Monthly Archives: March 2014

Laughter in the Busy Basket

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I had no idea when I planned to blog everyday for the next 30 days in an effort to “do something different” and stick with it, that my busy basket would all of the sudden be filled to the rim!  I’m swamped at work more than ever.  I am moving to a new place this weekend.  I have a gala to attend Saturday night and literally every weekend until March is crammed packed with a full schedule.  I know, it’s all of my own doing.  I have already pulled out the big girl panties to deal.  It has however, interfered with my great plan to peacefully just come home and write an abundance of really thought provoking, in depth words of wisdom.  Instead, it has lead to exhaustion induced comedy.  Or at least that is my way of dealing with the overwhelmed and exhausted feeling.

So, without further delay I bring you my Wednesday (which I thought was Thursday all day)

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  • It started with no less than 10 snooze button hits followed by a 30 minute conversation with myself about how no matter how busy things are, I must get up.  Hiding under the covers will not work.  I then negotiated with myself that I would get away with a messy pony tail and sport my red/white polka dotted glasses and that should ignite the sassy factor getting the day started.

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  • When I get to work, I start my usual routine of making a cup of green tea (I so miss coffee on this stinking detox) and warming up breakfast.  Then I like to get to my desk, enjoy my breakfast and evaluate what the glorious day beholds for me.  I do not like being interrupted while in conversation with another person.  Especially when it’s by a spastic, over-reacting coworker wanting me to do something that they are more than capable of doing themselves.  What if I died tomorrow Tory?  Who would schedule your meeting then? When am I going to get that paper work done for you?  You mean the 6 new projects worth of paperwork that I just got yesterday? Can you not see that I’m eating my omelet, talking to someone else about another project and waiting on my green tea to kick in?  Do you not realize the implications of making a big girl on detox put her fork down when this omelet recipe is one of the only things that feels like food????????

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  • Based on the immediate interruption compared to the amount of work I must accomplish today, I decide to lock myself in one of the side offices that stay empty in our office.  Perfect.  I can listen to my music out loud, spread all my papers and junk out and crank out some serious work today.  Go.  Wait!  What in the living heck is wrong with this mouse?  Why will it only scroll on the bottom of my screen?  Ugh, I’m moving the dang thing all over.  Great.  I have fought my computer for a week and now my bleeping mouse is going to go crazy?  Oh, wait.  It’s pointed upside down and facing the wrong way?  Ummmm, ok.  My bad.  (it’s a Mac wireless mouse so easy to confuse ok?)

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  • I watch Tory pass by the office no less than 32 times throughout the day.  I can tell it is taking every bit of restraint not to come peek in to ask me something.  Don’t do it Tory.  Not today.

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  • Lunch break.  Quick run to get the keys to my new apartment.  Definitely a high point in the day.  I am SO EXCITED for new adventures.  I haven’t been on my own since leaving the abusive relationship I was in a couple of years ago.  I can’t wait to move continue healing and move forward.  I know there are so many good things ahead.  I sit in the middle of the living room floor just looking around and enjoying the silence.  Yes, it’s an apartment with neighbors.  Yes I wanted to wait until I had everything completely perfect before moving.  Of course I haven’t packed.  I have no “theme” planned out for each room.  I still need to pick up a thousand things.  But sometimes I think waiting til all is in order is a way of putting off stepping out of my comfort zone.  Shhhh Alicia.  Enjoy the silence.  There is no barking dog next door (seriously I don’t know how the dog even has a bark left because it LITERALLY barks ALL NIGHT LONG EVERY SINGLE NIGHT).  You are sitting in your own place.  On your own.  Not looking over your shoulder wondering if the car passing by is your ex coming back for you.  Those keys in your hand are your next step to the wonderful life you have been working so hard for.  Ok, peaceful elation over.  Back to work.

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  • THANKFULLY my coworker that joined me in the side office (she needed to hide as much as I did) and turned on some great tunes.  There we were, rocking out our to do list, rapping to some 90′s Will Smith.  Like a boss.

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  • FINALLY leave work to come home and cook.  This whole cooking thing is so new to me but I am loving it.  I have never cared to cook for just myself.  But now that I am doing this detox and have to be so careful about what I eat, I have forced myself to learn to cook.  And I love it.  I make the detox version of parmesan chicken and start to tackle a homemade ice cream recipe.  So excited to have a taste of cocoa.  Add in the bananas and I am pretty sure that every crazy thing about today is going to melt away.  Nope.  The ice cream was a huge fail.  Sad times.  The chicken though was good even if I did have to do without the cheese.  I don’t cook pretty.  I make a huge mess.  But I’m trying.  So the chicken was a little burned.  I’m eating it anyway.

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  • Gave a free profile consultation to a guy on the dating website I am on to help improve his presence there.  That was fun.  Did the dishes.  That was not fun.  And lastly sat down to some good tunes on Spotify to type this so that I hold up my promise.  Unfortunately there are a few work emails that need to be dealt with before bed but it was a nice break to cook and write.

I love a good balance of busy and downtime.  But I also choose to look at times when the busy takes over as an opportunity to buckle down, see what I am made of, and learn something from it for the future.  I like to laugh at myself in the process and look back to see how far I came and wonder how in the heck I made it through that season.

