- The jacket is sheer. The tag even says “M”, as in medium, which I appreciate (even though I accept that I’m not)
- The skirt, well, it’s just heaven. It fits like a glove. It’s comfortable. And I NEVER thought I would love a slit in my skirt, BUT I DO.
- I added my own jewelry, cami and heels and VOILA, you see the awesome result.
- Bonus: my nails just happen to be glittery too!
Have you ever wondered if you can you love a bigger girl, guys? The answer is yes. Today, on top of a great Shopping In My Closet outfit, I bring you a little Q&A that might help bring a little clarity. Hope this helps! Be sure that you share this with friends. You too big girls. The world needs awareness and answers to these important questions 😝
1. Will loving a big girl kill me?
Answer: No. You won’t die. However it should be noted that a girl of any size could make you wish you were dead if you cross her.
2. Should I hide my food when I first date a bigger girl?
Answer: No. We do not want your food. We are perfectly capable of getting our own. You should, however, hide your food if you are a grown man that lives off of Cosmic Brownies in a box and Mountain Dew.
3. Should I tell my big girl that she is big? Even if it is out of love?
Answer: No. Do not insult her intelligence. Unless she is blind, doesn’t have a mirror, or has never passed by a window, this subject should never be addressed by you. You think she doesn’t know she is big. What would be big would be the size of the mistake you make by thinking you are holy enough to bring this to her attention. Refer to number one’s ending statement.
4. Will a big girl crush me while we are making love?
Answer: Well, first let me ask you some questions. Do you weigh less than 50 pounds? Are you Channing Tatum? I think you need to worry less about her crushing you and more about how you can make her wish she never had to leave the bedroom.
5. Will a big girl increase my grocery bill if we become serious enough to grocery shop together?
Answer: Yes. Because most likely she will require you to purchase more than those Cosmic Brownies and Mountain Dew.
Answer: Well, then don’t screw it up.
7. Will washing my big girl’s clothes require more laundry detergent?
Answer: Nope. Not anymore than your crap-stained underwear might.
8. What if my friends make fun of me for dating a big girl?
Answer: Two things: first, make 100% certain that you are equivalent to Channing Tatum so that your judging the hotness of the girl you are dating is completely justified. Next, break up with your girl immediately. Because surrounding yourself with friends like that CLEARLY indicates that you do not deserve the love of a big girl to begin with. Lastly, gather yourself and your friends and find the nearest cliff and have a jumping off of it party.
9. How can I get my big girl to lose a few pounds for me? I really like her, but she would be even prettier if she could just drop a few pounds. You know, for her health.
Answer: you can’t. What you can do is take your tiny little brain and find a mirror. Stand in front of the mirror and repeat after me…”It’s not about me. It’s not my journey. I should work on not being the biggest tool on the planet.”
10. Are all big girls as funny and cool as you, Alicia? Do they look as good shopping out of their closet and sporting this cool faux leather jacket as you?
Answer: sadly, no. Probably not. I’m kidding. There are tons of us out there!! The coolness over floweth!!
Hooray for a new week! Some of my favorite outfits are up on deck this week to show you from shopping in my closet as well as some of my favorite stories and life lessons to go with them! You’re going to see lots of repeats this week. That was what made putting these together so fun, that I had so many pieces that worked with so many different things!!!
In the theme of repeats, I figured we might as well talk about repeat boys. Before your mind starts wondering to places it shouldn’t in reference to repeats (especially you people from my home town that know what a stupid teenager I was), let me clarify. I mean those repeat offenders that you keep letting back into your life when they have proven so often that they don’t deserve to be there. You know, the ones that you just can’t seem to cut ties with? Maybe you’re not always the one bringing them back in, but when they show up, you don’t object. If repeat offenders were one of those punch cards that when you fill up you get free food, I would have been able to feed my whole family last week! Was there an old flame haunting convention in town and I missed it?
