As you know from my previous couple of blogs, my precious gran is in the end stages of life. I am trying, with all my might to slow down and be present in the process. I want to cherish the last moments and observe outside of what I normally would.
Today was exhausting. My body just doesn’t do well in situations like this and things in general just weren’t going my way. The time with family tonight sure turned my frowns upside down. I am thankful. I mean that with every fiber of me.
1. I am soooo thankful that I made the decision to come when I did. It means so much to be able to say goodbye. Today made it clear that chance has passed so I will cherish that I made it in time.
2. Stories. Oh my word. Anyone who knows me, knows there are plenty of Yell Co stories in my arsenal. But the ones I have heard tonight for the first time are awesome. I rarely get to spend good soul time with my uncles, and I don’t think people really share stories anymore. But to be unplugged from technology in these late nights when we can’t sleep and hear story after story has been awesome. It feels weird to say that since it has only happened because of sadness…but I Wish everyone could meet my Uncle Lewis and hear him talk.
3. Speaking of stories, tonight we covered noodling (my fam did it way better than those tv shows), hunting, mountain lion debates, uncle don’s new addiction to FB and my most fav of all, dating. The love and respect between my aunts and uncles is so cool. Watching them tell me their love story and see them go down memory lane is beyond sweet.
4. I have had some pretty great examples of couples love and the power of never giving up. The men in my family have set a really high bar. Probably why I am still single…because I expect what my grandparents and aunts and uncles have. Even if I stay single forever, I have still experienced great love, even if it is second hand. And that’s good enough for me!
As fun as it is to post the dating dramatics and shopping in my closet outfits, my writing (which honestly has always been more for my own therapy than if one person read it or not) lately has been to release and process the fact that I am facing my grandmother’s passing.
It’s probably a bit morbid to think that this is what I asked for. No, of course I didn’t ask for my grandmother to go through this that will end in her passing. She is my favorite person I have ever known and I could fill up so much of your time bragging about her. But I did ask for a slow down and a reset. I did ask for more time with my family and to bring some appreciation and perspective back into my life. And that is certainly what is happening. It’s not easy. And I am not saying my train of thought is for you to agree with. But I am saying that even in the saddest of times, there is a lesson. You get to choose whether you grow from the experience and learn a lesson or whether you wallow or even go backwards. I am choosing to learn.
I am fortunate to be able to spend these last moments with her. I feel even more fortunate that even in the little sleep we are getting, that I am getting alone time with her in the later hours after everyone has gone home.
Tonight, her hands are telling the stories.
These hands. My goodness they have been through some stuff.
They have worked themselves to the bone as a farmer.
They have cooked no less than 10,000 of the best meals you have ever had.
They have stroked my hair as a little girl while I laid in her lap during church and listened to my pop teach.
They have been firm on my butt maybe once or twice.
They have wiped tears and been the best comfort when my parents were mean to me 😝
They have prayed while the heart ached over the loss of her forever love.
They have been the kindest hands I have ever known…..
Today’s shopping in my closet comes courtesy of copy catting. I have seen plaid and stripes a lot and been wanting to try it on myself. I am sure some of you out there can relate to a fear of putting stripes on a bigger body. But, if I am gonna live unapologetically this year, I can’t say I am sorry for trying off beat patterns.
It is probably still too soon to wear this dress for the stomach I still have. But i did it and I am not sorry. This dress was made to do you favors and those criss-cross stripes are my friend! Most importantly, it’s all comfy for the all day meetings I am headed into.
Luckily, thanks to great hair and good lipstick, my only decisions are how to manage my water intake to bathroom trip ratio when I am stuck in a conf room all day!!
Tis the season…..for plaid, pearls, sparkly heels, AND A TULLE SKIRT that is to die for!
Before I put this outfit together for my Christmas card, I looked everywhere for cares to give about how I might be perceived as an adult, plus sized lady in a tulle skirt. I looked high and low and everywhere in between. But no cares were to be found! So, on a random whim, we put on our fancies and ran out to grab some snapshots that are sure to bring our Christmas card to life!