Never take life too seriously.  Nobody makes it out alive. ~ Sydney J. Harris

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Babyless Single Woman Enters Nursery War Zone

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Ok.  So, maybe it wasn’t a complete war zone (although judging by the amount of toys pulled out it could certainly pass for at least a mine field) but it certainly was the night they let a single woman be in charge of the nursery.  And it was not without obstacles.

Once per month, I signed up to volunteer for babysitting.  I get to watch precious kiddos while foster parents take the classes they need to qualify for fostering.  It’s a GREAT program called The Call.  I am so happy to get to be a part of helping families open up their homes to sweet kids who have become a part of the system for whatever reason.  So far, I have only had one night of this and it was with one sweet four year old boy who was very low maintenance.  For my second night, I was given the babies.  The following are the happenings of that adventure:

1.  I had 5 children that ranged from the ages of 4 months through 2 years.  I also was fortunate to have a young girl as a helper.  I cannot remember a time in my life that I was ever around this many children of these young ages.  I am confident in my ability to handle this situation because I manage million dollar programs in my job, kids love me, and I have all this new found energy with my detox challenge.  I accept my mission gladly.

2.  I quickly learned that the average attention span for this age is about 4.2 seconds.  I have always wondered why parents buy this age so many toys.  How will they remember them or why would they care how many toys they have?  Now I know.  Because with the attention span of 4.2 seconds, you need at least 8,000,004 toys to go through.  It is rare that they go back to the same toy twice.  Or it was tonight anyway….believe me, I tested this theory to the fullest.

3.  Even though these kids could not talk well, that did not keep you from seeing the 5 completely different personalities.  The more I think about it, fitting those little and widely different personalities into a closed room is much like a lot of the adult meetings I have on a daily basis.  Too bad when one of the adults takes my toys, I can’t say “mine” and hit them like these kids do so freely! : )

4.  For the ones that could speak tonight, the common sentence stated was “mine”.  Yes, that is a sentence to them.  It states boldly a noun, verb, adjective and so forth : )

5.  At first, when little miss two year old had her melt down over not getting anymore Goldfish for snack (after she had already had two helpings and some cheese puffs) I wondered what on earth had gone so wrong in her day that no more Goldfish warranted this kind of melt down. Then, I realized how eery it was that I could relate.  I am on day 7 of a 21 day detox and sat and watched coworkers eat Chuy’s Mexican food at lunch today (my fav Mexican in this area).  Inside I was having a melt down of my own and restraining myself from stealing food off of their plates.  We have more in common than you know during this melt down princess.

6.  This age group has zero interest in my Mega Bloks tower that I strategically built.  All I wanted was a little praise and all they wanted was to destroy it with their tractors, trucks, and precious little hands.  I will address with my therapist, it’s already on my list : )

7.  Actually no.  No I cannot work the child safety door knobs.  But thanks for making it look so easy sixth grade girl helper.  She didn’t know I couldn’t work them.  I just secretly watched her and copied.

8.  The mom of the four month old stated that the baby will not drink the bottle unless it’s warm.  Lucky for me, there was this gadget on the top shelf that looked like it might be a bottle warmer.  I have no idea how I even knew this but I just had a feeling (maybe that’s code for my biological clock?….oh…wait…..).  I plug it in and push a button and expect it to work.  When it doesn’t (after several pushes of the button), I resort to pulling out my phone and googling it.  I watched a YouTube video as well as read two articles in order to learn this gadget.  The bottle was warmed.  The baby was happy.  The end.

9.  You cannot ignore the smell of a dirty diaper.  You can be in denial about it but you cannot ignore it.  I feel like the fact that I located the source (since I had three in diapers to choose from), changed the diaper (even though the kid WOULD NOT be still), and knew where to dispose the diaper (in those tube like things that seem to work like a bank drive through), that I can definitely conquer the world like I have planned.

10.  I have helped pick up friend’s kids at daycares and such before and am always barely getting in by the last minute if not late all together.  I completely understand why these places charge you by the minute if you’re late.  When you are given a time that you are to be in a room with wild banshies, you start watching the clock for the countdown of your relief.  It’s the moment you know that your sanity may return.  Every minute past that proposed end time and you feel like you may never know what it’s like to talk to another adult, wear a spit-up free shirt, wear other scents besides hand sanitizer…….I completely get it now and will be a loud advocate for being on time to pick up your child.  Should a parent be late for any reason (which I have seen those reasons on other volunteer projects be something as simple as standing out in the lobby chatting) they should show up with chocolate, prozac, or a massage gift certificate for the worker staying late to keep their child.  Especially if that care is free.  : ) *please note* this did not happen during this particular session I am speaking of.  It just made me think of the times that it has happened to others I know as well as me being the late one sometimes in the past.

11.  They did enjoy my singing them a few little songs which is more than I can say for my coworkers who never seem to fully appreciate the daily desk concerts I give them.

Overall it was a fantastic time.  I love kids so much more than I could ever convey here. I gladly take most any opportunity to be around them.  I only had them for two hours or so and am already wondering how on earth you parents do it full time.  I worked all day, did baby duty, worked when I got home, and am barely staying awake to type this.  Being a parent is a super power of it’s own.  If you’ve read this far, thanks for hanging in there.  I am too tired to even give this a thorough spell check, grammar check (not that my grammar is ever great on this blog) or format check.  I’m having a hard time even talking myself into changing into my jammies.  I feel more like it’s been one of those nights back in my old party days where I just went home and passed out on my bed “as is”.

I finally understand how no sound can be an amazing sound as I sat in silence for 5 minutes after they all left soaking up the peace and thanking God for the chaos that came before it!

