Fancy Faux Parenting: Yoga For Beginners

Today’s faux mom adventures are going to highlight a recent attempt at yoga for my exchange student and I.  I’m not sure why I thought this might actually go smoothly. Nothing with me ever really does.  Add her into the mix, now that she is really relaxing and I am seeing her hysterical personality, and you have the makings of the blog before you. 🙂
My only regret in this experience was that I didn’t capture any pictures or video.  So, we will incorporate an Outfit Of The Day selection instead and kill two birds with one stone.  In actuality, getting into this skirt took a few yoga moves, so technically it fits the theme.
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Also, can we just all agree that the polka dots are fun?
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Back to yoga.  I love it.  I suck at it.  But, I love it.  If there is a level below beginner, that’s what I am.  I don’t even care, though.  I love how I feel even after one session.  It has been so good for my body and my mind lately.  I try to take a free class that is offered once per week.  In typical Alicia fashion, I fell off the wagon.  We are not going to spend time beating that up.  We are just all going to rejoice in the fact that I am trying to get back into it and how helpful it has already been.
Feeling like once a week wasn’t enough, I ventured out and bought a beginner DVD set from Walmart.  It says beginner.  It came with a block (that’s code for “you can’t bend that far, so use this”).  I’m in.  Sold.  Can’t wait to light a candle at home, turn down the lights and get this yoga party started.
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Monica (my exchange student) decided that we should break out the videos and give them a try to relax us for the evening.  I was excited to have a partner.  The following are our highlights.
  •  Break out the DVD player and hook it up.  I had previously played it through AirPlay on my Mac.  Time elapsed: 15 minutes – we couldn’t get it to work.  Who knows why.
  • Put Introduction to Yoga for Beginners back into Mac and load up AirPlay.  Make it through 7 minutes of DVD with a decent attempt at the moves.
  • Stop for 3 minutes to talk about how this doesn’t seem beginner-isn at all.
  • Try the next 3 moves in hopes that, over the last 10 minutes, you have caught on and the rest of the DVD will make you look like a real yogi.  Breathe louder as you do this and the kid will think you are legit.
  •  Take a break for the next move/sequence.  This dude is crazy if he thinks this is beginners.  Explain to the kid that it’s not that you need a break, it’s just hard to see exactly what he is doing so you are going to readjust ourself.
  • Do 1 more move.  Try not to fall.  Take a 5 minute break to teach your Spanish student how to say “Yoga” in American. 🙂
  • Vote to try one of the other DVDs.  Let’s try Hath and Flow for beginners.  It mentioned relieving stress, so I’m always in for that! Do not show fear to the kid.  Hit play with a confidence that lets her know “this is going to be fantastic”.
  • Attempt the move where you raise your leg straight back in the air behind you, then bring your knee to your nose.  All while you’re on your hands and knees/legs.  Think to yourself “clearly this dude has never tried this with DDs and a flabby stomach in his way.  The knee is NOT making it to this nose.  Not today.”, but refrain from saying it out loud in front of your kid.
  • Make a mental note to ask your yoga instructor during the next class exactly how many times she is willing to see you in person in a week versus you having to go through another failed DVD session.  Make a second mental note to put the DVD set online to sell.  Wait a day, if nobody buys it, give it away.
  •  Look up just to check on your kid, only to see her stick her leg up, try to lean forward into somewhat of a pushup pose, and fall flat on her face.
  • Laugh hysterically for ten minutes.  Embrace your core during laughing to get an extra ab or two.  Because that ten minutes of laughter was more than any of the DVDs have done for you thus far.
  •  Carry your book to bed and stretch out while reading.
The End.

2 thoughts on “Fancy Faux Parenting: Yoga For Beginners

  1. Wow, love your look, you look amazing! I also tried a black top with polka dots the other day, and it didn’t turn out nearly as well. Will definitely take some inspiration from these pictures.

    Like

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