I am going to try really hard to make this short and sweet when every typing bone in my body could get started and not stop until at least a few chapters were written on just this subject. In my complete education from the School of Hard Knocks and extreme lack of education in the area of psychology and other “guru doctorness”……here are my reasons/revelations as to why the only repeats I want in my life moving forward are good outfits, good movies and good songs on loop! Although the following is more of a “me preaching to me” session, I am guessing there is someone else that needs to read it too!
- You only have one heart. It’s so fragile. And every time you choose to use it to invest love into someone, you give a little piece of it away (or in my case a big piece). Whether you want to admit it or not, you literally carve out a piece of it for the person you are choosing to love. With an organ so very fragile, shouldn’t we take extra care of it and be careful how we give it away? Because, even though we can glue it back together, or give it some kind of repair when it breaks, it will still never be the same. Rarely does the person who took that piece you gave them, ever give it back in the same condition it was given in. If they didn’t handle it correctly the first time, why would we allow them to have another piece. What happens when you have given so many pieces of your heart away that you have nothing left when the right person does come along?
- You are giving them permission to not change. So, you broke the ties once (or maybe they broke them for you). You finally begin to heal and realize that you are moving on in a better direction and that there is new opportunity for you to grow from it (or at least I hope that is the case for you). Now, for whatever reason, they come knocking on the door of your heart again. Maybe you invited them back out of loneliness. Maybe they are coming back out of their own loneliness. Either way, they’re back and your choice on whether you let them back in or not sends a louder message than you know. Of course there are the situations where one actually does change and things actually can be repaired. Often, those are more the exception than the rule. Remember, the ties were broken for a reason. And more often than not, you allowing repeat back in sends the message of “You don’t really have to change, I’ll let you back in and my guard will eventually fall enough for you to start the old habits of mistreating me again.” Be careful of the message it sends to your own heart as well. You could very well be letting it know “hey heart, I know you were working really hard to repair and move on, but we are gonna go backwards for a bit.” I am not proud to admit that some have gotten not just one repeat trip, but a few.
- You are delaying your real prize! When you combine one and two above, you get delay. See, whether you see it or believe it now or not, there is that one purpose that ONLY YOU are supposed to be. It wasn’t made for anyone else, so nobody else can receive it. Same goes for that “one person for you”, if you will. It’s perfectly ok that you take a rugged path to get there or that you take your time. It’s even fine to have the hiccups of going through a few wrong people. BUT, if you don’t move from them and you allow them back, you are only delaying the greatest happening of your life. You just are. Man, that hurts to type and swallow for me right now! I will tell you that finally truly believing that I deserve what is supposed to be for me and believing that there really is something THAT GREAT coming, has made it much easier for me lately to “cut the cord” a lot quicker with repeat bad things in my life (whether it be relationships of any kind, food, unhealthy thoughts, etc). I want to get to the good that I know is there waiting and I do not want any more delays that I bring upon myself! Make sense?
- You are risking an avalanche. When you allow the repeats and give just that tiny opening for the brokenness to come back in, it is almost inevitable that it will affect other things in your life as well. In my situation, it just opens the flood gates for negativity and it usually starts with me attacking myself. It’s not secret that I am already battling that daily as it is. It took more restraint than you know not to make this post about all the horrible things I see in these pictures (huge legs, puffy wrists, seven chins, etc). But, if I take a stand against not allowing repeat “bad heart treaters” in my life, then that includes repeat self-hate.
As usual, I rattled way more than I intended to! I hope that you get what I am saying and that you truly understand how precious you and that big ol’ heart of yours are! Let’s end the repeat boys right there and get over to some good repeats, like this outfit! :) This chami was purchased for less than a Sonic drink and goes with SO MANY things in my closet! First up, is how it looks with this cardigan. Don’t you just love a long cardigan? I will have to have the same talk with myself as I do every year. I will stand in the mirror and say “Alicia, you cannot wear a cardigan every single day this fall/winter. You have to give the other great pieces in your closet some love too!”.