Life is good.  I am so blessed with people who are willing to let me share their kids in absence of being able to have my own. This post was meant for humor purposes from my random mind only and not to offend.

 

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Girl things

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I am honestly missing coffee and not in clear thinking land yet today.  So, all I have for you is some completely random thoughts about being a girl.  Sorry guys (even though it might give you some insight into us ladies!).

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Is it better to have short stubby nails and paint them or try to keep up with acrylic overlays/fills?  I have oily nail beds and the most brittle nails of anyone I know.  It’s really annoying to pay for a “full set” and it only last a week at the most.  I love a good manicure as much as the next girl and I truly get about 37% heartbroken when a nail breaks (ok, that was a bit dramatic – the heartbreak is temporary I promise).  Nail life shouldn’t be this hard.  To be continued……..

I was keeping my fingers crossed that the mullet skirts and shirts were out for spring/summer this year.  However, I have seen three commercials featuring them today.  Sure, they work for cute, skinny people.  But for a thicker girl, it’s no win.  Sure, the mullet feature (business in the front, party in the back) from the backside helps with some coverage.  But now, there is a shorter front exposing the Goodyear tire that is my torso.  As for the mullet skirts I’m sorry I just can’t love them.  I can’t promise that if I have a pair of scissors around someone wearing one that I wouldn’t follow her around and cut it off.  Ultimately it just seems like an indecisive fashion statement that someone made.  You know, there they were designing great clothes and were torn on long or short so the made it both and someone caught on enough to blow it up.  Stop.

It’s almost time for spring (thank goodness after a crappy winter).  That means it’s almost time to change from my fall purse to my spring purse.  That’s about as often as I change.  I never caught on to changing purses all the time (although my mom is a pro at it so I’m not sure how I missed that gene).  I love a big purse.  With that much space, comes much packing.  I should start picking purses based on the amount of chiropractor visits I think it’s going to cause : ) !  I recently purchased one of the “As Seen on TV” purse organizers (side note, I have a weakness for ASOT purchases).  I am currently waiting on it to come in the mail and as I wait I can’t decide if I’m excited about organization, sad about needing it because my bag is so big, or embarrassed because it seems like only old ladies might enjoy it.  Do you feel me?

I hate razors.  Or, I should say, I hate buying razors.  It punches me in the gut every time I shop and need them to put in the basket.  Why are they so expensive?  I mean, I’m single, nobody is going to be touching my legs……so why not just skip shaving all together?  Ha!  If only!  But seriously, who are these razor making bazillion aires and why do they make them so expensive?  Even disposable razors are getting expensive.  In my opinion, this is all very lame.

Single shopping at the grocery store is a missed opportunity for me.  I am contemplating doing a study about this.  I’m not sure what the study would prove or whom it would benefit but it just seems like it needs to be explored.  I visited the local Fresh Market after my jog on Sunday.  There were single men everywhere (I assume they were single since they were not wearing a ring).  I even ended up on the same aisle as one of the cuties shopping around only to realize I was staring at men’s products.  I exited quickly.  I wanted to approach at least two of the guys I came across.  And I should.  Why not?  For some reason as outgoing as I am, I clam up in this area like you wouldn’t even believe.  What do you say?  Oh I love that organic coconut milk too, what’s your number? Plus I was still in my workout clothes and sporting a headband that said, “will run for margaritas”, WITH a uniboob (compliments of my sports bra).  So, let’s think about this for next time.  What is the best way to approach a guy in the grocery store?  I feel like I need a playbook.  Go.

That’s what’s on my mind for a Monday morning.  I am so excited for a great week ahead!  Make it great!  I am challenging myself to do one thing different every day even if it’s small.  Won’t you join me?  Let me know how it goes!

It was not an earthquake….Operation Naughty Body is Back!

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I would have never thought that I would ever be sitting here typing (with more excitement than I can convey in print) about LOVING a running clinic.  But I do.  I have tried every gym program, membership, workout dvd, etc and NEVER WANTED to actually go as much as I do this FREE clinic!  I am not going to get too ahead of myself, but I might even do some jogging on the off days!

Anyway!  Here are observations from today’s clinic.  Please note, these are just observations from a random-minded girl and not meant to be used in judgment of others : )

  1. Even though when the whistle blows to run and I pick up my pace feeling every single ounce of fat jiggling (especially in the hip region) could be mistaken for the earth shaking, I assure you it is not.  I will however admit that after that feeling today I have seriously considered putting a spanx in my gym bag for next time.  You know what keeps me going despite that disgusting factor?  That the fat is moving.  Even if it’s up and down and around and around.  It’s still moving.  And that is better than it sitting still on the couch.
  2. When you don’t have a pocket, you entertain other areas for storage during your run.  For instance, today, I decided to stick my chap stick in my bra.  Not just any bra mind you, THE BEST heavy-duty sports bra for the “well endowed” woman.  I tuck my chap stick (which is one of my running necessities) in the side of my bra, which seemed like the perfect solution.  Until I forgot about it after and pulled a very melted tube from my bra when I went to change.  Fail.  Lesson learned.  I am not above a fanny pack at this point.  I cannot wait to lose enough to buy those cute pants with hidden pockets.
  3. Since this was only class #2, I am really trying not to be too hard on myself.  Normally if I fall behind, or slow down, I beat myself up and ultimately just quit.  But, today, even though my new friend Jennie (remember her?) was able to rock out her sessions and get ahead of me, I still kept going.  And, I am totally blaming it on the fact that she is much taller than me and has a longer stride! : )
  4. Today’s route had hills.  I see no reason for any human to ever jog up a hill.  Even if being chased.  As a matter of fact, if a bad man up a hill were chasing me, I would probably just stop, turn around and ask what it is he really wants and give it to him.  That’s how much I don’t want to run up a hill.  Yet, today, I ran up a hill.  Some may call it an incline, but it was a hill.  Trust me.  If it goes from flat ground to any sort of elevation, we are declaring it a hill.  Ok?
  5. Monday is an optional day for people to gather and run if they would like.  I am sad that I am missing tomorrow’s run with the ladies.  In fact, I just re-read that to make sure I meant it.  And I do mean it.  This point in itself speaks volumes for the changes that are happening with me.
  6. I felt great after.  I did not feel the need to call an ambulance.  I did not whine about it.  Surprisingly, I wanted to find as many people as possible to talk to about joining me for the next clinic day!

