Dumping Water

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After stating that I most likely would not be accepting this ice water challenge, I received a pretty nasty response message from someone. I also realize that I have lost popularity amongst some others.

So I felt like I would share a few thoughts for what it’s worth.

I am not a horrible person because I haven’t dumped water on my head.

I am not a horrible person because things are financially tight and I didn’t donate $100 to ALS. I admire the awareness it has gotten.

I am sorry for anyone who has ever encountered it.

Im glad so many have felt lead to participate and donate. I am amazed at the amount of money that has been raised.

I hope that other worthy causes get your attention as well. The world is full of hurt and there is more than enough opportunity to help.

I saw plenty of that opportunity when I volunteered for 5 years with the American Cancer Society. I saw more than enough suffering when my dad essentially drowned to death in his own lung failure from lung cancer.

I have seen precious babies in a foster system with zero family. Zero. They had not one person in their family care enough to take care of them or fight for them. I have rocked them, prayed for them, babysat them and provided clothing.

I have seen women that have been beaten and battered and feeling like there is no hope. And I have seen the limited resources stretched as thin as possible to help them because the donations are just not there and not many people want to out loud address domestic violence. I have cried with some of those women because all that I could offer at the time was “I’m sorry” and a prayer of thanks that I escaped abuse and had an amazing support network.

I have posted to raise awareness and funds for causes I believe in. And I have watched the same people who criticize me for not participating in the ALS challenge flat out ignore those posts and walk away from the opportunity to help. I have watched them gather resources for what they believe in and in a most selfish manner refuse to share those resources with any causes I am working with. Yet, not once have I said a not nice word to them about it.

So PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. Do not hate or mislabel me or others simply because we do not pour water on our head. Enjoy your participation. Pass it along if you feel so inclined. But don’t you dare bring on ill will, condescending comments, or witch hunts against me when you clearly know nothing of my heart.

I also found this pic to be quite fitting :-)

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Passion for People

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Pardon me for a second while I preach.
Today I had the chance to have a long chat and share my observation and advice to a friend. It was raw conversation. I was told things that made me hurt and angry for my friend. Yet I was also faced with some of my own insecurities and hurt that I like to pretend doesn’t exist. No holding back. It was colorful, blunt, and although I avoided using caps lock, I am certain that there were a few pauses where I looked around waiting for an “AMEN” and “hallujah”.

I am not versed enough in my vocabulary to find the right words to describe what it stirred within me. My heart is still beating fast and furious and the conversation happened over an hour ago. I LOVED IT. I don’t think I have ever allowed myself to admit or accept that I am overly passionate about people until this conversation. And I couldn’t be more excited about it!!! I LOVE PEOPLE. And I want with all that is in me for people to love themselves.

Maybe its because I fought so hard to fall in love with myself. I, of course dont mean “in love” in a cocky “I am God’s gift to the planet” way. I mean in a “you are of value and you have a purpose and a lot to offer the planet” way. Maybe it is because I never want to see someone so broken that they have a melt down at a stop light and can’t physically push the gas pedal to go through. Either way I cannot ignore the passion nor do I want to any longer. I am sick of negative people I know trying to impose their hate and general classifications of people onto me. Hi, my name is Alicia and I genuinely love people and I am so sorry if you don’t. Please take your misery elsewhere.

This is all a constant work in progress. Its a conscious decision that I have to make every single day (and some days I fail miserably at it) to be kind to me. But I know it’s worth the effort. I promise you that I am leaps and bounds better than i was two years ago. And I promise you that if you would exercise kindness and positivity toward yourself a little each day, you would grow leaps and bounds too!

If I were being honest, when I told my friend to rid himself of people who do not bring out the best him, I would have to admit that my stomach turned knowing there are a few people I could stand to get rid of for the same reason (people I consider important in my life currently).

Anyway! That all brings me to this. If I could stand in front of you today with my fired up spirit I would tell you the following. And I would mean it with every fiber of my being even if you were someone I wasn’t typically a fan of. I also recognize after today’s conversation that I owe myself the same talk as much as my friend needed it. Nope. None of this is earth shattering or new news to anyone. What may be new to someone reading this though is the permission to know these things without apology. And I believe that there is some human on the planet that needs to read this in this way. :-)

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– Be intentional about changing to progress toward a better you. Be honest with yourself that you absolutely cannot continue in the manner that you have.

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– Accept that you will always be a work in progress (Sure I need to lose a few pounds and by few i really mean about fifty. But I can’t be controlled by that solely). But always be “progressive”. Be aware of what you need to work on but never let it control you or hold you back from being awesome.