Before you go, can we also just please take a minute to drool over these FABULOUS shoes and that great hat? My exchange student insisted that I bring the hat into the wardrobe family and I am so glad she did!! These shoes. Well, these shoes are filling a hole that no man could fill anyway right now! :p
Ankles. Can we talk about em for a sec?
- This outfit is awesome. Possibly my new favorite outfit.
- I do have large legs. They hold me up.
- I do have large ankles. They also keep me upright (most of the time)
- I look great in this outfit
- I need big limbs to carry around big awesomeness
- So what that I tucked my shirt in. People do it all the time. You can too, Alicia!
Sometimes I lose my passion. Ok, not lose it necessarily, but it seems to get buried in the mundane routine of life. Then, someone comes along and ignites it. Sometimes they ignite it in unpleasant ways.
As I was leaving a meeting today, I received a notification that I had a new message on my dating app. I will admit that a giddiness comes over me when I see these notifications. The excitement isn’t even about “could this be the one” sending the message. It is more like “oh, this oughta be good. Can’t wait to see how this turns out. I need new material”. You see, online dating has merely become a source of examples as to why I am ok being single.
ANYWAY! I digress. So Da_GreatWhyte_Hype messages me today. His picture is a gorilla so my hope in seeing his name and pic in my inbox is that this guys is hilarious and that we will hit it off from a humor perspective. As usual, I was expecting too much.
My headline on my dating profile says “Allergic to shirtless and gym selfies”. His message said “Are you allergic because you are fat”.
Within seconds I felt a heat inside of me. Not a hot flash heat. A boiling in my stomach that spread like wildfire. I immediately started calling on Jesus to calm my nerves and save this boy from my response. But then I just assumed Jesus probably had bigger fish to fry and I would handle this guy for him. :) THEN I realized how this guy doesn’t deserve my correspondence. Ok, I only realized this part after replying with “Wow, you definitely don’t disappoint in being a prick” (since he referenced himself as such in his profile). And finally, I realize that this is opportunity to address the masses just in case there is one person out there who is interested in understanding a few things (which is also simply me venting to the masses in an effort of exercising writing therapy and refraining from getting into further argument with this douchelord).
In his defense…he is a self-proclaimed prick
I have written before about how interesting I find it that when people have no other argument or defense with some, they automatically turn it into something completely stupid. For example when people say “oh are you all pissy because you need to take your hormone pill?”. Nope, I’m pissy because you’re a jerk. Let me explain to you (you tiny little jerk hiding behind a pic of gorilla) why I don’t care for shirtless or gym selfies.
1. Shirtless selfies: I am SO SICK of seeing guys without their shirts. I know. It feels just as weird for me to type it as it does for you to read it (especially coming from me in general – lover of men). But here is the deal dudes. If a girl reveals too much in the way she dresses, we are not leaving anything to mystery. We hear how there is nothing left to the imagination if we show off too much. It’s also pointed out that if we will share our skin with the world in the form of revealing dress and such, that what is so special about what we have for one person. If you, as a guy (or girl for that matter) are willing to put a shirtless pic of yourself online for any stranger to come across, what are you saving for me should we enter a relationship. What makes me special at this point? Every girl online has seen your chest. You’re essentially a used piece of tape to me at this point and I have no desire to use you to hold anything together :) (pardon the cheesy analogy)
2. Gym Selfies: Great! You take care of yourself! You work hard for that rocking body that you have also shown off in your little to no clothes shot. You can clearly out lift, out run, and out last me athletically based on your pic of you sweating it out in a gym alone. I guess I don’t see what you flexing in a mirror selfie at the gym is supposed to show me about you other than you love your muscles. I am sure people could argue this with me all day long and it scares me at the responses that could come flooding in defending those types of pics. But for me personally, I am just most likely going to perceive you as someone a little more stuck on themselves than I prefer. I would much rather see a pic that shows your personality and charming smile.
3. Do you know what kind of courage it takes to put yourself out there on an online dating site? There are countless people looking and probably judging you. It’s fine. And it’s even more fine if someone skips over me. Think what you want about me……to yourself. We do not know each other. We are not homies. You can look at my profile and think “nope. Big girl. Not for me”. That won’t bother me a bit. But approaching me like you did. That is just beyond rude and shows what a man of little character you are.