Basically, I think what is happening here folks, is that I am becoming someone different.  And I think it’s for real this time (after many failed attempts).  Not that I needed to be someone different when I am pretty cool “as is”, but being someone who is SO MUCH better than I was before is turning out to be pretty neat!  In the quest for world conquering, I am going to be way better at it with all the new energy I have!!! Woot!!!  Be nice to yourself!  Be better than you used to be!

OPERATION NAUGHTY BODY IS BACK AND IN FULL FORCE!!! :)

The maxi pad and the doggy diaper (another oldie but goodie)

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I know!  I cheated again!  BUT, I was worried with a busy weekend and the potential of being gone to my niece’s state ball tournament and getting caught up in that excitement that I would fail to post :) Cause, it’s not hard to distract me ya know!  Anyway, sure do miss this dog and laugh every time I remember this story.  Poor dog to have to put up with such a scattered human!

4/2010

Well, leave it up to me to think I have come up with the most genius idea on the planet only for it to turn out a total disaster.

Tanker has had this “excited pee syndrome” (yes, it’s a real medical term even though I just made it up) ever since I’ve had him.  For some reason (I’m sure because I’m a horrible dog mommy), it has gotten a bit worse lately.  I’m trying to research and learn how to fix it but in the meantime, I purchased a doggy diaper.  I try to put it on him when I take him to other people’s houses out of respect for those people’s carpets.

It’s amazing how a creature that weighs barely 9 pounds, drinks water strictly twice per day, can pee this much.  He pees when someone first pets him, he pees when he gets rubbed on the belly, he pees when I first get home and am trying to let him out.  It’s amazing.  Sometimes he even pees so much when I take him out, he falls because he has hiked his leg for so long.

The doggy diaper is a denim type material and is washable.  Plus number one, it’s washable.  You buy separate inserts that are essentially panty liners, place those in the diaper, and place on your dog.  Spontaneous pee is instantly less of a problem.

I haven’t had the diaper in my possession due to leaving it at a friends house and just got it back today.  I did not realize however that I am out of the liners that go in the diaper.  Petsmart is the only place I have been able to get these and they are closed for the night.

SO………insert genius plan here.  Since I am a woman and have been blessed with the gift of a visit from Mother Nature once per month….I have enough femine product to make a padded mattress!  So, why not just use one of my maxi pads as a liner in his diaper?

Well, I’ll tell you why.  Because my “overnight”, Always brand, double thick, extra-thick winged maxi pads take up the whole diaper and when wrapped around LITTLE Tanker, hilarity ensues.  I have zero idea how this happened but his back legs were automatically sprawled out  so far apart that he couldn’t walk unless he literally hopped on his front legs and swung his butt around from side to side.  I couldn’t recreate it if I tried.  I would’ve loved to have videod it or to have taken pictures but I’m pretty sure the animal curelty peeps would be at my door quickly.  Tanker is looking at me like I’ve completely lost my mind and that he would probably attack me if it wasn’t so much trouble to drag the maxi pad with him.

Oh well, it will have to do for now.  I put him in his bed hoping that he’ll be ok.  Until……I hear this horrible comotion going on in his cage.  I promptly go to his aide to find him without the diaper on, and his feet stuck to the sticky part of the pad.  I swear he looked like a yorkie on a padded white surf board.  As horrible as I felt about putting him through it, I have to admit that I almost peed myself!!!!  He of course does not find this amusing.

I finally get it off of him and decide that for tonight, the diaper will have to go and I’ll have to deal with any spontaneous pee.  Poor, poor Tanker!  No wonder I don’t have children of my own!

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Oldie but Goodie: It’s hard NOT to be happy…

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Ok, maybe this is a bit of cheating in completing my “write/post every day for 30 days” declaration…..but, never hurts to read back over things, see how far you’ve come, or how much wiser you were than you realized, etc.  Plus, this was on the old blog and as I was reading through some of the oldies, it made me smile (and laugh, because I forgot all about hitting on the Russian).  

Happy FINALLY FRIDAY!  

9/21/2011

Quote of the Day: And no one will listen to us until we listen to ourselves – Marianne Williamson

Song of the day:  Holy Captivated by Nicole Mullens   (click the song title to listen on youtube – as a matter of fact, click it now and let it play in the background while you read :)!!!)

