Madrid Is For Lovers….And For Me 

Well. HELLOOOOOO Madrid!!! We started the last leg of our trip today. Madrid had a lot to live up to after such amazing times in Marbella and Barcelona. What I have been most excited about for this part of the trip is the family aspect. I have been anticipating a true Spanish family feel and have NOT been disappointed (you’ll meet all of them in tomorrow’s blog).

I wasn’t sure if the city exploring was going to live up to what we had already seen. Then, once we got off the metro, it was like Madrid said “girl, please….get over here and let me show you what we got”

SITES

At first it was cloudy and colder. We needed to sit by the heaters to enjoy lunch outside. But then, the skies cleared. The bluest sky came through and we enjoyed THE MOST BEAUTIFUL park walk. This park made Central Park feel uninteresting and underwhelming (Sorry NYC, you still have great pizza going for ya). Most of my pics were taken on the real camera today (thanks Apple for crappy iPhone battery life these days), but the ones I did get on my phone didn’t even need a filter to make the colors pop! The sky really is that blue!!!

The very first thing I noticed when we got into the park (after I scooped up a pair of fake Nikes from the street vendor) was how it could be so easy to fall in love here. There were people kissing, street musicians playing, little rowing boats. Ah. I couldn’t even hate it! If my future husband is reading this, go ahead and book a trip for us……kiss me by the fountain, buy me an ice cream and then let’s rent a segway and laugh at how clumsy I would probably be on it😝


FOOD

It will be hard for America to convince me to have certain things again, like cappuccino and tuna. I don’t know of any places that could match what I have tasted here. The food is just so good. I neber thought I would be this rmotional about food or even have that mich to carry on about it. But here, you definitely do. So much in fact, that when we shared a table with some other people who didn’t even show ANY emotion over their tapas, I was annoyed at them! The homemade food is even better! Tonight for family dinner we enjoyed homemade paella and a pear dessert that is probably illegal somewhere, it’s so good!! I LOVE that dinner in itself here is an event. It’s not just eat and done. We visit for hours with lots of laughter! If anyone in this country goes to bed hungry and sad, they are crazy!!


SHOPPING

I hate shopping. I truly do. But I sure found a way to love it with all the fantastic shops here. Any shop you could ever want. Our fav from today was Primark. It’s 5 stories, cheap prices and good stuff! I fell victim to so many things that I have had to buy another suitcase. How silly of me to declare before I came that I wasn’t interested in buying anything I was here. I really thought I meant that 😜


I have two HUGE regrets today. Not following through with buying this sequined fanny pack (I wish you could see how flashy it was in this pic) and letting the pink glittered wallet get away…….sigh…..


I also am quite envious of this unicorn tape dispenser my friend snatched up!

Today was good! Tomorrow is family lunch with the WHOLE Madrid family and I can hardly stand the wait!!

❤️❤️❤️❤️

La Sagrada Familia = las Speechless….Leaving Barcelona 

I would have never guessed that I would physically feel so much attachment and sadness to leave each place we have visited. But I genuinely do feel it. It hurts to leave. Barcelona showed up and left a permanent mark on my heart and spirit!!! 

As I sit on the rainy train back to Madrid, I am already trying so hard to trap every smell, smile, meal, sites and the people we met into my memory, in hopes that it never leaves (and if you know me, you know how my memory works). I am not trying to remember how noisy these trains are, though. People take calls, phones aren’t on silent….just noisy! Thank baby Jesus for headphones and Spotify!!


Our last stop before catching our train was La Sagrada Familia. There was an overwhelming number of recommendations to make sure we fit this into our trip. And from the minute we got out of the taxi, you could clearly see why.

 It honestly, with no exaggeration, took my breath away. You just kinda have to stand there and soak it in for a second before you can go inside. It’s THAT magnificent. There were a couple of moments inside that we just sat in complete silence to absorb all that was around us. What was so cool is that in the spots we did that in, others were doing the same. The silence was so neat. Whether it be because people were saying prayers, making mental notes of their surroundings or just in deep thought…..it brought a soothing atmosphere and commonality to an area filled with so many differences. 

I’m still not very knowledgeable about who this Gaudi guy is that created all these incredible buildings, but I sure would’ve loved to have sat him down for a cup of coffee and tap into even a fraction of his mind!


