Staring at Myself

Let me start by saying that through this journey (that i am so glad you’re joining me on)….there is one thing that will ALWAYS be the case. I will be me and I will be honest. Plain and simple. I am putting the good and the struggle out there as transparent as I can. For you. For you to relate to, for you to think about and for you to decide that you will start a revolution for you!

I realize sometimes that is going to be uncomfortable for all of us. But, it’s who I am and what I want for this project.

With that said, it’s time to be transparent. :-) i will spare you the saga, but there has been a person in my life that doesn’t deserve one more single second or ounce of me. This person has been nothing but a presence of manipulation, evil, and harm since June of 2012. I have decided to write about them as little as possible because they don’t even deserve that kind of attention. But…from time to time, as much as i HATE to admit it and even though its been a while since I have physically been around them , I still struggle with the damage that they did to my life. And just when I am finally trucking along getting better, they pop back up. Convincing people on the surface that they are changed (people I trusted and thought would never pick them over me)…..all while being the dark/evil person to me. Still trying to have control.

Although I am working through that and know that someday it will be a powerful story to share in my healing….I still have a broken heart that is being mended back together and have to accept that takes time. I am tough. I am loved. I will not go backwards. I deserve better. We all do.

Well, this week I am fed up. This person gets no more attention and my mind and body get no more abuse from them (mentally or otherwise).

With all that said, here is my transparency for today. Surely I am not alone :-) and would LOVE to connect with those put there who know what I am talking about. Can we do that?

Today has been a struggle with myself after someone referred to me as a “effing sorry fat butt” (censored)…..it happened two days ago and is still in my head :-( the nightmares have cost me much too much sleep and that makes me beyond cranky.
So how am i combating? Forcing myself to look at this picture (it isn’t my fav) and find something i like about myself…
I like my eyes. I like my glasses. I am genuine and nobody gets to take that from me.
You have to fight with all you have to rebuke the meanies :-) this person doesn’t get power over me. Period. Fearfully & wonderfully made.

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