Normally I try not to “preach” and I certainly have enough work to do on me to keep me busy for a while versus judging others.  BUT……..I LOVE a good Jesus song and this one was it today.  Just so relaxing.  Make no mistake, I’m in no way, shape or form ashamed of God or my faith.  Just because I choose not to feed it to you by shoving a spoon of it down your throat every waking minute of every waking day, doesn’t mean I don’t have a purpose and doesn’t mean that I don’t live for HIM.  I would gladly share my story and testimony with anybody who would listen!

-          I’m happy.  As cheesy and quite uneventful as it is to type that…..it is the truth.  And it’s not even that hard to be happy.  I have no idea if it’s age, or what…..but this is THE BEST time of my life.  Period.  And 90% of it is because I’ve made my mind up to be.  So, unfortunately for you, the rest of this blog is just about happy….and a little bit of funny

-          Girlfriends:  How have I lived my life so long not putting more investment into this type of friendship.  I’ve never been good at girl friendships.  I just haven’t.  I’m too blunt, I’m like a guy in a lot of ways and just always had a lot of guy friends.  I don’t like to shop so that counts me out in about 4 million ways.  Also, I felt like I had to be absolute friends with every single person I came into contact with.  Do you have any idea how exhausting that can be?  But at this very moment, the girls I consider my “core” are the most amazing group of women on the planet.  I’m horrible at remembering events, staying in contact often and being sensitive to a lot of their lives…..but it’s a work in progress and one that I’m more than committed to.  Girlfriend time is VITAL to my existence.

  • For instance, today via email and a nice walk, I seriously had the best afternoon I’ve had in a while.  And all of it was shared with a dear girlfriend.  It’s random (and a little weird quite honestly) to experience “love” in this way.  But that’s exactly what it is.  This unexplainable love that I have.  I won’t dwell on sadness or regret, but I do hate to think about all the time I wasted trying to “be somebody” to somebody else or a group of girls instead of “being me” to somebody.

-          In my recent reflection of happiness, I sometimes get overwhelmed.  Mostly I get overwhelmed at the people who genuinely like me.  I can honestly count on one hand how many people before now in my life that I felt confident in saying genuinely liked me.  To even type that makes me a little sick at my stomach.  And maybe more genuinely liked me, I just didn’t believe it.  But to experience it now…….man, it can change a heart like no other.  But…..because I finally love me, and am finally happy with me, I can finally see why people would like me (which is really a blog within itself).  I wish I could bottle it up and sell it to save a lot of young girls a lot of worry and heartbreak.  Love yourself now.  Right this very second decide to value yourself and love yourself more than anything else!

-          Declaration:  Man, did I used to feel like I had to “declare” everything.  If I didn’t declare whatever movement I was in at the time, then it wasn’t real, it wasn’t significant and nobody would notice.  I honestly thought this for way too long. Now, I get sooooo excited to just be quiet and “do” versus “declare”.  Although I have more than enough work cut out for me in “doing” and being an example, I am so much further along than I was.   Standing on the rooftop shouting “Look at me do this” isn’t really “doing” anything but straining your voice……and frankly, I’m too big and out of shape to climb the staircase to the roof to shout in the first place.  I’ll just stay on level ground.  Looking in the mirror and seeing someone different, or hearing some of the responses I give out loud now versus then is enough for me J

-          As I compile my “ever so often” About Alicia or Alicia Clarifications blog, I come across things that make me wonder…..I can’t be the only one who feels this way or has dealt with this.  So….that is why I share the cheese.  Just like with the new facebook that everyone hates……if you don’t like it, you don’t have to look at it!  I just wanted to ramble a little about happy tonight.  Because being happy is way better than any other alternative.  I know you’re all on pins and needles for that blog huh?

OK, NOW ON TO THE RANDOMNESS that you all expect!!!

-          Sometimes there is such a revival of music (all kinds) in my car……that I’m singing so hard, so loud and so into my performance…….that I’m driving with my eyes closed.  I never really noticed it til today.  And spare me words of wisdom…..I know it’s not safe.  But, as I try to monitor it and tone it down a little, I still think everyone should have the same kind of revival at least once.  Turn the music up as loud as you can stand, and belt it out…….dance moves and all!!!

-          The time has come.  I dreaded it for a while.  I’ve heard thousands of stories and encounters.  I’ve been blinded in thinking “that won’t happen to me”.  But it has.  I cannot sleep a full night without waking up to pee.  The first night it happened, I brushed it off.  The second night I just thought “well this is silly”.  Now, on night number 8, I’m just bothered.  Will I ever sleep all night again?  Will my better ever understand that getting up at 3am to pee does not mean it’s time to wake up for the day?  Will I ever be able to walk to the bathroom without running into something?  Where has my bladder gone?  We had good times!

-          Technology:  I’ve tried to figure out how to insert this with a positive tone.  And if I don’t type it now, the issue will be expired by the next blog post.  So let’s try this.  We all love technology!  Isn’t it awesome!?  Look how far we have come with it!  And because we are a wonderfully demanding people, there is constant pressure to produce more and better and faster technology.  So……we might as well coin a synonym for technology to be “change”.  Because essentially anymore, you can’t have technology without change.  And that’s what makes the new facebook so exciting!  Although I would love a website of my own that is as successful as the FREE site of Facebook, I will continue to use it because it’s already there, it’s totally free, and I’m just too busy with other amazing projects to put them out of business right now J  Another positive, beautiful thing is that in most things these days, if you don’t like something, you can change it, or stop using it.  So………maybe instead of being so angry, we could choose a different approach.  It’s going to change…..a lot.  If it didn’t, it would become crazy stagnant.  And there is absolutely nothing wrong with you not liking it or even hating it.  There’s nothing wrong with you posting it.  People in this time have a thought and post it….that’s just how it works and I’m the biggest participator.  But what if you just wrote a nice concern to facebook the company?  Or what if we spent a few minutes just checking out the new gig and see what’s different?  That’s as nice as I can say “look people, things change, if you don’t like it, don’t use it…….”  And I mean that in the nicest, sincerest, most loving way possible!!!!!