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– Know that not everyone will understand your work. And they don’t have to. It isn’t for them. If they aren’t a fan of your journey just consider them the coal you need to fuel you forward. :-)

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– It is NEVER ok to be unkind to yourself. NEVER.

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– Do not create a vicious cycle or fake flaws for yourself. It is dangerous to fall into a cycle of “I will be happy if/when this or that happens”. You start filling voids with material things that are only temporary fills and eventually there is nothing that will ever satisfy you. Sadly that often bleeds into going through one human heart after another and never being satisfied. You create a hurt factory that will have a morning shift and a night shift. And you will wear your own heart out in the process causing you to miss out on something really great.

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-You are no good to anyone else if you are no good to you. And to create lasting friendships with good quality people we have to be good to ourselves. Once again, if you aren’t, you begin filling voids with temporary people.

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-Know that when you slowly destroy your own self worth that you are also robbing the planet of something great. There is something about you that the planet needs and is supposed to get out of you being here. You rob the planet when you don’t share the great in you!

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Of course I could go on and on and you could spend bazillions on books by people who are way better experts than myself. But sometimes we just need to know from another human that it is ok and we all struggle.

If you are in a solid place with yourself, congrats. If you’re watching someone you know go on a journey to change themselves for the better and overcome self hate and insecurity, be kind. Be supportive. Be patient. Be quiet if you have to. But by all means, do not hold up progress. Do not keep someone from becoming a better human. Remove yourself for their own good if you can’t be anything but a hindrance.

You are dismissed :-)

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Polishing My Crown

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I love my dentist and his staff. I don’t know many who get excited about their checkups but I do. I actually wish they could last longer. Not because I like sitting with my mouth open and getting worked on but because they are so great to me! I have been having a few minor problems with my crown they put on a few months ago and had to have some adjustments today (nothing major thank goodness). Just some tweaks to make it sit better in my mouth essentially and that adjusting lead to some thinking. And we all know what happens when I start thinking. I then start sharing.  Who knew my latest visit and teeth cleaning would provoke deep thought and my newest revelation to share with the masses. :)

More and more girls/ladies these days have declared themselves as princesses. I have no problem with that. I am one myself. After all a King created me (King of Kings actually and you were too even if you don’t know Him). My problem is that once the declaration is made, some seem to think they are entitled to something and have to do nothing to get it.

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You see if you are being a real princess, you are in a position of power (whether it be power over your household, job, whatever). And in that position of power, you can do one of two things. You can use it for good and serve others. Or, you can use it to be a brat and think that you are owed something just because you exist. The latter makes you pretty annoying in case you weren’t aware.  We are made to serve. Using your “princessness” for good is going to get you dirty. Maybe not dirty physically (not all the time anyway) but definitely dirty emotionally. You are going to be tired. You are going to have off days. You are going to have people come in and out of your circle that are going to leave a mess.

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BUT!!!!! The beautiful thing about all of that is that in being the princess that you are, you are equipped to handle it (with the help of a pretty awesome King I might add). I’m sure you all juggle a gazillion things daily and just need a microphone to complete your rock star look! The trick in being the best kind of princess is to polish your crown. That sets you apart from many others in more ways than you know. You see, if you don’t take time to polish your crown, to straighten it back on your head and rebalance, to consult with the king……….then you are going to lose some of those diamonds in your crown. You won’t be able to serve your kingdom for the greater good if you are no good to yourself.

Ok ok. So I am reaching a bit and getting a little cheesy. I just feel it’s important (and by feel I mean I believe it with every fiber of my being more passionately than ever) that we keep ourselves polished and that we tend to ourselves so that we can change the world! :)

 

So polish your crown. How you ask? However you need to.

 

  • Get your nails and toes done
  • Spend time in seclusion with yourself and your favorite book or craft (just not too much time in seclusion because we all need to see that beautiful face!)
  • Soak in a warm bath (try using lavender, Epsom salt and baking soda as a bath mix)
  • Take yourself on a date
  • Write
  • Visit with someone who uplifts you
  • Curl your hair
  • Nap in a hammock
  • Open a good bottle of wine (one of my personal favorites)Screen Shot 2014-07-24 at 5.46.14 AM

Do whatever makes you feel good enough that you want to be good to others………do it. And do it as often as you need it without apology. Repeat after me: I DON’T OWE ANYONE ANY EXPLANATION OR APOLOGY FOR TAKING CARE OF ME!

 

 

Finish the dang wall already….