I could go on and on, but I will let you do your own digging on this place (and it’s more than worth spending a few clicks to read about it) and let some of these pics do the rest of the talking. Although, I’m not sure there is a picture out there that can truly capture how incredible this place is (plus these are just from my phone. Can’t wait to see the “real camera” ones). I loved the basement workshop and scale models almost as much as the basilica itself. I searched the whole gift shop for a pic that would ignite the feeling I had so that I could bring it back, hang it in my place, and feel that breathless feeling over and over. I didn’t find exactly what I wanted, but I do regret not bringing this poster back with me!!


Goodbye Barcelona. Thank you for the love. You truly swept me off my feet. ❤️
Now I have to get back to my Madrid family and smother my girl with lots of hugs!!!! 



Fancy Pants and French Don’t Mix…

Biggest accomplishment today? Hailing a cab in the pouring down rain in Barcelona. Pretty much a city girl now! 🙂

I love that no two cab rides here have taken the same route! Its afforded us to see other parts of the city , albeit speedy!
It was a national holiday here so the town was actually quite “dead” so to speak. Shops were closed. The streets weren’t busy.


And then it started raining. And. It. Has. Not. Stopped.


Not to worry, we still enjoyed the city. I am amazed at Gaudi’s work here! I will let a preview of the pics do the talking (even though they don’t do it justice) until I get my “real camera” pics loaded. Speaking of, it has been so weird to use an actual camera. And the stress of not being able to upload pics immediately …oy vey are we spoiled!!!



Gonna be honest. Wasn’t sure what to expect for the evening….we had mixed plans…

And then we went to Shoko, at the recommendation of our hotel staff. It was great cuisine (as you can see)….and at midnight, it turns into a dance club. Nothing says burn off the calories we just fed you, like taking away your table and turning it into a dance floor. They also offer at table massages. What an indulgence!!!!


We sat by some French guys who were friendly enough to have some convo and drinks. They even invited us over to the “other side” once the club started. One of them, Alex, could possibly be the funniest guy I have met in a while!! We laughed. We danced. We barely understood each other. We told them it was my birthday. There were language barriers. They thought we were from Texas (because foreign people know Texas way more than Arkansas apparently).
Biggest regret of this trip is not having the video of them singing.


Fast forward to getting invited to hang with them in the VIP Section. All fun and games til you sit there like the fat girl at the prom. It was almost the worst….I literally sat there alone, watching everyone have a grand ol time and be hit on. Then I met the two nicest girls from England. They were gorgeous, down to Earth and just kind, which couldn’t have come at a better time (I wish I had pics of them instead of so many of the jerks)!!! As you can see in this pic, I am not hideous……..so why would I let 3 French guys make me feel that way (the 4th guy didn’t, he was the funny one, the one second from the right).

 

Here is the thing, ladies (and men who might relate as well)…..even in a foreign country, a million miles away from home, when people are being completely shallow jerks…you HAVE to love yourself. You HAVE to stop negative thinking dead in it’s tracks. You cannot sit and cry while the world is literally dancing around you. Literally. The city of Barcelona cannot be having the time of it’s life while you’re having a pity party on the VIP couch. Unacceptable. You have to accept that some people are assholes and you have to dance anyway. You have to be thankful that you are experiencing a once in a lifetime opportunity that many other will never have. And sometimes, it’s just time to grab a cab back to your hotel and know that you are just fine.


Sleep tight, America! Tomorrow, we take on Madrid!!!!! Can’t wait to get back there and spend my last few days here with the best family!!!!

Tapas and Tiaras…Fancy Goes To Barcelona 

Where do I even begin for today’s recap?Today has been a day that definitely deserves a “hashtag blessed” with no shame. I have used every cliche white girl phrase I know to go on and on about the day!

MY MIND AND MY HAIR

It occurred to me this morning on the way to the train station (as I was furiously typing and journaling notes before I forgot them) that my mind hasn’t been this clear in ages!!!!!! I keep equating it to a visual of a custodian with an industrial broom, sweeping and cleaning up the floor. There is nothing in the room, it’s a clean slate. Ahhhhh….that feeling is so great!!!! I owe Spain big time for that alone.
In America my hair is dry and brittle and I spend an ungodly amount of money to try and make it soft and luscious! In Spain, it’s a dang hair commercial and so soft I can’t do anything with it…yet, I wanna touch it all the time and want everyone to know how soft it is!