-          As a side note, I realize I have complained on fb several times, especially in regards to Sonic switching to soft mints.  But I’ve also expressed those concerns in a “complaint” process to the company (and Starbucks for being out of coffee for that matter)

-          Russia:  So…….I saved the best for last.  I think I need an intervention.  If I’m to the point where I crush on a 6’4” Russian (I only throw that out there to show the language barrier we clearly had), driving a lime green VW Bug who fixes iphones for a living in parking lots…….then I may need to go on some dates more than I thought.  True story.  Dude fixes phones.  I heard about him, contacted him, set up a meeting.  He shows up, explains the process, leaves.  Brings my phone back in amazing shape, offers a warranty, and is wearing an affliction shirt for Pete’s sake…….and all I think about when he walks off is “strangely I’m attracted to him”.  He has no ring on.  I propose this scenario of me asking him out to two friends at lunch today who are in complete agreement…..with way more enthusiasm than I expected (mostly because they wanted to follow me around on the date and document it).  So……..after lunch, I text him.  The following is a transcript of that convo (comments in red are my added commentary, those were not actually texted):

Me:  Hi there!  Just wanted to share that everyone thinks the phone looks great.  You did an awesome job!  (Really???? I typed that to him.  Smooth.  I’m really smooth!!)

Him:  Hi!  Thank you, that feedback is much appreciated

Me:  Anytime!

Him:  Thank you, nice to hear about that

Me:  Definitely (do you want to poke your eyes out yet, this is torture)

Me:  I feel kind of silly asking, but are you single by chance?

Him:  Just got married, 4th of July

Me:  Awesome!  A girl in my office would’ve just loved you!  I was going to play matchmaker, congrats on the wedding!

What we have here folks is epic failure, maybe a little bit of boredom (I’ve scaled back on my life, work and home, that’s it for a year), and sheer silliness.

 

The end.

Women can run…..without being chased…

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“The miracle isn’t that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.”

― John BinghamNo Need for Speed: A Beginner’s Guide to the Joy of Running

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Tonight was the first of a series of 10 week classes that help women run….on purpose.  It’s a free clinic sponsored by Women Run Arkansas and they host these clinics throughout the state.  Having seen personal testimony of a dear friend who has literally transformed in front of our eyes, and contributing some of that to this great program, I thought I would give it a try.  I mean, I need to move because apparently, according to trainers (and science I suppose), sitting on the couch doesn’t burn calories.  Honestly, I can’t even tell you why I have wanted to become a runner.  Always have.  I look at other runners and want my body so badly to go in that motion for that amount of time.  Yet, time and time again, I fail miserably.  Even though I have completed a legit half marathon, the mental war inside my head leads me to be a super flake.

BUT….NO MORE….since I am doing the detox, cleaning out the toxic people and restoring myself in 2014, I decided that I WILL conquer this running issue.  I had no idea what to expect when I showed up tonight.  It was almost too overwhelming.  At one point I even wanted to go back to my car and grab my phone so that I could document all that I was taking in!

Here are a few observations for what they’re worth : )

