When big girls go swimming….and celebrate Memorial Day alone

I can’t believe I am about to type this. But, I have had too much time off this weekend. I NEED to go back to work. I actually should’ve worked today but chose a “mental health day” of crafting and mindless Netflix watching instead. I also forced myself to put on a swimsuit and visit the pool of the new apartment complex I moved into. Interesting things happen when big girls enter the pool force. Interesting things also happen when I spend three whole days alone. Below is a recap.

1.  The first thing I like to do before heading to the pool when a friend will be accompanying me is make them sign a disclaimer that they will never speak of what they see. You have entered into a special circle if I am willing to let you see my old lady, huge flower print, skirted swimsuit. So, when my friend Tamara agreed to join me on our afternoon off AND bring summer drinks, I wanted to be sure she understood what was about to go down. I try to get a good base tan (because brown fat is better than white fat in my opinion) but even my skin color pigments can’t hide all that is my body. You are to act like you don’t see all my cellulite and you are also to pretend that I have a “thigh gap”. Basically, just keep your eyes above the chest and we will be fine.
P.S. Tamara and I had the most lovely day. We don’t feel the need to talk the entire time to entertain each other. So we sipped beverages, laughed a bit, and soaked up the sun. It was pretty close to a perfect day. Especially since we had the whole area to ourselves.

2.  Children at the pool. It’s a great idea. Bring them, throw them in the water, and wear them out while you lay there pretending that you are a million miles away (I plan to do that on my upcoming trip with just myself and my two 5 year old nieces). What’s even better is when you can provide them with toys to keep them entertained longer. What’s not better is when said tools are misused and single girls who are trying to pretend like they are on a beach, with a man, and fruity drinks. Watch where you aim those nerf water guns you sweet little monsters. Someday you’ll understand.

3.  Making out. STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW. ESPECIALLY if you are older. If you appear to be in your mid forties sporting a tween bikini and your man is wearing affliction swim trunks AND you simply showed up to sit on the side of the pool and stick your tongue down each other’s throats all while hugging a little too tightly…….then I reserve the right to text every friend that will listen to me and post on every social media site I am on judging you. Yes, only God can judge. But I also believe God wouldn’t approve of you in that behavior (especially when kids with nerf guns are present)……..and I refuse to believe that God’s sense of humor includes sending you to the pool to make me jealous of your make out session. It took all I had not to chunky dunk beside them to break it up.

4.  One girl of a bigger size showed up in a tshirt and long shorts. I felt bad for her. She was doing little things to position herself well and kept looking around as if she was worried people were looking. She also looked uncomfortably hot. I remember being that girl. I refrained from giving her my influencer “love yourself” talk but it did make me thankful for my journey. It took a LONG time to layout in front of total strangers in a swimsuit (thank you Carnival cruise 2013 for solving most of my swimsuit self esteem problems). My swimsuit is actually probably 7 years old because the process of swimsuit buying makes me physically ill (and the last time I did it before my cruise in 2013, I left Dillards crying). But….I promised myself in 2014 that I would be kind to myself. And I would do things for my mental health whether they made me comfortable or not. Laying out at the pool is one of my most favorite escapes. So, I bought two new swimsuits and paraded myself right down to that pool all weekend. I didn’t even flinch when barbie entered with her posse. I just laid there. On my stomach, butt exposed, hair pulled up and headphones in. I didn’t even suck in when I walked by what appeared to be a single dad on my way to get in for 2 minutes to cool off (2 minutes is all you could stand….the water was COLD). Plus, he was wearing Hanes underwear with his swim trunks (i know this because they were sticking out) so he has no room to pass judgement on me 🙂 I didn’t even run inside when I discovered I missed a spot shaving and knew that if anyone got close enough they could be startled. Nope. I just laid there. And pretended like I was a million miles away. And it was the best thing I could’ve done for myself.

5.  I am declaring arm exposure this summer. Every summer I stress out so much over the opinions of others should I wear sleeveless shirts or dresses. What will they say? Will they be concerned that my elbows have suffocated being covered up by my flabby upper arms that seem to be drooping over them now? Will men not find me attractive? UGH……so tired just typing that. Guess what? I DO NOT CARE. I am a woman with hot flashes like no other. I am a woman who needs to do more than serious toning efforts. But, the retail industry isn’t making it any easier on us when they make 99% of their summer tops to expose the arms. And, in case you didn’t catch it earlier. I’m hot. ALL THE TIME. So, for now I’m declaring that I am going to make myself be ok being sleeveless. Ask me how that goes when I’m trying to figure out what to wear to a gala on Friday night with a date. Who wants to start an arm revolution with me? Who wants to give me toning miracle tips? 🙂

6.  I crafted. A lot. Basically the last three days consisted of waking up late, going to the pool, coming back inside and crafting while watching Netflix. The pool time and the hours of alone time and crafting were better for me than I would’ve ever thought. I’ll be sharing “when poor girls craft” with you later! I need to recover from hot glue gun finger burns, paint stains on my cute manicure, exacto knife slices and failed pinterest project attempts.