I am actually thankful this jerk messaged me today. Because the old Alicia would’ve called friends crying about it being true. I would’ve cried that this is why I’m alone. I would’ve cried that I’m ugly. Instead, I chose to pause. I paused then looked at myself in the mirror and made myself say something nice. I do need to lose weight. That is not a lie. That is a truth I see every time I step out of the shower. It is not however my definition. It is not the reason I do or do not And I think I had forgotten that in not liking myself a lot these days.
I am not proclaiming allergies to those types of pics because I am fat sir. I am proclaiming them out of tiredness in seeing them. I am proclaiming it in an effort to ward off messages from those that I already know probably won’t be a match. And after your message today, I clearly need to update those parameters
P.S. he added his pic. But i still think the gorilla is a better choice
Although I have taken myself off “online dating” sites, it doesn’t relieve me of interactions with past “dudes” I have had encounters with. I am happy to say that currently, I am “taking it slow” with someone in hopes of it possibly working out to “happily ever after” but figure that it shouldn’t stop my D&D stories. It actually makes me appreciate the “just taking it slow” process quite a bit more. Usually at the end of typing out a beautiful story for you to read, I end up thinking “man, I’m thankful that I am not dealing with any of the currently”.
I would never have written about Steve (I honestly can’t even remember if that’s his name). He wasn’t anything too exciting in the way of lame material to blog about. Nice guy. No real red flags or weird issues. And honestly we both had pretty much admitted that there was no dating interest there, but enjoyed having a few drinks after work from time to time. We usually ended up comparing stories about online dating interactions. I would almost feel worse after his stories because I would see the crazy women he would get messages from and think “ok, I know I am way more normal than this and yet, I’m not having any luck on here”. I am proud to say I never contemplated mimicking any of the pics he showed me of women such as the lady laid out across her bed in fuzzy Hello Kitty pajama pants and a tank top making a kiss face. But it doesn’t mean I didn’t wonder what the heck was going on.
Steve and I lost touch. I hope it wasn’t because of the girl I saw him out with one night in the 80’s shirt and feather bangs. But, I guess if she swept him off his feet, then congrats to him. I was irritated that we lost touch at first because I wasn’t even trying to date him. I was simply a nice person being nice to someone who had just moved here. We were not exchanging jokes via text anymore. I was being ignored for whatever reason and I was not happy about it. That’s just rude. But, I also know you can’t chase. And I wouldn’t want to whip out my crazy chasing card on someone I knew I would never date anyway :)
HOWEVER, it does not matter what status you were with a guy, there are certain moments that just don’t help your cause and create small mortifications in a woman’s life.
One of those moments is when you have tried to be “Miss Cool”, you quit talking to/seeing someone and then they catch you at a stop light with your windows down, music up, making sweet sweet love to a Krispy Kreme donut. Especially when you’re already a “thick” girl. There I was, treating myself to a donut (just one I swear). One of my favorite songs was on the radio. The sunroof was open. The windows were down. I was eating that donut like I just got out of prison. And I hear someone say “hey you”. I look over, sugar frosting all over my mouth, to see Steve. Greeeeaaaattttttttttt.
Wait! What the heck do I care? I don’t owe Steve anything. I don’t have to explain myself to him (or anybody). I am proud to be eating a donut dang it!
And then he says “hey girl, what you been up to?? Do you still workout at that one gym you were going to? What was the name of it?”. Really? Do you think you’re cute Steve (a 38 year old man with a jacked up mister truck that you need a step stool to get into)? Well, you’re not. And, that beard doesn’t look right on you either. I just wave and say “hey!” and quickly take off as soon as the light turns green. I get a text from him later that says “we should catch up sometime, it’s been a while. Maybe we could go for a walk”.
No. We should not catch up. You have ignored me for months. And no, I don’t wanna go on a walk with you. Why are you stalking me about exercise Steve? I want to eat a donut. And maybe another one after that.