  1.  I knew the director and I would get along fantastically when she said “I mean ladies, you HAVE to have a good bra.  You can go to Victoria’s Secret, but the only thing that fits me there is the lotion”……..soul sisters unite!
  2. Just because your car thermometer says its 55 degrees outside, doesn’t mean that it’s completely true.  It also doesn’t mean that when it gets dark, and there is still snow on the ground that it won’t get colder.  Lesson learned.
  3. I show up and much to my surprise there are TONS of women there.  They announced that over 200 registered.  I would guess that about 75 of those showed up tonight.  Immediate intimidation number one.  Yikes!!  I mean there were old ones, young ones, skinny ones, not so skinny ones, top of line running gear ones, and even a granny sporting a gold chain (no lie).  I have never been shy so I assume that it will take me approximately 4.35 seconds to make friends.  Not so.  I stood there by myself, freezing in my short sleeve shirt, with that sad puppy look on my face telepathically telling the other women’s “i want to be your runner friend”.  No dice.  One lady even went to her car to get me an extra jacket that she had.  I was certain that we were about to be “besties for the resties”……..but nope, false alarm.  She was an intermediate runner and left me in the dust.
  4. But, if these ladies who are all shapes and sizes and ages can do it, then by golly so can I!  THANKFULLY as we started our warm up walk, I ended up by two sweet ladies who hung with me for the rest of the class.  I shared with them my detox struggles and then realized……”whoa, what is happening?  Who is this girl?  What are these words coming out of my mouth about health and wellness versus wine and chocolate?”.  I have scheduled a MRI of my brain STAT.
  5. I was so nervous about the whole process that I literally wanted to corner my two new friends and make them pinky swear that they would be my friends, show up for the classes, and never leave me.  I refrained from such proclamation but did find a way to work Facebook into the mix and am anxiously awaiting their friend requests.  ALSO, one of them lives in the town I am moving to shortly and offered to walk/run outside of the clinic.  See!!!!!!! It’s fate right?  I mean, I can’t make a relationship with a man/boyfriend work out to save my life….but Jennie and I will be scrapbooking and wearing BFF necklaces before you know it (do they even make those anymore?)!
  6. I ran and didn’t even realize it was time to stop running.  AND I COULD STILL BREATHE when it was done.  Hold on to your seats folks, but I even talked while jogging.  This is huge.
  7. I should be a spokesperson for the sports bra I have started wearing.  It’s like a spanx for your boobs.  They literally don’t move.  I’m actually afraid that when I go to take it off my boobs might just pop out so fast that I will be injured.  To go from wearing two cheap sports bras in an effort to “keep them contained” to one heavy duty piece of equipment has made this experience completely tolerable.
  8. It seems like when women come together with a common struggle or common cause, that we are all just a tiny bit nicer to each other.  Except the one lady with a gazillion dollars worth of veneers, botox and neck lift in her face.  She was just plain judgey Jane.  I held myself back from tripping her.
  9. Tomorrow I will ache and probably walk like I’m 93 years old.  But the show must go on.  I have a function to attend where the need to put my best “oh you want all this now that you realize how bad you screwed up but it ain’t gonna happen, but I’m gonna look hot just to dig a little bit” foot forward : )
  10. When I survive this clinic and go to the “graduation” 5K event, I will be sporting a cap and gown.  You have no idea what an accomplishment this will be for me!  To run without being chased.  To run a 5K and still be able to breathe.  To soak it up as therapy and an escape from everything else in my life for a few minutes each week.  These are the things that I will cherish in this journey.  You have to start somewhere.  It’s way  past the time that I truly and really focus on a better me.  I have a whole world to conquer and I plan on doing it in a smaller jean size, some red high heels, and a few curls!

Here is survival picture number one of hopefully many to come!  Why I am so comfortable sharing such an awful selfie with the interwebs for anyone to see is beyond my comprehension.  I am hoping that it’s a sign of progress in my “liking me” journey.  Be nice to yourself.  It’s vital. :)

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When bad things happen to good people…in the bathroom

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I promised myself I would blog for the next 30 days and not miss a day (it’s part of my journey and whether I am good at it or not, it’s very therapeutic). Well, I am tired and decided it was faster to tell you my story versus typing it out. Unfortunately for you, that includes videoing myself (which is hard when I use my hands to talk), no makeup, and a messy background. But, you gotta start somewhere right? :-)

So, welcome to the first official “Story time with Fancy Pants” ….it’s only gonna get better from here folks!! :-)

P.S.  I apologize for getting carried away and letting the word a$$ slip out…..boo for potty mouth!

Girl…you snow craaazzzyyyyy

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Ok, so round 327 of being iced in this year has gotten to my brain so much that I’m turning my titles into plays of other phrases.  Which, happen to be pretty funny to me, but I doubt you all reading this are on the floor laughing.

In being trapped inside for what feels like the 898th day (even though it has really only totaled about 13 thus far I think), I forced myself to get a lot of randomness out of my head.  I promised myself I would not be lazy and give in to the temptation to nap in between conference calls.  I promised to apply a lot of check marks of completion to my ridiculously long to do list.  And, I promised to not ignore my random thoughts today.  I firmly believe these “snow days” are a divine conspiracy to make me slow down.  So, today I decided to embrace it.  After a random call with a friend to get some things off my chest and attempt to do it in a humorous manner, she noted “girl you are so crazy, the things that come out of your mouth”……no….I am “snow” crazy……and I am “snow” sick of this weather.  Ok, I’ll stop.  Here are some things that are “snow” random in my head these days J (sorry, just HAD to do it one more time)

Boys:  late last week a guy emailed me on a dating site I’m on to say hello in the form of a poem.  When I checked out his profile, I found that he apparently had a vision from God that lead him to this dating site and to put at least 4 pages worth of info about himself in the “About Me” section.  Maybe it was a little mean, but out of sheer boredom, I replied and asked that based on what he said in his profile and the fact that he reached out to me did that mean “I was the one”.  He quickly replied “yes, you are”.  Wow.  Could this be it?  His next message informed me that his vision from God was very clear of me lying on a bed, in my pajamas with my shoes off (which leaves me wondering who lays in bed with their shoes on in their pjs), smiling at him.  He was very clear that it was me.  Hmmm…really?  No thank you.  Don’t you think that if God himself so clearly laid out “the one” for you, that he might also inform that person in some way as well.  Maybe the postcard is delayed, but I haven’t had any indication that he was the one for me.  In addition to that, if you knew for sure it was me…….then why did you need to make such an in depth profile for everyone to read.  Wouldn’t you just make a general profile and save all the juicy details about yourself for our private convo?  That’s just my take.  I have not heard from him since that last email so I’m guessing he had another vision that counted me out of the running.

