I have been struggling so much with self image lately. I want to be healthier (I WILL be healthier). I want to feel better. I have friends who are hardcore “workouters” 🙂 and I hate feeling not pretty enough around them. I hate being the perfect match for someone BUUUTTTT….them just not being able to date me because of my weight.
I am not ugly (or at least my selfies don’t make me feel like I am 🙂 !). I make myself take a pic (despite what the articles say about that meaning that you have a mental illness) and then look at the pic and be nice to myself. I literally do this probably three times a week. And if you have never struggled with loving yourself, you probably have no idea what I am talking about. If you have ever struggled with it though, you know EXACTLY how hard it is to look at a picture of yourself and not tear it apart. It seems foreign to snap a pic and think “I really like my makeup today” or “This top looks good with my skin tones. And how bout that hair today! Good job”. On top of it being weird to do, it’s not really accepted by society. In this case, society can suck it though! 🙂
I know that I am not ugly because I believe I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I am loved more than any human could ever come close to. I KNOW THIS. I retreat to this daily. Yet, i destroy myself daily with decisions I make (food, people I allow in my life, the list goes on). It is more than overwhelming trying to get on track and know which direction to go with all the programs, naughty bodies, etc out there.
Last night in my “reflect on where you’re at time” (which usually involves lots of music, praying and reading), I came across this blog and wanted to scream “she gets it! This is what i know!!” I’m not sure Claire realized when she wrote this blog that it would fall into the screen of a woman who was desperately searching for encouragement and “relatable” reads. But I am so glad that it happened that way!
I dont want to be skinnier for a man. I dont care about that anymore. I want to be healthy to be able to fully carry out my purpose. I want to take care of my body that I was given and be able to live out the acknowledgement that my body is indeed a temple I was trusted to take care of. In all aspects. Every single struggle I am facing right now (dating decisions, fitness, financial, etc) all boils down to lack of discipline and obedience. And the outside noise and influence I have let effect that even more has to change. Immediately.
Thats a whole lotta rambling and thinking out loud just to tell you I loved this blog Boobs Happen, or…When My Workout Shrinks My Soul. And to let you know that it is more than ok if your “temple” doesn’t look like the cover of a fitness magazine. Its perfectly fine if you eat in front of your crossfit junkie friends. And its ok to hug people even if they only feel fluff when they wrap their arms around you.
Today is the day I start surrounding myself with same minded people who simply put working for the kingdom first. Who only uplift and encourage. Who refuse to see anything but potential and greatness in me.
Today also happens to be my first workout with a new group that in one day of consultation have given me more support and encouragement than all the things i have done in the past put together. I am thrilled that they dont see it as a job and that they sell it as their mission.