HAPPY SUMMER!!! I have a feeling this is going to be one of the best ones yet! I think it’s going to be so great because I am promising myself kindness. And I think the alone time is going to be so much better than I would’ve ever imagined. Love yourself. Jump in the pool. 20140526-223759-81479503.jpg

Laughter in the Busy Basket

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I had no idea when I planned to blog everyday for the next 30 days in an effort to “do something different” and stick with it, that my busy basket would all of the sudden be filled to the rim!  I’m swamped at work more than ever.  I am moving to a new place this weekend.  I have a gala to attend Saturday night and literally every weekend until March is crammed packed with a full schedule.  I know, it’s all of my own doing.  I have already pulled out the big girl panties to deal.  It has however, interfered with my great plan to peacefully just come home and write an abundance of really thought provoking, in depth words of wisdom.  Instead, it has lead to exhaustion induced comedy.  Or at least that is my way of dealing with the overwhelmed and exhausted feeling.

So, without further delay I bring you my Wednesday (which I thought was Thursday all day)

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  • It started with no less than 10 snooze button hits followed by a 30 minute conversation with myself about how no matter how busy things are, I must get up.  Hiding under the covers will not work.  I then negotiated with myself that I would get away with a messy pony tail and sport my red/white polka dotted glasses and that should ignite the sassy factor getting the day started.

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  • When I get to work, I start my usual routine of making a cup of green tea (I so miss coffee on this stinking detox) and warming up breakfast.  Then I like to get to my desk, enjoy my breakfast and evaluate what the glorious day beholds for me.  I do not like being interrupted while in conversation with another person.  Especially when it’s by a spastic, over-reacting coworker wanting me to do something that they are more than capable of doing themselves.  What if I died tomorrow Tory?  Who would schedule your meeting then? When am I going to get that paper work done for you?  You mean the 6 new projects worth of paperwork that I just got yesterday? Can you not see that I’m eating my omelet, talking to someone else about another project and waiting on my green tea to kick in?  Do you not realize the implications of making a big girl on detox put her fork down when this omelet recipe is one of the only things that feels like food????????

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  • Based on the immediate interruption compared to the amount of work I must accomplish today, I decide to lock myself in one of the side offices that stay empty in our office.  Perfect.  I can listen to my music out loud, spread all my papers and junk out and crank out some serious work today.  Go.  Wait!  What in the living heck is wrong with this mouse?  Why will it only scroll on the bottom of my screen?  Ugh, I’m moving the dang thing all over.  Great.  I have fought my computer for a week and now my bleeping mouse is going to go crazy?  Oh, wait.  It’s pointed upside down and facing the wrong way?  Ummmm, ok.  My bad.  (it’s a Mac wireless mouse so easy to confuse ok?)

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  • I watch Tory pass by the office no less than 32 times throughout the day.  I can tell it is taking every bit of restraint not to come peek in to ask me something.  Don’t do it Tory.  Not today.

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  • Lunch break.  Quick run to get the keys to my new apartment.  Definitely a high point in the day.  I am SO EXCITED for new adventures.  I haven’t been on my own since leaving the abusive relationship I was in a couple of years ago.  I can’t wait to move continue healing and move forward.  I know there are so many good things ahead.  I sit in the middle of the living room floor just looking around and enjoying the silence.  Yes, it’s an apartment with neighbors.  Yes I wanted to wait until I had everything completely perfect before moving.  Of course I haven’t packed.  I have no “theme” planned out for each room.  I still need to pick up a thousand things.  But sometimes I think waiting til all is in order is a way of putting off stepping out of my comfort zone.  Shhhh Alicia.  Enjoy the silence.  There is no barking dog next door (seriously I don’t know how the dog even has a bark left because it LITERALLY barks ALL NIGHT LONG EVERY SINGLE NIGHT).  You are sitting in your own place.  On your own.  Not looking over your shoulder wondering if the car passing by is your ex coming back for you.  Those keys in your hand are your next step to the wonderful life you have been working so hard for.  Ok, peaceful elation over.  Back to work.

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  • THANKFULLY my coworker that joined me in the side office (she needed to hide as much as I did) and turned on some great tunes.  There we were, rocking out our to do list, rapping to some 90’s Will Smith.  Like a boss.

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  • FINALLY leave work to come home and cook.  This whole cooking thing is so new to me but I am loving it.  I have never cared to cook for just myself.  But now that I am doing this detox and have to be so careful about what I eat, I have forced myself to learn to cook.  And I love it.  I make the detox version of parmesan chicken and start to tackle a homemade ice cream recipe.  So excited to have a taste of cocoa.  Add in the bananas and I am pretty sure that every crazy thing about today is going to melt away.  Nope.  The ice cream was a huge fail.  Sad times.  The chicken though was good even if I did have to do without the cheese.  I don’t cook pretty.  I make a huge mess.  But I’m trying.  So the chicken was a little burned.  I’m eating it anyway.

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  • Gave a free profile consultation to a guy on the dating website I am on to help improve his presence there.  That was fun.  Did the dishes.  That was not fun.  And lastly sat down to some good tunes on Spotify to type this so that I hold up my promise.  Unfortunately there are a few work emails that need to be dealt with before bed but it was a nice break to cook and write.

I love a good balance of busy and downtime.  But I also choose to look at times when the busy takes over as an opportunity to buckle down, see what I am made of, and learn something from it for the future.  I like to laugh at myself in the process and look back to see how far I came and wonder how in the heck I made it through that season.

Never take life too seriously.  Nobody makes it out alive. ~ Sydney J. Harris

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