Dungeons and Douchebags: is it because you’re fat?

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Sometimes I lose my passion. Ok, not lose it necessarily, but it seems to get buried in the mundane routine of life. Then, someone comes along and ignites it. Sometimes they ignite it in unpleasant ways.

As I was leaving a meeting today, I received a notification that I had a new message on my dating app. I will admit that a giddiness comes over me when I see these notifications. The excitement isn’t even about “could this be the one” sending the message. It is more like “oh, this oughta be good. Can’t wait to see how this turns out. I need new material”. You see, online dating has merely become a source of examples as to why I am ok being single.

ANYWAY! I digress. So Da_GreatWhyte_Hype messages me today. His picture is a gorilla so my hope in seeing his name and pic in my inbox is that this guys is hilarious and that we will hit it off from a humor perspective. As usual, I was expecting too much.

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My headline on my dating profile says “Allergic to shirtless and gym selfies”. His message said “Are you allergic because you are fat”.

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Within seconds I felt a heat inside of me. Not a hot flash heat. A boiling in my stomach that spread like wildfire. I immediately started calling on Jesus to calm my nerves and save this boy from my response. But then I just assumed Jesus probably had bigger fish to fry and I would handle this guy for him. :) THEN I realized how this guy doesn’t deserve my correspondence. Ok, I only realized this part after replying with “Wow, you definitely don’t disappoint in being a prick” (since he referenced himself as such in his profile). And finally, I realize that this is opportunity to address the masses just in case there is one person out there who is interested in understanding a few things (which is also simply me venting to the masses in an effort of exercising writing therapy and refraining from getting into further argument with this douchelord).

In his defense…he is a self-proclaimed prick

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I have written before about how interesting I find it that when people have no other argument or defense with some, they automatically turn it into something completely stupid. For example when people say “oh are you all pissy because you need to take your hormone pill?”. Nope, I’m pissy because you’re a jerk. Let me explain to you (you tiny little jerk hiding behind a pic of gorilla) why I don’t care for shirtless or gym selfies.

1. Shirtless selfies: I am SO SICK of seeing guys without their shirts. I know. It feels just as weird for me to type it as it does for you to read it (especially coming from me in general – lover of men). But here is the deal dudes. If a girl reveals too much in the way she dresses, we are not leaving anything to mystery. We hear how there is nothing left to the imagination if we show off too much. It’s also pointed out that if we will share our skin with the world in the form of revealing dress and such, that what is so special about what we have for one person. If you, as a guy (or girl for that matter) are willing to put a shirtless pic of yourself online for any stranger to come across, what are you saving for me should we enter a relationship. What makes me special at this point? Every girl online has seen your chest. You’re essentially a used piece of tape to me at this point and I have no desire to use you to hold anything together :) (pardon the cheesy analogy)

2. Gym Selfies: Great! You take care of yourself! You work hard for that rocking body that you have also shown off in your little to no clothes shot. You can clearly out lift, out run, and out last me athletically based on your pic of you sweating it out in a gym alone. I guess I don’t see what you flexing in a mirror selfie at the gym is supposed to show me about you other than you love your muscles. I am sure people could argue this with me all day long and it scares me at the responses that could come flooding in defending those types of pics. But for me personally, I am just most likely going to perceive you as someone a little more stuck on themselves than I prefer. I would much rather see a pic that shows your personality and charming smile.

3. Do you know what kind of courage it takes to put yourself out there on an online dating site? There are countless people looking and probably judging you. It’s fine. And it’s even more fine if someone skips over me. Think what you want about me……to yourself. We do not know each other. We are not homies. You can look at my profile and think “nope. Big girl. Not for me”. That won’t bother me a bit. But approaching me like you did. That is just beyond rude and shows what a man of little character you are.

I am actually thankful this jerk messaged me today. Because the old Alicia would’ve called friends crying about it being true. I would’ve cried that this is why I’m alone. I would’ve cried that I’m ugly. Instead, I chose to pause. I paused then looked at myself in the mirror and made myself say something nice. I do need to lose weight. That is not a lie. That is a truth I see every time I step out of the shower. It is not however my definition. It is not the reason I do or do not And I think I had forgotten that in not liking myself a lot these days.

I am not proclaiming allergies to those types of pics because I am fat sir. I am proclaiming them out of tiredness in seeing them. I am proclaiming it in an effort to ward off messages from those that I already know probably won’t be a match. And after your message today, I clearly need to update those parameters

P.S. he added his pic. But i still think the gorilla is a better choice

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The Suckihood of Lonely

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It doesn’t happen as often anymore (thank the Lord) but sometimes being alone gets to me. And for the longest time, I linked “lonely” to being single……as in if I had a significant other, then I wouldn’t be lonely anymore.  Again, so thankful that is not the viewpoint I have anymore.  Let me be very clear in conveying that I am ok.  I am ok with a little lonely.  I am ok with being by myself.  I will not be ordering a husband on the internet to fill the lonely gap I am experiencing tonight!