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I have lived in my apartment since mid March. I am yet to decorate. I have a pile of great things to hang on my living room wall. Every week I was having girls night and every week we would say “for real. This week we are hanging crap”. And every week the wine would win. And now my friend had moved to New Jersey and the pile still sits there.

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50 Ways To Be A Woman

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adelmore:

Just when I was bummed because I didn’t have anything epic to blog about today….I read this. Good stuff. If I were going to make a list, every single one of these would be on it.

I grew up in a place where women were not valued in the least. You weren’t validated unless you have a man and you certainly should never put yourself first or value yourself….cause that’s just selfish.

If you know me, you know how this great blog made my heart go pitter patter.

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

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1. Practice good personal grooming habits. If you are going to have colored hair, keep your roots covered. If you are going to have fake nails, keep them filled. Take care of your skin, take care of your teeth. 

2. Dress modestly. Gain attention through who you are rather than the parts of your body you choose to expose. It is worth far more in the long run. 

3. Certain fashion staples will always remain timeless. A few conservative dresses, a string of pearls, a nice handbag and a good pair of pumps should always be in your wardrobe. 

4. Write thank you notes. It is one of the best ways to make a good impression and literally takes five seconds. It is a dying art that so desperately needs to be revived. If someone is nice enough to give you a gift or recommend you to a position, the…

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Breakup University

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I am going back to school. :-) even though I practically have a masters degree from the school of hard knocks, it seems as if I need to take myself back for a bit of Breaking Up 101. I am not talking about dating break ups either (I seem to be an expert at getting broken up with already). I am talking about breaking up with those people or even “things” that are no longer good for you.

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See, I am a fixer and an extreme lover of broken people. I am drenched in my mother’s “loves to be needed” DNA. I love to meet new people. I cling to them! Literally. When I first meet someone, I just want to know all about them. I usually make fast friends. It’s always later down the road when I am hip deep in the new found friendship that I sometimes realize that I have fallen into a situation that is not healthy. The problem with being so drawn to people (especially broken ones) is that you can easily become so absorbed in them (healing them, listening to their woes for hours, being too available) that you lose yourself without even realizing it.

I know. I know. We are all broken in some way. I in no way claim to be unbroken or superior to anybody. But when you make yourself too available and you give 123% of yourself to a friendship, you also start expecting. And when you cast expectations on people who aren’t built to give them to you, enter disappointment. Disappointment that you are partially to blame for because, chances are, they don’t even know what you expect from them. Everyone’s 100% looks different. I love learning the five love languages for this reason. It was eye opening for me to learn and finally accept that what my “all” is could be different than yours. And that’s ok. What is NOT ok is when you are in a situation of constant hurt. We could cover so much more of this in a long, in depth book so I will try to keep it short. :-) (and we all know that attempt will fail miserably. But hang in there. I promise this is good) When you are in a friendship that leaves you feeling drained, rejected, used, or any other negative emotion, you HAVE to stop. You have to step back and evaluate. What are the emotions I am left with and is the person even aware that it is leaving me this way? If this is “just how they are” am I ok with it always being like that? Are they being respectful of you? Do they place value on your friendship with them?

20140709-214916.jpg I have recently been in quite the struggle with myself and a few friendships. I tend to hang on out of loyalty or “not being the bad guy”. There is also a little hanging on because I know when I go away, they probably won’t even notice. And that hurts. And quite frankly I am tired. I am not moving forward with being a better me because I am too busy “crossing oceans for people who wouldn’t jump puddles for me” (love that quote). I have to accept that some people are not in your life forever. You don’t have to be my friend. We can all still exist on the planet. :-) I cannot move on to the next phase of becoming more awesome and making my dreams come true (and believe me, I am right on the edge of some pretty big things) if I keep crying over hurt feelings from unhealthy friendships.

So, it’s time we breakup. I will not be readily available for you when you don’t have anything better to do. I will not be the one always initiating contact. I will not hang out with you only when I suggest it and only at your house and then watch you post pics of being out having a great time (when you know dang well I would love to be out too). I will not listen to the same problems over and over while you don’t even ask or encourage me about things in my life. I will not be an afterthought.