HOTEL

Let’s start with the hotel. We are staying at the Olivia Balmes and it is D I V I N E! We were greeted by the best staff. We were early and hoping they would just hold our bags until we could check in, so we wouldn’t have to carry them while we explored. That wasn’t acceptable to them. They instead went ahead and prepared our room AND gave us champagne while we waited! Not to mention, our host Lenin is VERY easy on the eyes! ☺️ There is a rooftop pool (that sadly thanks to unexpected cooler weather, we wont be able to use-but the rooftop in general is pretty awesome), our room is great, we met some lovely people from Connecticut and it’s surprisingly quiet here.

Temperature 

It. Is. perfect. 

Enough said. For me anyway. For my friend and others, it could be interpreted as cold. I will admit that I needed a scarf at dinner, but that is still the just right weather for me!!

FOOD

Our new friend on staff, Lenin, gave us a lunch suggestion and this, people, is where the day gets good!!!! MY GOODNESS the food!! We sat down, allowed our waiter Carlos to order tapas for us and pour us sangria and life just got exponentially better from there. THE FRESHEST tuna, THE MOST succulent crab/tropical salad, some form of chips with a caramel glaze AND…..fried potatoes with fried egg and some magic sauce (this last one- my my my -it’s what I imagined A 6 star Waffle House with a hangover would be 😜). JUST LOOK AT THE FOOD!!!! Praises ALL AROUND!!! I’m not ashamed to say I savored and made sweet love to every bite I took! Tonight we had dinner on the oceanfront, with more huge yachts. It was filled with great convo as well as a phenomenal and peaceful atmosphere! It’s not that busy this time of year, which makes getting into restaurants pretty easy.


SHOPPING

High end shopping was not something we were gonna pass up since the gang is all here (Luis, Gucci, Chanel, Tiffany’s, Hermes, Cartier, etc). We knew we could hang so we did what anyone of our economic stature would do…..we started at Tiffany’s to use the bathroom and stood in line to be admitted to shop Luis V, to get their free water (we were parched, yo) 😝


All joking aside (sort of)……Apparently nobody has huge boobs and butts in Barcelona. I’m literally the only one. It’s fine, it saved my wallet some damage…No one should ever go shopping after eating tapas and a liter of sangria anyway. I finally had to accept the fact that all I was going to try on without feeling like I swallowed 4 Barcelonians, were sunglasses, scarves, earrings and necklaces (not that I’m complaining because I got some cute ones -I mean, look how this necklace fits!!)!!


I don’t know why I spent most of the day talking myself out of a nice treat (like a new Tumi bag that I ended up going back for -scratch that. I ditched the Tumi bag for some AMAZING clothes that I can’t wait to show you! Sneak peak here with this cape…which is totally Bad-A…annddd I’m bringing home a kelly green leather jacket -obviously what you read in the next few sentences has been cured!).


I saved hard for this trip so that I wouldn’t worry about things and be able to shop for something nice. Yet, I spent half the day justifying…..as if I didn’t deserve it. And that is simply not true. It’s ok to buy nice things on vacation. Thankful for a friend who has reminded me of that, and a frw other things!


My dinner outfit was the perfect find for a fall night in Barcelona!! Thankfully after whining about clothes, my friend found a store for me and I RACKED UP! She did too with this great sheep leather jacket!


THE BUILDINGS

Today was more of a shopping day. You can’t shop tomorrow because they are all closed for Columbus day. So tomorrow, we hit the architecture. All the buildings are so great, but I am especially excited to explore Gaudi!!!!

Leaving Marbella

Today was a sad day. We had to leave Marbella. It’s necessary to continue our adventures but it sure was hard to leave such an amazing place. There are few words to describe how incredible this place was. I almost want to call Barcelona and let them know what they are up against because the expectations right out of the gate of this trip, are very very high.


Marbella is a town that will suck you in, romance you with the amazing weather, endless perfect ocean, great food, the beautiful fragrances and relaxing atmosphere (oh the fragrance of the jasmin and orange trees! I will spend the rest of this trip trying to find that smell in a bottle to bring back with me!!). It’s easy to fall in love with it.