So, as I sit here feeling lonely, with my new viewpoints on it, typing this little blog while alone and enjoying ice cream, I thought I would share a few thoughts in hopes of although I am physically alone, there will be someone out there who “feels me”.

What sucks about lonely

  • I’m a social person by nature.  Sure I love my alone time and need it to refocus and regroup often.  Everyone is built for relationship (whether you want to admit it or not) and I think I got an extra dose of it!
  • I’m a planner.  I like to know what’s going on and my calendar for the most part on any given week stays pretty full.  It’s the unexpected gaps in the calendar that usually land me in lonely town and my planner mind sometimes doesn’t deal with that well.  I need to get better at spur of the moment :)
  • I am awesome!  How does that make lonely suck you ask?  Well, because it means if I’m sitting here alone, somebody is missing out on me! :)
  • It feels like time slows down.  It never fails that when you try to approach a situation with the “this will pass” attitude….it seems to take FOREVER to pass.  Am I right?
  • It is too tempting in times of lonely to go into negative-ville.  I have to work really hard not to allow myself to start attacking myself.

What I do about lonely

  • Immediately have a talk with myself.  I have to remind myself that this is temporary.  This is not bad.  Someday (hopefully) someone will sweep me off my feet and spend so much time with me that I will probably be begging for alone time. I let myself know that in no form or fashion will I use this time for a pity party or to treat myself badly.  And I will not dwell on not having someone or start comparing myself to others who seem to have it all.
  • Write a note.  Too often I let my busy life get in the way of truly being a good friend that stays in touch with others.  It’s a selfish part of me that I am more than aware needs work.  Tonight I wrote short notes to 5 people and my mood was instantly lifted.
  • Read all the articles I have “opened in Safari”.  When I’m scrolling in my news feed and see something I think I want to read, I always redirect it to the browser.  When I”m “bored” or something, I will go through all my open pages and catch up on the articles.
  • Craft.  I really don’t feel like this one needs any further explanation.  :)  I love a good craft session.  Tonight I opted out of getting all my supplies out and getting started since it’s a proven fact that every craft project turns into an ordeal.
  • Clean out a closet.  In an effort to live more simply this year, I have tried to go through closets.  However, much like crafting, once I get started it can last for hours.  So I also opted out of this option.
  • Exercise.  Ok, this is laughable.  I don’t willingly exercise.  I have to be dragged kicking and screaming.  But, it’s still a good alternative for the rest of you out there :)
  • Pray.  I should have listed this first really.  I won’t shove it down your throat.  It is near and dear to my heart and brings immediate calm to me.  I have stopped asking God to make the lonely pass quickly and started asking what He wants me to get out of it and trust that it will not linger.

What not to do no matter how lonely you are

  • Go online looking for a date.  Although I am no longer on the online dating scene, I can remember too many times in the past (the way past thankfully) that I would get online and browse profiles and reach out to people who normally would never be a fit for me.  I was looking to feel a void.  Sadly, it only creates a vicious cycle that usually ended with another crazy dating story.
  • Eat ice cream.  Trust me on this one.  Much like going on a bad date as a result of a lonely time, you will regret the ice cream later too.  I mean, I am not to the regret point yet (my ice cream was really good!) but I’m sure it’s coming!
  • Beat yourself up.  Don’t do it.  Remember, we are all about being kind to us.  There is no room for the devil in this lonely time.  Don’t even open the door for him.
  • Do not get discouraged when you try to fill the lonely and friends don’t answer.  Tonight I invited 5 friends for a drink when I realized I was headed home earlier than expected with nothing to do.  It was very last minute and none of them could make it.  The old Alicia would’ve taken that personally and headed down the “poor me” road.  Not today.  Just further proof that I really was supposed to be alone tonight and deal with it head on.
  • Nothing.  The worst thing you can do is nothing.  Do not just sit there.  Do not do nothing.

Ultimately I firmly believe that lonely moments are meant for us to learn or discover something about ourselves.  So do not do yourself a disservice by trying to force the moment out without getting something for yourself! :)

Lonely is not forever.  Being alone is not always bad.

Dumping Water

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After stating that I most likely would not be accepting this ice water challenge, I received a pretty nasty response message from someone. I also realize that I have lost popularity amongst some others.

So I felt like I would share a few thoughts for what it’s worth.

I am not a horrible person because I haven’t dumped water on my head.

I am not a horrible person because things are financially tight and I didn’t donate $100 to ALS. I admire the awareness it has gotten.

I am sorry for anyone who has ever encountered it.

Im glad so many have felt lead to participate and donate. I am amazed at the amount of money that has been raised.

I hope that other worthy causes get your attention as well. The world is full of hurt and there is more than enough opportunity to help.