I grew up in a world where you could only wear cute things or be considered “cute” if you were one of the rich girls in town, who also just happened to be between sizes 0 and 4. I longed to wear the outfits they were wearing, but knew I could never pull it off.
Fast forward to lots of years and many life lessons later, and you end up strutting around a museum in loud shoes and a skirt that your friends will probably have to pry off your cold, dead waist before you take it off!
I don’t know when the exact moment happened where women started being louder than ever about real beauty and about wearing what you want without apology. But, I’m sure glad we have finally made it there!
I challenge any woman to put a tulle skirt on, no matter your age and tell me that you don’t catch yourself walking a little peppier and even twirling around when nobody is looking (or when they are looking – who cares?!). To be honest, I felt so good! I loved this look and my makeup so much, that I wish I would’ve had a party to go to after!
What is your holiday look?
When you explain to a woman that you can’t date her because of her size, what you are really saying is:
- I hold myself in such a regard, that I think I am extremely handsome and therefore in a higher regard than you as a fat person. There is a 99.999% chance that you would not qualify for People’s hottest men. This thinking (whether you realize you are doing it or not) makes you a jackass.
- Not that number 1 wasn’t enough to just stop, let’s discuss a few more. You are saying that you have no ability to invest time. Cause you might discover that the fat girl is working on herself everyday. Not necessarily to be a skinny minny…but to be a better, healthier version of herself. If she is as strong, ambitious and kickbutt as I happen to be, then she is also probably working towards conquering the world and realizes she needs to be the best version of her to do so. Because she is most likely self aware enough that she needs to be her best…..what your statement says is that you are not willing to invest time and be a part of that improvement.
- You are clearly not self aware. Cause unless you are walking around with zero body fat, the title of Mr. Olympia, and the servant heart of Mother Teresa, you need self improvement too. The difference is, that girl was probably willing to invest the time in you and would’ve probably loved you despite you not carrying the Mr. Olympia title.
- You are insecure. You need a “pretty” person to validate yourself. And you probably couldn’t have handled this girl anyway. That might seem a bit dramatic, but I promise you that deep down (maybe deeper for some than others) that plays a part. Maybe you are worried what your friends would think…..again…insecurity.
- Break out the DVD player and hook it up. I had previously played it through AirPlay on my Mac. Time elapsed: 15 minutes – we couldn’t get it to work. Who knows why.
- Put Introduction to Yoga for Beginners back into Mac and load up AirPlay. Make it through 7 minutes of DVD with a decent attempt at the moves.
- Stop for 3 minutes to talk about how this doesn’t seem beginner-isn at all.
- Try the next 3 moves in hopes that, over the last 10 minutes, you have caught on and the rest of the DVD will make you look like a real yogi. Breathe louder as you do this and the kid will think you are legit.
- Take a break for the next move/sequence. This dude is crazy if he thinks this is beginners. Explain to the kid that it’s not that you need a break, it’s just hard to see exactly what he is doing so you are going to readjust ourself.
- Do 1 more move. Try not to fall. Take a 5 minute break to teach your Spanish student how to say “Yoga” in American. :)
- Vote to try one of the other DVDs. Let’s try Hath and Flow for beginners. It mentioned relieving stress, so I’m always in for that! Do not show fear to the kid. Hit play with a confidence that lets her know “this is going to be fantastic”.
- Attempt the move where you raise your leg straight back in the air behind you, then bring your knee to your nose. All while you’re on your hands and knees/legs. Think to yourself “clearly this dude has never tried this with DDs and a flabby stomach in his way. The knee is NOT making it to this nose. Not today.”, but refrain from saying it out loud in front of your kid.
- Make a mental note to ask your yoga instructor during the next class exactly how many times she is willing to see you in person in a week versus you having to go through another failed DVD session. Make a second mental note to put the DVD set online to sell. Wait a day, if nobody buys it, give it away.
- Look up just to check on your kid, only to see her stick her leg up, try to lean forward into somewhat of a pushup pose, and fall flat on her face.
- Laugh hysterically for ten minutes. Embrace your core during laughing to get an extra ab or two. Because that ten minutes of laughter was more than any of the DVDs have done for you thus far.
- Carry your book to bed and stretch out while reading.