20140709-214852.jpg What I will be to anyone interested in real friendship is loving. I will love you hard. It’s what I do. I will pray for you more than I pray for myself. I will make you laugh. Mostly at me, but laugh nonetheless. I will make you cheesy crafts for your birthday but not give them to you until months later (because my memory is horrible and I am a procrastinator). My friendship isn’t for everyone. I talk too much (mostly about myself). I am needy. I will flake on 3/5 things you invite me too. And if you are hurting physically, I will retreat and seem like the worst friend ever (because if I can’t fix it or make it better I can’t watch suffering of any kind). BUT, I accept that I am not for everyone. And I am thankful for the ones who hang around. :-)

So be ok with breaking up. No dramatic profession of departure needed. Just quietly walk away knowing you value yourself enough to know when a situation is unhealthy and needs to go. PLUS, the longer you continue, the less of the best you that person is getting. And that’s a wrap on my profound wisdom :-p HAPPY THURSDAY!!!

Dungeons and Douchebags……and donuts

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Although I have taken myself off “online dating” sites, it doesn’t relieve me of interactions with past “dudes” I have had encounters with.  I am happy to say that currently, I am “taking it slow” with someone in hopes of it possibly working out to “happily ever after” but figure that it shouldn’t stop my D&D stories.  It actually makes me appreciate the “just taking it slow” process quite a bit more.  Usually at the end of typing out a beautiful story for you to read, I end up thinking “man, I’m thankful that I am not dealing with any of the currently”.

I would never have written about Steve (I honestly can’t even remember if that’s his name).  He wasn’t anything too exciting in the way of lame material to blog about.  Nice guy.  No real red flags or weird issues.  And honestly we both had pretty much admitted that there was no dating interest there, but enjoyed having a few drinks after work from time to time.  We usually ended up comparing stories about online dating interactions.  I would almost feel worse after his stories because I would see the crazy women he would get messages from and think “ok, I know I am way more normal than this and yet, I’m not having any luck on here”.  I am proud to say I never contemplated mimicking any of the pics he showed me of women such as the lady laid out across her bed in fuzzy Hello Kitty pajama pants and a tank top making a kiss face.  But it doesn’t mean I didn’t wonder what the heck was going on.

Steve and I lost touch.  I hope it wasn’t because of the girl I saw him out with one night in the 80’s shirt and feather bangs.  But, I guess if she swept him off his feet, then congrats to him.  I was irritated that we lost touch at first because I wasn’t even trying to date him.  I was simply a nice person being nice to someone who had just moved here.  We were not exchanging jokes via text anymore.  I was being ignored for whatever reason and I was not happy about it.  That’s just rude.  But, I also know you can’t chase.  And I wouldn’t want to whip out my crazy chasing card on someone I knew I would never date anyway :)

HOWEVER, it does not matter what status you were with a guy, there are certain moments that just don’t help your cause and create small mortifications in a woman’s life.

One of those moments is when you have tried to be “Miss Cool”, you quit talking to/seeing someone and then they catch you at a stop light with your windows down, music up, making sweet sweet love to a Krispy Kreme donut.  Especially when you’re already a “thick” girl.  There I was, treating myself to a donut (just one I swear).  One of my favorite songs was on the radio.  The sunroof was open.  The windows were down.  I was eating that donut like I just got out of prison.  And I hear someone say “hey you”.  I look over, sugar frosting all over my mouth, to see Steve.  Greeeeaaaattttttttttt.

Wait!  What the heck do I care?  I don’t owe Steve anything.  I don’t have to explain myself to him (or anybody).  I am proud to be eating a donut dang it!

And then he says “hey girl, what you been up to?? Do you still workout at that one gym you were going to?  What was the name of it?”.  Really?  Do you think you’re cute Steve (a 38 year old man with a jacked up mister truck that you need a step stool to get into)?  Well, you’re not.  And, that beard doesn’t look right on you either.  I just wave and say “hey!” and quickly take off as soon as the light turns green.  I get a text from him later that says “we should catch up sometime, it’s been a while.  Maybe we could go for a walk”.

No.  We should not catch up.  You have ignored me for months.  And no, I don’t wanna go on a walk with you.  Why are you stalking me about exercise Steve?  I want to eat a donut.  And maybe another one after that.

Ok, so maybe Steve was just trying to have conversation.  And of course I know he really isn’t too much of a dbag (even though the ignoring definitely didn’t help his cause).  I mean I’ve dealt with worse.  And maybe I know that the real issue here is my insecurity about being big and eating a donut and knowing I could make better eating choices. :)

But, knowing all of that, I also still know and am convicted in my belief that you should be who you are.  And in the dating world (especially in the cruel dating world), you do not dare let some person you barely met online make you feel any less than amazing!  The right guy will eat a donut with you.  And if he wants you to be healthier and go for a walk, he will be smart about his approach and craft something like “hey babe, wanna go shopping at the mall” and get you to walk that way :)