If only I could find a man to ignite the same feelings in me that this place did 😝 I did find my first Latin Lover of the trip. He has great muscles and an uncanny ability to never argue back 😜


As we headed out of town today, we stopped by the marina of Marbella. I’m not sure why my parents were never owners of yachts and Bentley cars in Marbella, but I’m pretty sure that they should’ve tried harder. This was clearly where I belonged. Everything was scenes I had only seen in movies. I was in complete awe. (Just kidding about trying harder, mom! You did great and I love where I’m from – look at how great I turned out without a yacht and a Bentley)


The rest of the day has been spent driving. It’s quite a long drive back to Madrid, but it’s hard to mind when the scenery is this incredible and the company is about as fun as it gets! You guys, there are MILLIONS of olive trees here. MILLIONS. Literally. I had no idea they were so prevalent here. And I would think after 3 days I wouldn’t be as fascinated by them, yet here I am about to dig through a thesaurus to try and find big, emphasizing words to make you understand what I am talking about. THEY. ARE EVERYWHERE. Sure makes eating olives out of a jar back home harder to eat!!! (These pictures from my phone are just not accurate enough -see that green…All olive trees. And they are as far as the eye can see…I swear it)

The long drive and no phone/internet service gave me lots of time to think (which is always dangerous)…..and lots of time to talk. At least 94% of the drive was used to make fun of me for various things, like the fact that I have mad cattle knowledge and can look at a cow or bull and get pretty close to their weight and how much they would sell for. I think everyone in the car unanimously agreed that it is a complete shame that I am still single with all this knowledge to share! First thing I am doing when I get back to the states is updating my dating profiles!!!!


In all seriousness, I got to share a love story. Or, in my case, a lost love story. The one that got away, if you will……but also, maybe the one that still has a chance! That’s what road tripping in Spain will do for you. It will show you amazing scenery and after getting a clear mind from the beach, you start to get a little renewed spark back in you. You think of all the things that you should be doing and how when you get back, you are going to go for it. You are going to find that yacht life and declare your love that has already lost ten years, and can’t be wasted for one more second!!!!!

To be continued……..can’t wait to see what Barcelona shows me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fancy Goes To Spain (day dos)

I was trying to paraphrase today into a simple status update for Facebook, but quickly realized that I just had too much to say for that approach.


I’m skipping ahead to document day 2 while it’s all fresh on my mind. We will save the dysfunctional travel/getting here stories for another time. Because, let’s be honest…..when you are sitting on the beach as relaxed as I am right now (as in noodle arms and can barely type), you don’t want to think about dysfunctional travel!


Today has been INCREDIBLE, y’all!!! We are in Marbella and I flipping swam in the MEDITERRANEAN ocean!!!! It was freezing, yet refreshing and exhilarating all at the same time. I might have fallen asleep so hard on the sand that I drooled on my beach towel. Just what my body needed for recovery. The ocean was like my very own epsom salt bath.

I was soaking it all in. I purposely slow my breath and my mind at the ocean. It’s the best connection and reset for me. It’s what my soul needs. Ever since my first trip after I left the abuse, the ocean has been my “plugin” or “outlet” for recharging, if you will. And it has been long overdue for a visit. I will never, ever take these visits for granted.

As poetic as I just tried to make that sound, it wouldn’t be a real Alicia day without some clumsy. There I was, enjoying the majestic that is the Mediterranean. And then I tried to get out. The beach and entry into the water here is very rocky. So, when I lost my footing trying to come out, I knew I was headed down. Down I went. On my knees. Until the waves came and knocked me on my rear. Then another wave took me under. I can only imagine what the fine people on the beach thought about the silly American getting her butt handed to her by the water. Literally.


Even with the fall, it was the most relaxing afternoon! IT IS PERFECT here! The pictures and words can’t emphasize that enough!!!


Still waiting to run into Antonio Banderas and Sean Connery 😝
Other general observations:

They have sparkly rocks here. Like they knew I was coming!! You can’t really see them in this pic well, but they do sparkle. You can see them if you ever come visit my apt though because I am bringing them back with me!!


I COULD SEE AFRICA. A girl from little Yell County, Arkansas was sitting on a beach in Spain and could see Africa. Guess what trip I am already planning for?!?! You cant see it in this pic, but it’s there in the distance, past that sailboat. Just a ferry ride away.


It did not occur to me to care that I was the fattest person on the beach. That’s not taking a jab at myself. I really was. But not once did I feel judged, or even noticed for that matter, by anyone that was there. Europeans just don’t care. And today I didn’t either. I may not come back to America based on this alone.


Sweet Tanker is even in Spain!! Monica’s mom painted this and it’s hanging at their beach house!!! I loved walking into the room and seeing this!!


