Swift to Hate….

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In light of the Kesha/Taylor Swift current events (and no I don’t want your opinions or arguments)…..I got into heated conversation with someone today (in defense of Taylor). The person was very angry, lashing out about TSwifty and calling her names, etc.  But every time I tried to ask “what could she have done differently that would’ve satisfied you in this situation”, they couldn’t provide an answer.  They would throw out more anger, a few snarky tweets at me and such, but never could answer.  Many seem to be angry at Taylor, first because she was silent in chiming in on Kesha’s situation and secondly, when she responded by donating $250,000.00.  She can’t win for losing due to a lot of toddler-like “fit throwers” out there.

Facts:
  1.  Taylor Swift has no governing authority to make any legal decisions in the Kesha case.
  2.  TAYLOR SWIFT IS NOT OBLIGATED TO DO ANYTHING….nothing.  zero.  I know, you’re ready to light me on fire for that one, but it’s the truth.  She has no obligation to do a dang thing.
  3. Every time someone spends a tweet, post, blog, whatever hating on Taylor – that is one less chance to voice support or use the energy to move toward a change in a system that is clearly flawed and needs the attention.
  4. Regardless of what you think should be done for Kesha, the fact is that she isn’t recording……therefore, it is highly likely that her finances are being affected.  I’m quite certain that Taylor’s donation will go a lot further for her than your tweets griping about her.  Taylor helps (I would hope because she has a good heart, but probably also in response to the negative pressure, sadly) and is still criticized.
I have spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about the what seems to be out of control anger.  I remember when I was put in the same situation.  I was so flipping mad, said horrible/hurtful things to the person involved and basically was short of throwing myself on the ground, kicking and screaming.  What probably infuriated me more, was that the whole time I am throwing my “fit”, the other person just calmly sits there waiting on me to finish.  When I finally stopped, she replied with “Alicia, I have heard everything you have said.  Can you tell me one thing I could’ve done that would’ve made you less or not angry?”

Silence.  Silence so much that I could’ve almost choked on my own tongue.  I couldn’t give her one solid answer.  I couldn’t think of one single thing.  Out of quick desperation, I had a few thoughts cross my mind.  But as quickly as they came into my mind, I just as quickly realized how stupid they would’ve sounded coming out of my mouth.

What that wise (and thankfully very calm-spirited) woman made me realize was that I wasn’t even mad at her.  I was mad at the situation.  I was mad at a situation that wasn’t going to be fixed immediately, by her as one person….and it certainly wasn’t going to be fixed by me being mad and tearing down someone else.

I feel like the exact same question should be posed to a lot of “haters” out there these days (yes, I’m specifically referring to the hate towards Taylor Swift in regards to Kesha – but I also mean haters in general).  Our society is so quick to attack and even quicker to attack easy targets (I happen to be an easy target based on my big mouth – but not quite on the scale of Taylor 🙂 )

WHAT IF we all paused for a minute and thought through what really angers us about the situation?  THEN, what if we actually looked at ourselves and what we could do or change (either externally or within our own self) first before we went after others?

If you have an issue with someone and you can’t answer the question of what they could do differently (legit, tangible, quantifiable actions), then you need to think twice about launching your attack.  ALSO, if you CAN answer the question, you are best served by having the mindset of helpfulness, grace, mercy and patience, NOT judgement and snarky behavior.

Stop tearing others down.  Stop speaking from that which you do not know.  Be a vessel for positive movement towards change.  Otherwise, pipe the heck down and leave others alone!

  Fatty McFaterson Is No More

I have struggled lately cause I haven’t seen any big changes recently. But I knew it was my fault for not working as hard the last few weeks. I never care about being “thin”. I just want to be healthier. I truly mean that with everything in me. And being mentally healthy is just as important. Because I can tell you that in some of these before pictures, the ugliest thing about me was the inner struggle much more than the outer appearance issues. It feels SO GOOD to be working hard again and slowing down enough to make wiser choices for myself.


When you see yourself everyday, it’s hard to notice changes when they don’t seem to come in the form of 20 pounds dropping over night. I even noticed that I was falling back into old tricks of trying ridiculous angles on my outfit pics to try and look the smallest. I did not want to do that again. It is SO IMPORTANT to me and at my core to be authentic and real. It’s who I am. So the last thing I wanted to do was start deceiving with my pics. That alone was motivation to get my butt back in gear.
But, when I came home after work today to an apt of teenagers and one who hadn’t seen me in a while made more than one comment about how different I looked, I thought I would go through old pics and make comparisons. Man, am I glad I did. To you, it may not be THAT big of a difference. To me, it’s A WORLD of difference. What is crazier to me is that these comparisons are only from October to now!
 It’s almost a completely different face – less puffy, better complexion…and do you see that happy? Oh the hurt you don’t even know about that was dwelling within me in that top 3rd pic!!!!

 

 It’s a healing difference – even though it had been a couple of months out of a break up in the before pics, there was still SO MUCH anger and hurt. I still get a little angry about it. But the new faces….those are healing faces. Those are faces that are excited about life and that have owned where she is at….determined to be a better than ever face.


Still so far to go. But still so much difference already. I will always be under construction. It’s just so nice to have a different approach to the project lately. Peace, determination, forgiveness of myself (still working on the forgiving the ex part) and the expectation that the new greatness coming, isn’t going to happen overnight…..those are the beautiful descriptions of Alicia 2.37923 😝


I recently had the opportunity to take some really hard truths given to me from a friend and go 400 steps backwards…or finally do something different. The old Alicia would’ve taken the truths spoken and dwelled, cried, ate my emotions and over analyzed for who knows how many days. I would’ve talked to a hundred others trying to get confirmation that those things couldn’t possibly be true. I would’ve decided that I might as well give up on ever being different.

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Instead, I took it to the treadmill and opened a book I never finished about how successful women think differently. And it just so happened that my last bookmark from where I left off was on a segment about strengths and weaknesses. We should be aware of weaknesses within us, but we should concentrate and grow from our strengths…not from constantly trying fix a weakness. Well if that train wasn’t on time, I don’t know what was!!!
See, once again, not a big change to speak of for someone else to read…but a HUGE change for me. i would dare say that it is one of the things I am most proud of in a long time!!
So, THANK YOU for watching me change and being so willing to embrace it and for letting me be me…authentically…and now authentically smaller 🙂