I saw plenty of that opportunity when I volunteered for 5 years with the American Cancer Society. I saw more than enough suffering when my dad essentially drowned to death in his own lung failure from lung cancer.

I have seen precious babies in a foster system with zero family. Zero. They had not one person in their family care enough to take care of them or fight for them. I have rocked them, prayed for them, babysat them and provided clothing.

I have seen women that have been beaten and battered and feeling like there is no hope. And I have seen the limited resources stretched as thin as possible to help them because the donations are just not there and not many people want to out loud address domestic violence. I have cried with some of those women because all that I could offer at the time was “I’m sorry” and a prayer of thanks that I escaped abuse and had an amazing support network.

I have posted to raise awareness and funds for causes I believe in. And I have watched the same people who criticize me for not participating in the ALS challenge flat out ignore those posts and walk away from the opportunity to help. I have watched them gather resources for what they believe in and in a most selfish manner refuse to share those resources with any causes I am working with. Yet, not once have I said a not nice word to them about it.

So PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. Do not hate or mislabel me or others simply because we do not pour water on our head. Enjoy your participation. Pass it along if you feel so inclined. But don’t you dare bring on ill will, condescending comments, or witch hunts against me when you clearly know nothing of my heart.

I also found this pic to be quite fitting :-)

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Passion for People

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Pardon me for a second while I preach.
Today I had the chance to have a long chat and share my observation and advice to a friend. It was raw conversation. I was told things that made me hurt and angry for my friend. Yet I was also faced with some of my own insecurities and hurt that I like to pretend doesn’t exist. No holding back. It was colorful, blunt, and although I avoided using caps lock, I am certain that there were a few pauses where I looked around waiting for an “AMEN” and “hallujah”.

I am not versed enough in my vocabulary to find the right words to describe what it stirred within me. My heart is still beating fast and furious and the conversation happened over an hour ago. I LOVED IT. I don’t think I have ever allowed myself to admit or accept that I am overly passionate about people until this conversation. And I couldn’t be more excited about it!!! I LOVE PEOPLE. And I want with all that is in me for people to love themselves.

Maybe its because I fought so hard to fall in love with myself. I, of course dont mean “in love” in a cocky “I am God’s gift to the planet” way. I mean in a “you are of value and you have a purpose and a lot to offer the planet” way. Maybe it is because I never want to see someone so broken that they have a melt down at a stop light and can’t physically push the gas pedal to go through. Either way I cannot ignore the passion nor do I want to any longer. I am sick of negative people I know trying to impose their hate and general classifications of people onto me. Hi, my name is Alicia and I genuinely love people and I am so sorry if you don’t. Please take your misery elsewhere.

This is all a constant work in progress. Its a conscious decision that I have to make every single day (and some days I fail miserably at it) to be kind to me. But I know it’s worth the effort. I promise you that I am leaps and bounds better than i was two years ago. And I promise you that if you would exercise kindness and positivity toward yourself a little each day, you would grow leaps and bounds too!

If I were being honest, when I told my friend to rid himself of people who do not bring out the best him, I would have to admit that my stomach turned knowing there are a few people I could stand to get rid of for the same reason (people I consider important in my life currently).

Anyway! That all brings me to this. If I could stand in front of you today with my fired up spirit I would tell you the following. And I would mean it with every fiber of my being even if you were someone I wasn’t typically a fan of. I also recognize after today’s conversation that I owe myself the same talk as much as my friend needed it. Nope. None of this is earth shattering or new news to anyone. What may be new to someone reading this though is the permission to know these things without apology. And I believe that there is some human on the planet that needs to read this in this way. :-)

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– Be intentional about changing to progress toward a better you. Be honest with yourself that you absolutely cannot continue in the manner that you have.

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– Accept that you will always be a work in progress (Sure I need to lose a few pounds and by few i really mean about fifty. But I can’t be controlled by that solely). But always be “progressive”. Be aware of what you need to work on but never let it control you or hold you back from being awesome.

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– Know that not everyone will understand your work. And they don’t have to. It isn’t for them. If they aren’t a fan of your journey just consider them the coal you need to fuel you forward. :-)

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– It is NEVER ok to be unkind to yourself. NEVER.

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– Do not create a vicious cycle or fake flaws for yourself. It is dangerous to fall into a cycle of “I will be happy if/when this or that happens”. You start filling voids with material things that are only temporary fills and eventually there is nothing that will ever satisfy you. Sadly that often bleeds into going through one human heart after another and never being satisfied. You create a hurt factory that will have a morning shift and a night shift. And you will wear your own heart out in the process causing you to miss out on something really great.

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-You are no good to anyone else if you are no good to you. And to create lasting friendships with good quality people we have to be good to ourselves. Once again, if you aren’t, you begin filling voids with temporary people.