I could not have gotten more lucky with the sweetest exchange family around!! So excited to have the opportunity to visit!! Their hospitality and making sure we are having the best time is unmatched!!! Forever grateful that I came across them a little over a year ago!!! I have missed this girl so much!!!! (And having a great travel friend like Barbie on the right here, has been pretty sweet too!

When the Internet Hates Me

Well…..I knew this day would come. I just didn’t know it would be this liberating to address this time around. It’s funny how much energy we give to our critics. It’s also funny to me that I have any at all. I usually truck along each day assuming that most barely notice my social media presence.

I don’t have a viral amount of followers. If you were to track my interactions statistics, you would see that I don’t get a lot of engagement, percentages wise. I’m not even good at rallying any “shares” or gaining a lot of traffic to this blog or to any of my posts. I am always shocked to run into people and have them reference a post when I didn’t even think they knew we were social media “friends”. I have my core social media group that I can always expect interaction from (and I love them dearly). So, by all accounts, one would assume that there wouldn’t be a large pool of “haters” out there, since there barely seems to be any “pay attentioners” 😝

This is where my small town naivety flashes over me like a neon sign. OF COURSE there are critics. OF COURSE there are people who find it easier to pick on someone else instead of admitting their own insecurities. OF COURSE there are people who can’t handle how comfortable and happy someone is within their own self. OF COURSE there are people who truly think they are helping you by the incredibly rude (or what they call honesty) things they are bold enough to say to you (because they assume it won’t bother you, since you are a blunt person).

I have addressed critics before (you can read that here for a refresher). Every time I address things like this out loud, I get asked “Did someone REALLY say that to you?”.  The answer is always yes (just because I choose not to air screenshots or names doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen). I try to make it a habit of not giving them too much attention in posts and such. What they say may rattle me for a second, but usually I shake it off. Plus, I don’t think any negativity or counter productiveness towards another human, deserves much attention.

But, it seems as if once a year or so, for my own cleansing and therapy, I need to address them out loud, in bulk. 😎 you see, part of my problem is that I just don’t care much anymore (as in the amount of cares I give is so little in every aspect of life, that I really need to get it under control before the only friend I have left is my dog). I personally am bathing in how good it feels to finally be at that point. Even better than that is that I care even less about those who have negative things to say to me. I cannot put emphasis on that enough in words. But if you are ever nearby, take me out for coffee and I will GLADLY make sure it’s communicated clearly in person. What leads me to a point of addressing hate towards me at all these days is when I do address it, I simply feel like I have turned off the noise.

It just builds up. Like little annoying coyotes in a field at night. You know they aren’t that close to you, but you can still hear them. They just howl on and on and when enough of them get together, even though they won’t come close to your house, they can still make enough racket to make you want to yell “OH SHUT UP ALREADY“. And that’s where I’m at.

I’m addressing the latest round of hate mail, not necessarily for myself this time, as much as for the hope that others will gain some confidence to be themselves out loud, just a little bit more boldly DESPITE any critics they are encountering.

