The Suckihood of Lonely

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It doesn’t happen as often anymore (thank the Lord) but sometimes being alone gets to me. And for the longest time, I linked “lonely” to being single……as in if I had a significant other, then I wouldn’t be lonely anymore.  Again, so thankful that is not the viewpoint I have anymore.  Let me be very clear in conveying that I am ok.  I am ok with a little lonely.  I am ok with being by myself.  I will not be ordering a husband on the internet to fill the lonely gap I am experiencing tonight!

So, as I sit here feeling lonely, with my new viewpoints on it, typing this little blog while alone and enjoying ice cream, I thought I would share a few thoughts in hopes of although I am physically alone, there will be someone out there who “feels me”.

What sucks about lonely

  • I’m a social person by nature.  Sure I love my alone time and need it to refocus and regroup often.  Everyone is built for relationship (whether you want to admit it or not) and I think I got an extra dose of it!
  • I’m a planner.  I like to know what’s going on and my calendar for the most part on any given week stays pretty full.  It’s the unexpected gaps in the calendar that usually land me in lonely town and my planner mind sometimes doesn’t deal with that well.  I need to get better at spur of the moment 🙂
  • I am awesome!  How does that make lonely suck you ask?  Well, because it means if I’m sitting here alone, somebody is missing out on me! 🙂
  • It feels like time slows down.  It never fails that when you try to approach a situation with the “this will pass” attitude….it seems to take FOREVER to pass.  Am I right?
  • It is too tempting in times of lonely to go into negative-ville.  I have to work really hard not to allow myself to start attacking myself.

What I do about lonely

  • Immediately have a talk with myself.  I have to remind myself that this is temporary.  This is not bad.  Someday (hopefully) someone will sweep me off my feet and spend so much time with me that I will probably be begging for alone time. I let myself know that in no form or fashion will I use this time for a pity party or to treat myself badly.  And I will not dwell on not having someone or start comparing myself to others who seem to have it all.
  • Write a note.  Too often I let my busy life get in the way of truly being a good friend that stays in touch with others.  It’s a selfish part of me that I am more than aware needs work.  Tonight I wrote short notes to 5 people and my mood was instantly lifted.
  • Read all the articles I have “opened in Safari”.  When I’m scrolling in my news feed and see something I think I want to read, I always redirect it to the browser.  When I”m “bored” or something, I will go through all my open pages and catch up on the articles.
  • Craft.  I really don’t feel like this one needs any further explanation.  🙂  I love a good craft session.  Tonight I opted out of getting all my supplies out and getting started since it’s a proven fact that every craft project turns into an ordeal.
  • Clean out a closet.  In an effort to live more simply this year, I have tried to go through closets.  However, much like crafting, once I get started it can last for hours.  So I also opted out of this option.
  • Exercise.  Ok, this is laughable.  I don’t willingly exercise.  I have to be dragged kicking and screaming.  But, it’s still a good alternative for the rest of you out there 🙂
  • Pray.  I should have listed this first really.  I won’t shove it down your throat.  It is near and dear to my heart and brings immediate calm to me.  I have stopped asking God to make the lonely pass quickly and started asking what He wants me to get out of it and trust that it will not linger.

What not to do no matter how lonely you are

  • Go online looking for a date.  Although I am no longer on the online dating scene, I can remember too many times in the past (the way past thankfully) that I would get online and browse profiles and reach out to people who normally would never be a fit for me.  I was looking to feel a void.  Sadly, it only creates a vicious cycle that usually ended with another crazy dating story.
  • Eat ice cream.  Trust me on this one.  Much like going on a bad date as a result of a lonely time, you will regret the ice cream later too.  I mean, I am not to the regret point yet (my ice cream was really good!) but I’m sure it’s coming!
  • Beat yourself up.  Don’t do it.  Remember, we are all about being kind to us.  There is no room for the devil in this lonely time.  Don’t even open the door for him.
  • Do not get discouraged when you try to fill the lonely and friends don’t answer.  Tonight I invited 5 friends for a drink when I realized I was headed home earlier than expected with nothing to do.  It was very last minute and none of them could make it.  The old Alicia would’ve taken that personally and headed down the “poor me” road.  Not today.  Just further proof that I really was supposed to be alone tonight and deal with it head on.
  • Nothing.  The worst thing you can do is nothing.  Do not just sit there.  Do not do nothing.

Ultimately I firmly believe that lonely moments are meant for us to learn or discover something about ourselves.  So do not do yourself a disservice by trying to force the moment out without getting something for yourself! 🙂

Lonely is not forever.  Being alone is not always bad.

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