 Oscars:  I missed the red carpet and the whole show for the most part because I was watching Dallas Buyer’s Club.  However, my observations of what I did see are that the women looked beautiful, the men looked handsome and the speeches were great.  The one thing I noticed (and noted in yesterdays blog) is that everyone that wins is in such a rush to thank everyone and make it through their incredibly long list of names before they are rushed off stage.  What is wrong with assuming that someday you will definitely win an award and just starting to thank those who you feel “made the list” now?  So, I am randomly going to start thanking people so that when I get my big award, I can use the time to breathe, be grateful and say something absolutely epic that sparks as many articles/updates/shares as Matthew M saying “I thank God”.  And…I’ll save that topic for another blog someday : )  Today I would thank my church camp leader Terry Gregory.  She grabbed me at one of our camps and said “some day you are going to be a great leader”.  That was the first time in my life I can remember anyone thinking or believing anything like that about me and speaking it out loud to me.  I’m not sure I have accomplished it yet, but I think of that moment almost every single day.

 Detox:  Accckkk!!!  Today was the first day of a trainer guided 21 day detox program.  The problem?  Well, there are a few.

  1. I am a procrastinator.  So, did I, knowing the weather was going to be bad on Sunday, make my grocery list and shop early so that I could prepare the meals I needed?  Nope.  Of course I didn’t.  Thankfully I did get some fruits and veggies so I can make it on those til I have a clear weather day to shop.
  2. Also, in my procrastination, I did not do an inventory of what I had and get rid of the “bad stuff” that is in the house.  For example, Ben & Jerry’s Pistachio ice cream.  Full pint.  Just sitting there whispering “eat me, it’s ok, you’re trapped inside”.  It should also be mentioned that I bought my team at work a whole box of Butterfinger Cups (THE BEST NEW CANDY EVER) and planned on delivering it to them to eat today.  Since our office was closed, they sit on my table begging for my attention.
  3. I am guilty of being an emotional eater.  It seems like when someone like me puts myself in a situation like this, the first few days, all I think about is flippin food.  But I know that this is what is best for me and I am SO EXCITED about some great things that I know are going to happen for me this year.  I want to be as prepared for those as possible and be of clear mind and body : )
  4. I am a horrible cook.

 Exercise:  I signed up for a “women can run” clinic that starts this week.  I have no idea why I am so obsessed with becoming a runner.  I hate it while I’m doing it.  I can’t imagine what I must look like moving “all this” at a pace faster than a brisk walk.  But, it’s new, and that’s another promise I made for 2014.  I must try something that makes me uncomfortable and no matter how bad I hate it, I must complete it.  It’s a 10 week course with a “graduation” run at a 5k event for this group (Women Run).  If I am actually able to still breathe when this time comes, I have decided to run in a graduation cap and gown! Glittered support signs welcome.

As I sit here looking out the window at the BRIGHT blue sky and untouched snow, I just find peace.  My mind is busy with lots of noise but my heart is full.  My hope is that even though this blog basically has zero point (other than to fulfill the promise to myself to write every day for 30 days), that you feel inspired to sit down for a few minutes and let your random, “snow crazy” side out! : )

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When I Win an Oscar…..

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I decided that after watching the awards last night, that should I ever make it to that stage, I could never thank all the necessary people in the incredibly small amount of time they give you. So, I will just randomly start calling out my thank you notations from time to time :-)

See, I have a dream of standing on stage one day. Maybe not for an Oscar award. But to just talk to people. To use my voice to reach others. Either through comedy or tears :-). Today, I almost threw in the towel after getting my feelings hurt……..

This past weekend was filled with so much!  I enjoyed a fabulous women’s conference with my mom that encouraged us as women to “remove our masks” that we wear.  I signed up for a 21 day detox guided by a personal trainer that is sure to give me a new start physically.  I was challenged to make the next 30 days different by promising to do a few things every day without fail.  This was it.  This was the set of tools I had been waiting for to start “anew”.  I need this.  I know, without a doubt, bigger things are going to happen to me this year than any other year before and this was where it would start.  I was confident.  I was excited.  I was energized.

Then, I was attacked by the enemy.  Almost immediately (I mean, he did give me a good 12 hours in my excitement before showing up).  After someone close to me said some very hurtful things, I was knocked flat on my rear.  All the things I had worked so hard to overcome in my self hate were now being said by someone else.

“Alicia, you need to focus less on you.  You need to give more.  You need to listen to what God is saying to you more closely”……and a host of other things that pierced my spirit.  So, I let out an exhale.  Silly me.  Why would I think I could finally have all my ducks in a row and start something great.

I wasn’t going to start the detox

I wasn’t going to write

I wasn’t going to tell another soul one single thing about me because I don’t want to come across selfish and other stuff that was said.

But. That’s what the enemy wants. That what is needed for the enemy to win. For me to lie down. And it would be a pretty short way to his victory if I laid down after one attack.  And what was said was so contradictory to what I knew.  I was listening to God.  I have been more than ever in my life.  And you know what He has been saying?  “Be still.  Be kinder to yourself.  Focus on you and what you need to deal with so that you can get to a place where I can use you according to my plan for you.  Be still and quiet and truly focus on me and you until you reach the peace I have for you.”  If I know that is what I am supposed to be doing (and I do know with all my heart), then ANYTHING that is brought to the contrary is simply from the enemy.

I think of so many that I know who have so much great to do and how easy it is to be defeated. But we cannot accept what others say about us so easily.

So…here I am anyway. Without my mask. Without any makeup even. With no spanx or contouring magic to make me look thinner…… I am going to write or say what I want. Sometimes it will be funny. Sometimes it will be random (ok most of the time it will be random). Sometimes it will be serious. But it will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be real. Period.

Have a great week!!!!!