  • In regards to my closet project: Those aren’t “real” pictures of you. They are filtered or photoshopped.
    • Response: Nope. They aren’t. They are taken “on the fly” every time with my iPhone usually and I am usually just praying that nobody zooms in on the poor resolution of them! I tried to do a couple of “work ahead” shoots with my professional camera and I simply just don’t have time. I don’t know how some of these fashionistas on Instagram do it with a full time job. So, what ya see is what ya get. Example: yesterday’s outfit post compared to this chick’s outfit posts, which are always top notch and way fancier than mine (she is local and had 84k followers, a kid and works…I am beyond lazy compared to that).  I am flattered that my awesome new line of makeup makes me look like I applied filters though!  I am happy to sell you some if you’re interested!
IMG_9751
Photo used from Instagram user themrsgibby
  • “Funny how you are always shooting from an above you angle, Alicia”
    • Response: …welllll…DUH. That’s social media pic posting 101, folks! Why is it bad for me to try and capture my best angle/look? Who voluntarily says “let me shoot from am angle that captures all my chins”? I’m a big enough girl, that an elevated angle isn’t going to make THAT much of a difference, sweets! But, just for fun, here is a straight on angle versus a pic where the person was a couple of steps above me. Yeahhhhhh, way different. I look like a completely different person. NOT!! IMG_9754
  • You can’t post only the good stuff and try to make people think you’re perfect.
    • Response: This one is just laughable and shows that either a) you don’t really follow me at all or b) you have me hidden from your feed. Anyone who knows me for more than 3 posts, knows I post it all. Yes, I try to stay on the positive or humorous side, but that’s because I feel like life is just better from that side. I try to exercise silence (yes, it happens!) versus airing negativity. I used to go on all kinds of rants back in my more immature days 😝. Plus, some things are just none of your social media business. I realize that perception is a part of it. Some may read what I post differently than I intended for it to be interpreted. That’s on me to be mindful of. But at the end of the day, I make no apologies for what I put out there and I certainly make no apologies for how you misinterpret. My give a crap meter is busted beyond repair. BUT…to humor you in regards to “real” pictures…..I gladly give you this, today’s outfit. My hair is a mess (thank Jesus for a hair appt Saturday)…I don’t particularly care for this outfit…..and it’s a straight on shot….that ought to satisfy your craving for something to talk about. Oh, AND I have gained back 5 of the 17 pounds I lost. Yep, better pour more coffee and sit back down to keep talkin.
  • You post too much.
    • Response: I am so sorry that I refuse to change that for you. This one is almost too silly to address. Honey, that’s what the delete button is for. This critic type is one of my faves because it’s almost cute at the way they think they are doing me a favor by telling me this AND not deleting me. “You post too much Alicia, but I am not going to exercise my free will to delete you. Instead, I am just going to tell you that you post too much while secretly reading every post”….lame. PLUS, believe it or not, there are people like me! Hard to believe I know. But there are a tribe of us that run around over posting, over sharing and senselessly rambling. I have provided my favorite example for comparison…my dear friend Aaron Cooper. He can ramble and post with the best of em! :p
  • And, as I do every year, let me give you out loud permission to go away. I will probably not even notice and I can assure you it hurts not one feeling to be deleted. I am not for everyone. And that’s ok! IMG_9759

That should wrap us up for another little while!

My point is this….

I am real. I am imperfect. And honestly, I am none of your business. I have fought a battle for YEARS and finally won. You are always invited along my crazy journey because I am an open sharer by nature. But, you will never get close enough with any negativity to keep me down. 

Pipe down coyotes….I have a whole big world to conquer!!IMG_3634

 

Dear Guy Who Stood Me Up Tonight…..

To the guy who stood me up today:

😎

Thank you for doing that. No, really. I mean it. It’s been a rough week. I felt better enough to shower and curl my hair a little, line my lips and “smokey my eyes” for you. It was the first time this week that I felt good about my appearance.


I wondered if you would notice my new lipstick. I mean, you wouldn’t know it was new. But maybe you would just notice a brightness to them in general. I used a new perfume. It was the perfect mix of flowery and sweet. Don’t worry, I only sprayed once. I didn’t want to overwhelm you with loud smells. I imagined which topic of convo we would start with and imagined my smile and witty comebacks in the mirror (yes grown women do that). I even played my “hot date” playlist while I was getting ready to get me in a great mood….as I blew my nose and coughed 4 million times. You know what I was most excited about? That my shoes are too big. Crazy, I know. But apparently since I have lost weight and don’t stay as swollen as much, my shoes are too big. Who would have ever thought!!


Then you were a no show.


I take dating disappointment way better than I used to. I was probably more bummed that I put all that effort into getting ready just to have to wash the makeup back off. I was worried about us being a match on a few levels anyway. You could’ve been a little bit more courteous and actually given me a head’s up that you wouldn’t make it. But you definitely aren’t the first to do that to me. For about 4.2 seconds, I actually wondered what I did to make you lose interest before our first date.


Then I got a text from a friend who needed a visit and drinks. I almost changed out of my outfit and threw my hair in a ponytail to go meet her at the pub down the road. That’s when it hit me. I decided not do either of those things. I kept it all on and met her for a bit.


 And you know what? I realized that I have fallen way too far into not giving myself any effort unless it is a potential date or advancement of some relationship (business or personal). I worked really hard to get away from that once. I cannot believe I was headed back there again.


Don’t get me wrong. I love my jammies, ponytail and makeup free face a lot. A whole lot. But what I need to love and value more are those dear to me….and myself. And both of those things deserve good makeup, good perfume, great hair and good outfits WAY MORE than some first date does.


So, I walked into that pub like I meant it. I laughed and loved on my friend. She encouraged me without even knowing I needed it. Something that would’ve never happened if I would’ve been out trying to impress you. I think I was trying to fill a void with you after being sick and pouty and lonely this week. A void that I know damn well couldn’t be filled by you.