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-Know that when you slowly destroy your own self worth that you are also robbing the planet of something great. There is something about you that the planet needs and is supposed to get out of you being here. You rob the planet when you don’t share the great in you!

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Of course I could go on and on and you could spend bazillions on books by people who are way better experts than myself. But sometimes we just need to know from another human that it is ok and we all struggle.

If you are in a solid place with yourself, congrats. If you’re watching someone you know go on a journey to change themselves for the better and overcome self hate and insecurity, be kind. Be supportive. Be patient. Be quiet if you have to. But by all means, do not hold up progress. Do not keep someone from becoming a better human. Remove yourself for their own good if you can’t be anything but a hindrance.

You are dismissed :-)

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Polishing My Crown

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I love my dentist and his staff. I don’t know many who get excited about their checkups but I do. I actually wish they could last longer. Not because I like sitting with my mouth open and getting worked on but because they are so great to me! I have been having a few minor problems with my crown they put on a few months ago and had to have some adjustments today (nothing major thank goodness). Just some tweaks to make it sit better in my mouth essentially and that adjusting lead to some thinking. And we all know what happens when I start thinking. I then start sharing.  Who knew my latest visit and teeth cleaning would provoke deep thought and my newest revelation to share with the masses. :)

More and more girls/ladies these days have declared themselves as princesses. I have no problem with that. I am one myself. After all a King created me (King of Kings actually and you were too even if you don’t know Him). My problem is that once the declaration is made, some seem to think they are entitled to something and have to do nothing to get it.

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You see if you are being a real princess, you are in a position of power (whether it be power over your household, job, whatever). And in that position of power, you can do one of two things. You can use it for good and serve others. Or, you can use it to be a brat and think that you are owed something just because you exist. The latter makes you pretty annoying in case you weren’t aware.  We are made to serve. Using your “princessness” for good is going to get you dirty. Maybe not dirty physically (not all the time anyway) but definitely dirty emotionally. You are going to be tired. You are going to have off days. You are going to have people come in and out of your circle that are going to leave a mess.

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BUT!!!!! The beautiful thing about all of that is that in being the princess that you are, you are equipped to handle it (with the help of a pretty awesome King I might add). I’m sure you all juggle a gazillion things daily and just need a microphone to complete your rock star look! The trick in being the best kind of princess is to polish your crown. That sets you apart from many others in more ways than you know. You see, if you don’t take time to polish your crown, to straighten it back on your head and rebalance, to consult with the king……….then you are going to lose some of those diamonds in your crown. You won’t be able to serve your kingdom for the greater good if you are no good to yourself.

Ok ok. So I am reaching a bit and getting a little cheesy. I just feel it’s important (and by feel I mean I believe it with every fiber of my being more passionately than ever) that we keep ourselves polished and that we tend to ourselves so that we can change the world! :)

 

So polish your crown. How you ask? However you need to.

 

  • Get your nails and toes done
  • Spend time in seclusion with yourself and your favorite book or craft (just not too much time in seclusion because we all need to see that beautiful face!)
  • Soak in a warm bath (try using lavender, Epsom salt and baking soda as a bath mix)
  • Take yourself on a date
  • Write
  • Visit with someone who uplifts you
  • Curl your hair
  • Nap in a hammock
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Do whatever makes you feel good enough that you want to be good to others………do it. And do it as often as you need it without apology. Repeat after me: I DON’T OWE ANYONE ANY EXPLANATION OR APOLOGY FOR TAKING CARE OF ME!

 

 

Finish the dang wall already….

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I have lived in my apartment since mid March. I am yet to decorate. I have a pile of great things to hang on my living room wall. Every week I was having girls night and every week we would say “for real. This week we are hanging crap”. And every week the wine would win. And now my friend had moved to New Jersey and the pile still sits there.

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50 Ways To Be A Woman

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adelmore:

Just when I was bummed because I didn’t have anything epic to blog about today….I read this. Good stuff. If I were going to make a list, every single one of these would be on it.

I grew up in a place where women were not valued in the least. You weren’t validated unless you have a man and you certainly should never put yourself first or value yourself….cause that’s just selfish.

If you know me, you know how this great blog made my heart go pitter patter.

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

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1. Practice good personal grooming habits. If you are going to have colored hair, keep your roots covered. If you are going to have fake nails, keep them filled. Take care of your skin, take care of your teeth. 

2. Dress modestly. Gain attention through who you are rather than the parts of your body you choose to expose. It is worth far more in the long run. 

3. Certain fashion staples will always remain timeless. A few conservative dresses, a string of pearls, a nice handbag and a good pair of pumps should always be in your wardrobe. 

4. Write thank you notes. It is one of the best ways to make a good impression and literally takes five seconds. It is a dying art that so desperately needs to be revived. If someone is nice enough to give you a gift or recommend you to a position, the…

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