Dungeons and Douchebags: is it because you’re fat?

Sometimes I lose my passion. Ok, not lose it necessarily, but it seems to get buried in the mundane routine of life. Then, someone comes along and ignites it. Sometimes they ignite it in unpleasant ways.

As I was leaving a meeting today, I received a notification that I had a new message on my dating app. I will admit that a giddiness comes over me when I see these notifications. The excitement isn’t even about “could this be the one” sending the message. It is more like “oh, this oughta be good. Can’t wait to see how this turns out. I need new material”. You see, online dating has merely become a source of examples as to why I am ok being single.

ANYWAY! I digress. So Da_GreatWhyte_Hype messages me today. His picture is a gorilla so my hope in seeing his name and pic in my inbox is that this guys is hilarious and that we will hit it off from a humor perspective. As usual, I was expecting too much.

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My headline on my dating profile says “Allergic to shirtless and gym selfies”. His message said “Are you allergic because you are fat”.

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Within seconds I felt a heat inside of me. Not a hot flash heat. A boiling in my stomach that spread like wildfire. I immediately started calling on Jesus to calm my nerves and save this boy from my response. But then I just assumed Jesus probably had bigger fish to fry and I would handle this guy for him. 🙂 THEN I realized how this guy doesn’t deserve my correspondence. Ok, I only realized this part after replying with “Wow, you definitely don’t disappoint in being a prick” (since he referenced himself as such in his profile). And finally, I realize that this is opportunity to address the masses just in case there is one person out there who is interested in understanding a few things (which is also simply me venting to the masses in an effort of exercising writing therapy and refraining from getting into further argument with this douchelord).

In his defense…he is a self-proclaimed prick

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I have written before about how interesting I find it that when people have no other argument or defense with some, they automatically turn it into something completely stupid. For example when people say “oh are you all pissy because you need to take your hormone pill?”. Nope, I’m pissy because you’re a jerk. Let me explain to you (you tiny little jerk hiding behind a pic of gorilla) why I don’t care for shirtless or gym selfies.

1. Shirtless selfies: I am SO SICK of seeing guys without their shirts. I know. It feels just as weird for me to type it as it does for you to read it (especially coming from me in general – lover of men). But here is the deal dudes. If a girl reveals too much in the way she dresses, we are not leaving anything to mystery. We hear how there is nothing left to the imagination if we show off too much. It’s also pointed out that if we will share our skin with the world in the form of revealing dress and such, that what is so special about what we have for one person. If you, as a guy (or girl for that matter) are willing to put a shirtless pic of yourself online for any stranger to come across, what are you saving for me should we enter a relationship. What makes me special at this point? Every girl online has seen your chest. You’re essentially a used piece of tape to me at this point and I have no desire to use you to hold anything together 🙂 (pardon the cheesy analogy)

2. Gym Selfies: Great! You take care of yourself! You work hard for that rocking body that you have also shown off in your little to no clothes shot. You can clearly out lift, out run, and out last me athletically based on your pic of you sweating it out in a gym alone. I guess I don’t see what you flexing in a mirror selfie at the gym is supposed to show me about you other than you love your muscles. I am sure people could argue this with me all day long and it scares me at the responses that could come flooding in defending those types of pics. But for me personally, I am just most likely going to perceive you as someone a little more stuck on themselves than I prefer. I would much rather see a pic that shows your personality and charming smile.

3. Do you know what kind of courage it takes to put yourself out there on an online dating site? There are countless people looking and probably judging you. It’s fine. And it’s even more fine if someone skips over me. Think what you want about me……to yourself. We do not know each other. We are not homies. You can look at my profile and think “nope. Big girl. Not for me”. That won’t bother me a bit. But approaching me like you did. That is just beyond rude and shows what a man of little character you are.

I am actually thankful this jerk messaged me today. Because the old Alicia would’ve called friends crying about it being true. I would’ve cried that this is why I’m alone. I would’ve cried that I’m ugly. Instead, I chose to pause. I paused then looked at myself in the mirror and made myself say something nice. I do need to lose weight. That is not a lie. That is a truth I see every time I step out of the shower. It is not however my definition. It is not the reason I do or do not And I think I had forgotten that in not liking myself a lot these days.

I am not proclaiming allergies to those types of pics because I am fat sir. I am proclaiming them out of tiredness in seeing them. I am proclaiming it in an effort to ward off messages from those that I already know probably won’t be a match. And after your message today, I clearly need to update those parameters

P.S. he added his pic. But i still think the gorilla is a better choice

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