Ok, so maybe Steve was just trying to have conversation. And of course I know he really isn’t too much of a dbag (even though the ignoring definitely didn’t help his cause). I mean I’ve dealt with worse. And maybe I know that the real issue here is my insecurity about being big and eating a donut and knowing I could make better eating choices. :)
But, knowing all of that, I also still know and am convicted in my belief that you should be who you are. And in the dating world (especially in the cruel dating world), you do not dare let some person you barely met online make you feel any less than amazing! The right guy will eat a donut with you. And if he wants you to be healthier and go for a walk, he will be smart about his approach and craft something like “hey babe, wanna go shopping at the mall” and get you to walk that way :)
- Jacob messages me on the site and says “you are super sexy”. I reply how nice that was to hear. We continue to message back and forth and later exchange numbers. I am always leary of super hot guys on these sites. For one, I am not a “hot guy” attractor. I’m just not. I usually do better with the nerds and I am more than ok with that. It’s not secret that I am not a super model in the least, so when an unusually attractive man reaches out, I am always suspicious. (again, an issue I’ll save for my therapist)
- We start texting. Jacob is a little bit more flirty than I am comfortable with so soon but I also realize that I have been quite the prude lately and figure it won’t hurt to try to be more open to compliments and flirting. Plus, he sent me a pic of himself through text and I’m not gonna lie….I was a sucker. He is a beautiful human.
- Because I am a typical girl (and do not even try to act like this is crazy – just because I am about to admit to it doesn’t make me crazy – honey every girl does her own research whether she admits it or not) I do a little Facebook research. I type in Jacob’s number in the search bar of Facebook and BAM, there he is. Jacob G. I pull up his Facebook profile to see that his profile picture was updated on 5/24. It’s a sweet pic of him and his little girl sitting on a 4-wheeler……….and on his hand is a wedding ring. Nice. Then, if you scroll further, you see another profile pic was posted on 5/23 of him with a beautiful woman (much prettier than I am for sure!). Sweet. IF, I am going to be open minded and give him the benefit of the doubt, that was three weeks ago so maybe he is NEWLY single.
- I text Jacob and say “so, do you have Facebook”. He replies “no”. Oh, interesting because I just found you on there. He explains it as his ex has his login info and must be posting it for him. He says he has it all cleared up now and do I see his profile anymore. Nope, sure don’t. Glad you got that fixed buddy.
- We talk on the phone briefly after work and he has to let me go to change his daughter’s diaper. He says he will call me back shortly. I text him and ask if we can talk later since I am cooking dinner and such. He says “yeah, text first though”…..hmmm, why’s that?
- We continue to text some and I try to call him later to which he explains he can’t talk because his daughter fell asleep on his chest. Oh. Ok.
- This morning bright and early he is texting me being all charming and such. But I just don’t trust him. So when I’m having coffee with a coworker and telling her about this situation, she pulls up her Facebook app on her phone and searches for him. Well, would you looky here…….there is hot Jacob’s profile. Sooooo, you basically just used my trick of putting in my phone number, finding my Facebook profile and blocking me. Genius. Except that I’m not dumb. I choose to “address” everything in reply to his “sad face” text when he asks if I am daydreaming about him and I say “no” :) . I then send him this book of a text to which I have received no reply (and probably never will). I’m not even sure why I was even the least bit nice, but I felt like I was compared to what I was thinking. :)
I am beyond mad. Not for myself. I have thick skin. Be a douchebag to me, that’s fine, I’ll just blog about it. But how many women is he hitting on and flirting with that he is also clearly not being honest with? It’s just not necessary. Online dating is hard enough as it is without morons like yourself doing stupid and shady stuff such as this. And that girl in his profile pic…she is adorable. Does she even have a clue that he is on a dating site? Sure, women are crazy. But guys like you provoke it.
You Jacob, deserve a swift kick in the balls. I’m not sure if he has ever won any awards, but today, he takes the “Douchelord of the Day” award hands down.