Wouldn’t it be SO COOL if everyone shared their closet from time to time?? LET’S SEE IT!! What can you put together? Heck, let’s issue a hashtag so we can all follow it too!! #shoppinginmycloset
Ohhhhh this is going to be soooooooo fun!!!!