Ripped Jeans

I didn’t realize just how many random thoughts I document per day (mostly on Facebook and Twitter) until I declared a Facebook absence for June. Just as an experiment, I have jotted down my thoughts in my phone notebook over the last couple of days. When I had the urge to post, I opened the notebook instead.

I cannot be the only person on planet Earth who has such randomness right? So, for lack of a better blog post (because I am simply beyond exhausted working the Walmart Shareholders/Associate Expo this week), I share with you pointless and random “faux” posts.

1. Nothing is more devastating in the matter of clothing than when your all time favorite pair of jeans gets a hole (in the inner thigh). Wait, what is more devastating is when your mom patches said jeans only for you to climb on top of a table to work on a tent and rip them beyond repair. RIP favorite jeans ever. I know throwing you in the Walmart trash can wasn’t the most respectable way to go and for that I’m sorry. Do you know how hard it is to find “that” pair of jeans that fits so right and brings you so much joy that you don’t even think twice about your mom putting an off colored patch on them when they need repair?

2. Arkansas may not get rain any other time of the year but you can always be guaranteed that during the week of Walmart Shareholders, while you are trying to set up a booth, at a fairground, that it will come a small monsoon (or also during the Yell County Fair). You can then get excited about the humidity that follows in your 10 hour outdoor workdays. Some people have muffin top….I have cankle top (where I am so swollen my ankles hang over my socks).

3. When taking your BRAND NEW CAR that has been hit to the collision center, do not make eye contact with the sweet lady receptionist. You will be trapped forever. Surely it is because she works with all men who seem to only talk about cars but either way, unless you have nothing but time, do not engage. ESPECIALLY if she starts the conversation about sewing which you know absolutely nothing about.

4. Should you agree to sign up for a 30 day ab challenge that gradually increases in intensity daily, it might be a good idea to consult your abs prior to starting the program. Trust me when I tell you that if you don’t they will rebel against you and make even the slightest task (like getting out of bed) make you feel like Satan himself is living inside of you. It is also probably wise not to dive feet first into a program such as this when you are spending 10+ hours on your feet at an event, in the heat, with cankle top. 😉

5. If I ever pose the question “why am I still single” to you. Politely remind me it is probably because no man can handle the retainer, eye cream, hair mask, granny gown, and chillow that I bring out nightly. Too much sexy can be hard on a man. I get it.

Here’s hoping for the week to pass quickly, for a miracle product to be invented for cankle top and bitchy fat girls in the heat, and for the man of my dreams to show up at this event and find the mixture of sweat and my perfume irresistible. 😉

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