Thank you for standing me up. Through it, I am reminded being alone doesn’t mean that I can’t be “satisfied” through genuine time with dear friends. I am realizing how truly tired of dating I really am. I am starting to see that my time and heart would be better served with so many other things I have been wanting to do…and could spend time doing if I wasn’t trying to prove to the world that there is someone decent left and someone decent who will fall in love with me. I realize how tired I am of always being the one to initiate and progress the conversation and relationship. It gets awfully quiet when you wait on someone to text you first or finally ask you out and initiate real plans. I am reminded that I can put makeup on and curl my hair on a random weekday, in between nose blowing sessions, just because I want to. I was reminded of a path I promised to never take again and can now look at my map and explore another road.


If I ever do run across you again, I will gladly by you a drink to thank you for tonight.

Swift to Hate….

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In light of the Kesha/Taylor Swift current events (and no I don’t want your opinions or arguments)…..I got into heated conversation with someone today (in defense of Taylor). The person was very angry, lashing out about TSwifty and calling her names, etc.  But every time I tried to ask “what could she have done differently that would’ve satisfied you in this situation”, they couldn’t provide an answer.  They would throw out more anger, a few snarky tweets at me and such, but never could answer.  Many seem to be angry at Taylor, first because she was silent in chiming in on Kesha’s situation and secondly, when she responded by donating $250,000.00.  She can’t win for losing due to a lot of toddler-like “fit throwers” out there.

Facts:
  1.  Taylor Swift has no governing authority to make any legal decisions in the Kesha case.
  2.  TAYLOR SWIFT IS NOT OBLIGATED TO DO ANYTHING….nothing.  zero.  I know, you’re ready to light me on fire for that one, but it’s the truth.  She has no obligation to do a dang thing.
  3. Every time someone spends a tweet, post, blog, whatever hating on Taylor – that is one less chance to voice support or use the energy to move toward a change in a system that is clearly flawed and needs the attention.
  4. Regardless of what you think should be done for Kesha, the fact is that she isn’t recording……therefore, it is highly likely that her finances are being affected.  I’m quite certain that Taylor’s donation will go a lot further for her than your tweets griping about her.  Taylor helps (I would hope because she has a good heart, but probably also in response to the negative pressure, sadly) and is still criticized.
I have spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about the what seems to be out of control anger.  I remember when I was put in the same situation.  I was so flipping mad, said horrible/hurtful things to the person involved and basically was short of throwing myself on the ground, kicking and screaming.  What probably infuriated me more, was that the whole time I am throwing my “fit”, the other person just calmly sits there waiting on me to finish.  When I finally stopped, she replied with “Alicia, I have heard everything you have said.  Can you tell me one thing I could’ve done that would’ve made you less or not angry?”

Silence.  Silence so much that I could’ve almost choked on my own tongue.  I couldn’t give her one solid answer.  I couldn’t think of one single thing.  Out of quick desperation, I had a few thoughts cross my mind.  But as quickly as they came into my mind, I just as quickly realized how stupid they would’ve sounded coming out of my mouth.

What that wise (and thankfully very calm-spirited) woman made me realize was that I wasn’t even mad at her.  I was mad at the situation.  I was mad at a situation that wasn’t going to be fixed immediately, by her as one person….and it certainly wasn’t going to be fixed by me being mad and tearing down someone else.

I feel like the exact same question should be posed to a lot of “haters” out there these days (yes, I’m specifically referring to the hate towards Taylor Swift in regards to Kesha – but I also mean haters in general).  Our society is so quick to attack and even quicker to attack easy targets (I happen to be an easy target based on my big mouth – but not quite on the scale of Taylor 🙂 )

WHAT IF we all paused for a minute and thought through what really angers us about the situation?  THEN, what if we actually looked at ourselves and what we could do or change (either externally or within our own self) first before we went after others?

If you have an issue with someone and you can’t answer the question of what they could do differently (legit, tangible, quantifiable actions), then you need to think twice about launching your attack.  ALSO, if you CAN answer the question, you are best served by having the mindset of helpfulness, grace, mercy and patience, NOT judgement and snarky behavior.

Stop tearing others down.  Stop speaking from that which you do not know.  Be a vessel for positive movement towards change.  Otherwise, pipe the heck down and leave others alone!